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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: 1 hour ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 99 Replies

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Comment by georgia on July 10, 2018 at 6:50pm

Hello everyone,

It has been a long time since I posted.

I follow the writing of all but I just do not post frequent .

Steve the sculpture is what prompted me to say, I feel the weight of that sculpture so often .

It will be five years July the 14 th. since I lost my Luis.

The weight  of greif is unbearable at times ,but something deep down keeps us going.

Thank you to all for keeping me going.

love and kisses

georgia.

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 10, 2018 at 4:56pm

Steve, thank you for posting those. I looked at them for along time, several times, and although I don,t feel The My Experience one..I might have in the past, I don,t remember..but after I looked at it and read it and studied the lines, I feel I have transcended a bit. 

Now for the sculpture, when I first looked at it, of course I “got it” and thought OMG, yes, I feel that way...but not for the reason of being weighed down...yes partially, but Bobwas an artist, and we visited every museum we could..and he taught me how to see that what you first think something is, may not be.

yes, the man is terribly weighed down...hunched with the pain and weight of his grief...and the stones he now carries...but the longer I studied it, the different it became to me...such a slight difference, but it was there...in the tilt of his head..so slight, but I saw HOPE...so minuscule, but to my eyes, it was there. And as I studied it, there seemed to be in his pose, a slight rising up...as if his weight had almost destroyed him...except for a tiny spark as his TOES were slightly lifted..that maybe, just maybe although he will forever carry this weight of grief..the tiny spark of spirit that is in all of us might help him break the metal, and release the some of the tones.

thank you.

Comment by deborah peck on July 10, 2018 at 10:44am

Mary Jane, that is so funny, I can imagine everyone thinking, what the heck is wrong with her, too funny but so sad. The only time I feel like Im not acting is with my kids, even my sister who is my best friend I don't want to bring her down so I put on an act, grief is crazy

Comment by Steve on July 10, 2018 at 8:49am

LB Grief pix“The weight of grief” sculpture by Celeste Roberge

Comment by Steve on July 10, 2018 at 8:35am

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 9, 2018 at 8:23pm

Oh my God, Deb! Thank you so much for posting that! When I read your words..”not sure how to be me anymore” it was a giant lightbulb going off in my brain! That is EXACTLY how I feel in my very limited social settings! 

If I act sad, will I bum everyone out? If I act happy, will they think I am cold and callous?  Who am I now? I am not the same person I was anymore...but I am not sure who I am! 

I have 2 monthly social situations...one is Bunko the other is a monthly nail salon...and since I DIDN,t want pity, or to be avoided..I created this new persona.  I call her The DINGBAT! At Bunko, I blather away about NOTHING..never shutting up, seriously..they all think I am dumb...cuz I pretend to be so I won,t have to “keep score”, and then they will find out that I really CAN’T keep score cuz I cannot focus. 

At the busy nail salon...I never shut up either, I just joke around with everyone...they call me “Hippie Mary” and all the time I am running my mouth my brain is asking what is WRONG with me?  Who IS this person?  I feel if I stop talk people will stare and either feel sorry, or avoid me altogether. 

Luckily I can be myself in a small group setting and with my closest friends..but even then, I have this feeling that I lost BOb, and now if I keep this up, I will loose ME too.

Comment by deborah peck on July 9, 2018 at 6:43pm

thank you guys your all so helpful, its been a rough time lately, and I did have a good time but I always feel lost and not sure how to be me anymore, is that weird, not sure if anybody would understand

Comment by Sara Murphy on July 8, 2018 at 1:58pm

Debbie.......I have to agree with everyone, nothing we could have done or not done would have changed the outcome.  Believe me, I tried everything including giving Ken an organ but ultimately, it was God's plan and I have to find a way to live with this.  I had always believed that our date of death is determined at our conception so I believe Ken would have passed away when he did even if he were healthy.  This of course, is jut my belief but it helps me beat the guilt back when I question decisions we made.

I'm glad you went to the 4th of July celebration.  I know it wasn't easy.  I hope you were able to have a nice time.

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 8, 2018 at 1:52pm

WHAT A GREAT PICTURE!  Beautiful setting, and you do NOT look 62!

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 8, 2018 at 1:47pm

Thank you Deb. I do feel MUCH better today..I was in a really bad place yesterday afternoon...and I hope I DIDN,t bring anyone down. I feel better today. I, too lost a ton of weight since Bob died, and shrunk a few inches..and I still cannot find clothes that fit me, and I should be wearing longer sleeves to hide the wrinkles on my upper arms..but I figure I earned every one of those wrinkles. LOL.

however, ironically, I spent last night looking up which face creams are best for older women lol..turns out the #1 Good Housekeeping winner was something I already have, and forgot about it. And it’s CHEAP! Nuetrogena rapid wrinkle repair $15-$20 bucks..so I am giving it a 4 week test run. Lol

and for you fellows...you too can use it! But men don,t show facial wrinkles like women do...I read somewhere it is cuz they shave which renews dead skin. Ok bye for now.

 

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