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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Comment by Mary. Jane on June 3, 2018 at 2:10pm

OMG, that is the sweetest offer I have ever received! But, good news...my neighbor is going to take me! She offered last night..in fact she was disappointed I was hesitant to ask her!

i cannot tell you both how much that means to me. And if you ever did come, for a visit, of course you would b welcome in mt guest room. 

I know this is a short reply, but I am just headed off for a nap. Melinda just left, and my EBV has never ever been worse than right now. This is the highest fever I have ever had with this. The last 10 days were more difficult than when Bob died. So much stress and emotion. I am going to lie down now with my kitty and dream about you and Steve and how blessed I am to have you two as friends. 

 

Comment by Steve on June 3, 2018 at 2:01pm

Mary.Jane...I have been catching up on all the posts and just wanted to throw this out to you.  Chuck and I live outside of Dallas, TX, which I think is about 4 1/2 hours south of Tulsa, OK.  With very little planning, we could drive north late one afternoon, spend the night at a local motel, meet up with you the next morning and get you to and from the place you need to have your procedure.  This is an official offer with no expiration date or time and in no way are there any strings attached; nor should you assume that this would be in any way putting any burden on us.  We would enjoy the opportunity to assist a sister in need at anytime.  I love to drive and we both love to travel...

 Please keep this offer tucked away somewhere safe and easy to find and should you want to take advantage of this, all you have to do is send Chuck an Email with the dates and time.  We can then plan and coordinate everything else.  Besides, it would be really great to meet face to face and spend time talking.  Our time is our own and we can make and change plans on a dime....

Your brothers,

Steve and Chuck 

Comment by Marsha H on June 3, 2018 at 4:42am

Mary.Jane ...  I am praying for you that all will go well.  So many things can cause bleeding in that area and it can be just fissures (little cracks ...  you know where.  LOL)  Sometimes it's an inward hemorrhoid or you may have pollpps which are very common and most are not cancerous at all.  My girlfriend has had several removed.  Try not to think the worst (easy for me to say, difficult to do.)  Your doctor is just being what he should be ... extra careful.  My brother also just had pollops removed and all was well.

As far as you being alone how I do understand that as I'm in the same situation you are.  I believe Sara mentioned that there are special pick-ups for those that have to go to the hospital for tests, minor surgery and bring you home again.  Phone the hospital and explain your situation.  Generally the anesthetic isn't strong although they wouldn't want you to drive, but you don't drive anyway.  If you have a neighbor don't feel bad asking if they can keep an eye on you and check in on you.   Just wish your daughter could stay with you a few days.

Big hugs

Marsha   

Comment by Sara Murphy on June 2, 2018 at 6:42pm

Pete.......It's good to hear from you.  I'm sure you're Rose was with you on your anniversary (and always).  Wishing you peace and happiness as well.  You deserve it.

Comment by Mary. Jane on June 2, 2018 at 6:26pm

Thanks Deb...but around here, most procedures are done in an area where a group of colonoscopy Drs share an office and operating room. This is the hardest place to get anywhere and I live wayyyy out in a sub division that is hell and gone from everywhere except other subdivisions. LOL

Even the Senior Center in this city won,t come this far to give Seniors a ride to their center. I DO have a niece who lives 40 mins from me, and a SIL..the same...and two WONDERFUL women who take me shopping and to simple Dr appts. So something will work out. The niece works all day, and my SIL doesn,t have a car anymore...it’s a long long story...I am just shocked at WHY this had to happen now. In Feb when we went thru all the attic stuff,and shredding...it was so much better...but this time it was really personal stuff...and it was like i had lost Bob all over again.only worse,as I don,t have the grace of being in shock.

i don,t know what I would do if I DIDN,t have here to come to and the support of the wonderful people here on Legacy.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on June 2, 2018 at 1:50pm

Dear Sara,

I've had a rather emotionally draining week, so just now saw your post from Wednesday about the feather. I have to ring in and agree with Marsha, Trina, and Mary Beth - signs I still receive from Larry to let me know he's with me  are too timely and out-of-place to ignore. As Trina says, it doesn't matter what others think - when I see or hear something and instantly feel Larry's presence to calm or encourage me, I do not need anyone elses' validation. Feathers continue to be the most common of these, echoing back to the first one he sent in 2015. There was another this morning, and reading your post just made it clear all over again. We are not imagining things, nor are we deranged in any sense of the word. 

Keep believing in your close connection with Ken, because in your heart you know it is real - nothing else matters.

Be well, and sending you a hug from sweltering Texas!

Love, Chuck

Comment by DJ on June 2, 2018 at 12:37pm

Hey Pete, long time no see... I'm glad you still have a good attitude, in spite of everything.

Chicago & Pete: I wish you best memories of your respective Rose.

DJ

Comment by deborah peck on June 2, 2018 at 11:32am

Mary Jane see if your hospital has help for people that cant drive, my brother had it set up to be picked up and taken home from hospital, something they provided, good luck with it all I hope and pray it turns out to be nothing

Comment by Mary. Jane on June 2, 2018 at 9:36am

Thank you Pete..it is nice to know I am not alone in my difficulties. 

My heart goes out to you and also an apology to you, Beard, as I DIDN,t see your post about Rose and your anniversary until after I responded to your previous post.

two Roses, two anniversaries. God bless both of you, Pete and Beard. This June 17th will be my 51st anniversary.

Trina, thank you.

it has been a very emotional week..Melinda cleaned out the rest of the garage, and two spare rooms, where I had stashed 50 years of boxed momentos in at least 60 + boxes. I had no idea what we would find...old letters, poems, photos..papers we had to shred..the more we found the more I shut down. We donated hundreds of collectables, I just don,t care anymore or have the strength to sell them. 

Thank you for letting me vent. Hope everyone has a nice weekend.it is nearly 100 and muggy here...life sucking weather.

Comment by Pete Bronson on June 2, 2018 at 9:05am

Beard,

I quietly let my 37th anniversary with my Rose pass on Tuesday the 29th. I was difficult to get through but it past without major incident. I find by staying completely immersed in the challenges of the day helps keep me distracted enough to get through these type of days.

I have undergone several medical procedures and hospitalizations since being alone. It is tough when you are asked to have someone come with you or if anyone will be able to stay with you for a day or 2 and you have no one. It is even tougher when you can not drive yourself. I do not see well enough to drive any longer due to diabetes. But life goes on, there is always someone worse off than yourself, we just need to be thankful for what we had and currently have.

Hope everyone here finds some peace and happiness.

Pete

 

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