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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1. 4 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Patricia Huett on June 28, 2018 at 5:28pm

Just to let EVERYONE. know I'M OKAY, I've been in a hard and dark place, but I'm okay, I have to go thru this pain to come out a sane person. 

Love you sister, Patty

Comment by Diamond on June 28, 2018 at 2:51pm
Thank you all for sharing; thank you Chuck for your words of encouragement. Yes, life teaches us to embrace our moments with each other; as death ends all physical relationships. Death allows us to see how truly precious life is and the need to love every aspect of it. Legacy.com enables all of us to support and give encouragement during our most challenging aspect in life. Yes, we may all be scattered throughout this beautiful earth; however, we come together because we all experience the inevitable....death. the losing of a precious soul. The journey, we know, differs among us. Our greatest challenge is learning to cope with such unbearable pain and grief so that we can move forward in life....while realistically realizing that our loss loved one will be forever embedded in our heart. I personally, hold onto the hope given in the Bible I. Being re-united with all of my loved ones one day. Thank you, everyone!!!!!
Comment by Stephanie Hughes on June 28, 2018 at 1:35pm

HA!!!!  I forgot the link!!!!!!!

https://www.soulproof.com/loved-one-died/

Comment by Stephanie Hughes on June 28, 2018 at 1:34pm

Hi Everyone

I found this article one month into my grief journey (it's been 6 months now) and I found it very comforting. Just my humble opinion, so I wanted to pass this along. I hope it may offer someone else some comfort.

Peace to all

Stephanie

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on June 27, 2018 at 7:14pm

Dear Diamond,

I so agree with you in hoping that everything we share here gives hope and encouragement to anyone reaching for some understanding of their pain and loneliness upon losing their beloved - whether spouse, partner, or friend. I concur too with your belief that we can learn from our losses - about ourselves, about those left still around us, and especially about love.

I was in the hospital when my husband Larry passed, and sometime within the first 48 hours I was asked a question by a nurse. The entire hospital staff was aware of what had transpired, and I honestly felt like I was surrounded by angels every minute. Voices were filled with concern and quiet respect, from the housekeepers to the kitchen service. The question was asked by one particularly kind nurse who had been taking care of Larry as well as myself during her rotations to different floors and departments. She asked if I was mad at God, because she would understand if I felt that way. I remember pausing before answering her to actually search my heart. Finally I looked her in the eye and quietly said "No, I'm not mad at God. I just ask Him to give me the strength to get through this, because I know I can't do it without help."

That's the way I still feel, and in finding Legacy and this loving family, He certainly did direct me where my request was answered favorably.

Peace to you tonight Diamond, and thank you for sharing your uplifting thoughts -

Love, Chuck

Comment by Diamond on June 27, 2018 at 2:12pm
Thank you Jane for your kind words..and no you are not alone in wanting to live in a protective setting; I thought, I was the only one who mind take them to the worst level possible when something unsettling happens. I feel, death teaches us to love a little longer, to love a little stronger as this life as we know it is short lived. Love is also the major element that will keep us going..my faith in God and his promise for a better future keeps me moving forward in life despite the many challenges we all will face in life. I hope through tbis discussion group encouragement and hope will enable us all to cope with the loss of one lived one. Thank you.
Comment by Mary. Jane on June 26, 2018 at 4:51pm

Stephanie, sadly, I can top this. A very close friends husband has a doctorate in research, and about 7 years ago, he was working for a research Corp that had been developing a specific drug that targeted a certain type of cancer..(I don,t know what specific type cancer it was.) he was there for about ten years..researching and testing, developing, etc...and the results were wonderful. After around 10 years, in a blind study, 90% or more  of the patients who were given this drug were cancer free, or on the way to being so. It was wonderful! It was a miracle! The drug was proven to work, there was joy among the Drs...they were done with the research, it was submitted to the FDA, they were just waiting on the FDAs approval to release this medicine. Joy abounded. Bob and I even bought stock in the company..this was a sure thing...sick people who once had no hope got well! What could go wrong???

Unbelievably, the FDA.  DENYED the patent..and scrapped the tests. The reason? It was such a rare type of cancer, this drug cured, the FDA deemed it NOT PROFITABLE to grant whatever they grant to drug companies.  The company, the drs the patients were absolutely STUNNED! They tried to fight it, but Big Pharma won. The company dissolved, the formerly elated research team went their separate ways, and I have no idea what happened after that. The drug wasn,t developed for the market. The ONLY joy that came from this miracle was the test patients were cancer free.it still shocks me to even write about it here. It was a HUGE wake up call for so many people..it is all about $$$$$$$$, not curing cancer. 

Andnow, also, the drugs that DO make it to the market and get FDA approval have vague test results. They used to test drugs on people, or prisoners that volunteered..but now, not so much. Big Pharma figures if a few thousand people die from New marketed drugs, it is considered collateral damage..and the money they are making off the patients who take these drugs is worth people who are dying anyway, die sooner from side effects of these new drugs. 

“Oh well” just listen to the meds advertised on TV (which is illegal in a majority of other countries..but not HERE! Push this drugs...get that money..that is all they think of. It was a HUGE wake up call for a lot of people involved in caring for these sick people, and for friends, and investors like Bob and I we never viewed the world quite the same again. Our disalusionment and disappointment for our tiny  INvolment in a cure for cancer  was palatable, and heart breaking..that money trumped life. 

As for my friend the research Dr...he found another job..researching skin creams for a cosmetic company..but it was not what he went to school for..and something died in him after this. He wanted to “make a difference “ all his life, and this kicked him in the teeth. This is what our world has become.

Comment by Mary. Jane on June 26, 2018 at 4:08pm

Diamond, I agree with you, that was well said...but since I lost my husband, I seem to be obsessed with trying to SAVE everyone else from dying...my family,friends, even my CAT. Realistically, I know people die...and the older I get, I understand that it is the “circle of life”, but that doesn,t help my fears. if I don,t hear from my daughter all day, my brain goes to the worst case scenario...and my cat, who is my baby, is an older kitty..and I want him to live at least 20 years...yeah, I know..he could die at anytime..so I pray he doesn,t die instantly, as that would send me over the edge. 

Am I the only one who feels this way? I want to gather everyone I know, and be able to protect them from dying. And that is a huge cause of my daily fear and stress, as it is a impossible mission, and only God can do that.

Comment by Stephanie Hughes on June 26, 2018 at 4:07pm

Hi everyone

I just wanted to post a link to an interesting article from NPR:

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/06/24/621068147/twee...

Peace to my grief brothers and sisters

Steph

Comment by Diamond on June 26, 2018 at 2:40pm
Losing a love one is so painful. Each experience be it our parent, sibling, friend or mate is so painful and unreal. It hurts to the core of our being. The loss is never completely healed as it is not natural to die or to loose a loved one; my strenghth comes from beautiful memories and the promise given in the bible in seeing them again. Revelation 21:3,4.
 

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