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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1. 4 Replies

Bad day

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Comment by deborah peck on July 8, 2018 at 1:42pm

Yesterday was our big families 4th of July celebration that I was dreading, this was the event Greg refused the eating tube for so he could eat when he was here, sadly he never made it and passed 2 days after eating so it brings up a sad time for me and I feel lost at big gatherings without him there with me. But I do want to post a picture of me and my siblings, I am the 3rd one from the left, the dark haired one is my best friend, my brother is always there to help with anything and my other sis lives in North Dakota but we always talk, I am truly blessed

Comment by deborah peck on July 8, 2018 at 11:46am

Ive been kinda chuckling to myself after reading everyones post on aging or on Beard and I being young, I am 62, GULP, and while I too don't feel my age and still do everything Ive always done and people think I don't look my age, I definetly look it in my face since Greg passed, I lost over 50lbs and feel like my face is very drawn and tired looking, which makes me sad but oh well. As far as me and Beard being spring chickens I have to chuckle as I am 62 and he said he is 68 so we are not young, but I do think age is a thing of mind for the most part, I mean I cant deny the aches when I first wake up but watching my 4 year old grandson surely keeps me hoping!

           Mary Jane I think once you get moved and settled you will feel better once again, normal moving is very draining but actual downsizing and going thru your whole life of you and your hubbys things has to be so hard mentally, sending prayers your way and hope it all gets done soon for you

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 8, 2018 at 9:38am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vil0NlYk58

Ok, kids..I don,t mean to ruin your morning..but I hope this link works. A few weeks ago, on America’s Got Talent, (AGT) these three adult children, sang this song they had written about their mother who had died of a fast moving cancer. This family had always made their own music, their father included, but when their mother/wife died, the family decided to do this..and audition for AGT. 

The song dropped me to my knees. The words were taken from a journal their mother had kept about her cancer, knowing she only had a few months to live, and this was her way of leaving her family a legacy of sorts...as it was a very fast moving cancer, and she wanted to write down everything she could to tell her family that even tho she was gone in THIS world, she would still be watching over them, all they had to do was believe she was still there. I may have muddled the facts, but to anyone here who lost their loved one from cancer, I give you this song. There are different clips of the audition, but this version one has the words. If this link doesn,t work, I urge you to look up “WE THREE”on YOUTUBE..not because of her cancer, but because it gives us hope that our loved ones are still watching over us.

Comment by Marsha H on July 8, 2018 at 4:14am

Dear Virginia ...  Thank you so much for letting us know about dear Kathy, an angel in her own right and we shall miss her.  The only saving grace is she's with her beloved husband and others she loved.  I too thank her for what she brought to Legacy; love, kindness and caring.

God Bless

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on July 8, 2018 at 4:12am

I bet I beat you all at 76!  I've been told I look 65 and I have the energy of a 50 year old (won't go lower than that because I'd be lying.  LOL)  Like Mary.Jane I don't feel old most of the time at all and to me it's a number.  Oh yes, I have days I get scared out of my mind being alone; wondering where my future is going to be and it's a neck to neck race at my age whether I find the happiness I crave or I end up dying first.  It doesn't bother me and I just try to have fun, do what I can and try to enjoy life.  I have friends of all ages and the younger ones keep me young and the older ones keep me from making a fool of myself.  LOL  

Mary.Jane, you've had a lot of emotions to move through with packing, your cancer scare, etc., so your body is just resting for now, but I know you'll be back up on your feet soon and become that spitfire once again.  Go girl!

Comment by Virginia on July 7, 2018 at 9:49pm

Hi everyone, I just wanted to post so some of the older members on here that yesterday we lost a dear member who joined  this group 9 + yrs ago. Kathy Obledzinski joined her beloved husband yesterday and I pray she is resting in peace and having a wonderful reunion with all of her loved ones. Thank you for your support Kathy and HUGS to all.

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 7, 2018 at 9:11pm

Ok, I am sorry..that was my “cutesy” answer...but this is how I really feel. I NEVER felt like I was old..71 isn,t old...but I gotta confess, I have been feeling really old, and scared, and this is something I just have to get over. I was 68 when Bob got sick..and I had so much energy!!  I was sure if I did everything in my power, I could save him. I couldn,t...but even after he died. I still had the energy, cuz I was sure this was all a really bad dream, and he would be back. So I spent my days doing stuff, like crafts, cleaning the house...etc...even when reality kicked in I was ok. But now I feel like I am 300 years old. My strength is sapped. When my daughter was here last month, we went through box after box of stuff BOb had collected...it was overwhelming..but I thought I could sell it on EBay...that DIDN,t work out..so we gave most of it away...then .I was supposed to be downsizing, cleaning out more stuff, but I was frozen, and except for following my cat around to make sure he was ok every hour,  and I was  wasting valuable time with EBay..so I quit...then came the cancer scare, which crippled my doing anything except worrying...so nothing got done..finally, the good news, I DIDN,t have cancer, but I DIDN,t bounce back! I have spent the last week feeling like a dish rag, no energy...cuz they REALLY overloaded me on 2 days of prep, followed by a bad reaction to the anesthesia, wanted to sleep all day, add the life sucking hot weather and that is how I have been living for the last month. I checked with the Drs office, and yes, this sort of thing complete lethargy DOES happen...which is why I said I felt old. Old and useless. So, NO, Beard, 68 is not old, neither is 71...and I just have to hope I get better. Actually, today I started going through more old paperwork, shredding, which made me depressed again..but at LEAST I DID something besides sleep. So there you have it. My life for the last month. 

The worst part? I am terrified I won,t get back to ME again! I don,t want to feel old, I want a new life in California, and I want my cat to live another 10 years...and my daughter and friends to live at least 50 more years...and pathetically I would like to gather everyone I know people here included, and put them in a magic place where no one ever has to die again. No I am not drunk, or stoned..I am just afraid  of the future. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 7, 2018 at 7:07pm

Well, almost happy birthday! 55 is young...68 is barely mellowed..like fine wine. At least to me.

Comment by Chicago Beard on July 7, 2018 at 4:30pm

Mary Jane

Define young. I turn 68 on the 31st of July.

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 7, 2018 at 4:29pm

Yes,  Deb..both you and Beard, and most  of people on this site are still young. And those of us who’s bodies are a little creaky, are still kicking booty!

To BOTH of you..to ALL of you...Don,t stop living at this venue of of your life. You both have many many years left...enjoy them if you wish. We were left here for a reason...to enjoy all the beauty and friendship we can...and now we really appreciate life..we don,t take anything for granted. Who knows what life has in store for us..even an old lady like me..I know I said intimacy wasn,t an option,  but that doesn,t mean I don,t want to enjoy new friendships and experiences. So I think we should all look forward to possible new experiences..even me. My body might be 71, but my personality and mindset is about 35..if I could just REMEMBER stuff, and knew how to drive a car, I could kick A$$! LOL

 

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