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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 99 Replies

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Comment by Steve on July 6, 2018 at 12:41pm

With Mark's illness we both knew that as time went on he would continue to get worse.  His family history for adult males had a high fatality rate and that health issues woild rear their ugly head around age 50.  Mark was born with all of the markers for this and symptoms were showing early on.  His immune system kicked in and he recovered, allowing a normal healthy life.  The down side, he was told by doctors that his chances of living beyond the age of 50 were slim.  Other males in his family would have symptoms after 50 with a window of maybe 10 years.

My point, I wonder had Mark not been told he would not live beyond 50, would he have lived longer?  He passed just two months before his 51st birthday.  In fact his worst year was his last year.

His knowing that he had a limited lifespan, gave him a different perspective about life in general.  He was not depressed or negative, he taught me a lot about living.  We talked a great deal about how to handle his or my own passing.  He did not like talking about his illness, he just accepted it for what it was.  He was quite an amazing person with a wonderful, childlike way of seeing the world we live in.  I can look back now and see that for us, I wouldn't change anything.

Comment by Mary Nola on July 6, 2018 at 12:20pm

DEBORAH, No do not think that way!    It was Greg's time.

Nothing would have changed, I believe when God calls our loved ones, they are done here and we have to go on.

You are a good person, you were there for him and he will bless you from above honey!!!

Comment by deborah peck on July 6, 2018 at 11:40am

Been having a hard time lately, I think its because of my Gregs decision not to have a feeding tube put in so he could eat at my sisters on our big family gathering and we all knew it would make the end sooner since he wasn't swallowing so he just got to eat 2 meals before his lungs filled up with food and he passed two days later at home. I think I go thru all the what ifs this time of year. Do you ever wonder if things were done differently would the end have been the same or would we of had more time with our loved ones or did they even want to be there. after Gregs stroke he could no longer eat regular food or drinks and couldn't talk well enough for anyone to understand besides me, his best friend told me Greg wouldn't want to continue like that, but how do we really know that or was his mind really good enough to have made the decision he did. I don't know the answers to any of that and wish he could tell me.

Comment by Steve on July 6, 2018 at 11:36am

Thelivingurn.com

Comment by deborah peck on July 6, 2018 at 11:08am

Steve I love the planter, I think Im going to do that, what website did you find this on

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 6, 2018 at 10:51am

This is sort of for Sara, who mentioned her dreams and fear of drowning. I have just reread all these compelling posts..and I remembered something I had forgotten. Mostly this scene is played out in older movies..it doesn,t matter what time period is depicted..it is always the same. It is a peaceful  little village..in any small village in any country...Asian, African,  western, Middle East, the British empire, whatever..but it is always the same. The village people are at the well, socializing, getting water, having a pleasant day..WHEN YOU HEAR THE RIDERS ON THEIR HORSES coming. Even as a little kid, I would scream inside my head..”RUN AWAY! HIDE! there were never guns,,only SWORDS! 

i could not watch this carnage, even if it wasn,t really shown on the screen..it was the screaming, and the slaughter..that wasn,t really shown it was a lauded to, but I knew  they were dead, and some were BEHEADED. That is how either how I died in a post life, or saw everyone die I know it. Even as early as childhood, I will never wear a tight necklace, a scarf colar..and to me being beheaded is the worst way to die. I can barely think of it.

back to Sara’s post..about seeing people in dreams that she knows she once knew..how wonderful that must be. And the thought of parallel universes..ever see the TV show SLIDERS? I find that riveting. 

One of the things Edgar Cayce says, is that we have lived on many different planets. The idea that only earth is inhabited is ludicrous. We were,tmeant to know..we would just screw it up.

there is a wonderful older movie which is a Science Fiction movie, but the real message is about love and acceptance and iswonderful. It is called “Enemy Mine” with Dennis Quaid and Lou Alzader...it gets a bit muddled, and there is a lot of gratuitous scenes about slavery...but the main message is no matter what our species, intelligent life is not so different after all. 

Comment by Marsha H on July 6, 2018 at 4:00am

Steve ...  The planter is absolutely beautiful and I know Mark is smiling down at you always.  Thank you so much for sharing.

Your sis

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on July 6, 2018 at 3:58am

Mary Nola ...  Thanks for your post and I agree with you 100%.

I honestly believe that our spouses are near us and especially when we feel at our worst.  Believe!  Hope you are hanging in there and feeling a little better.

Marsha

Comment by Sara Murphy on July 5, 2018 at 9:35pm

Steve......I love this planter.  What a great tribute to Mark.

Comment by Sara Murphy on July 5, 2018 at 9:34pm

Chuck.....Very well said.  I too love our family here.  We can talk about anything without judgment.  It's refreshing and what I consider my safe place :)  

 

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