Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: yesterday
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1.
Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10.
Started by Legacy.com Dec 28, 2017.
Steve, thank you for posting those. I looked at them for along time, several times, and although I don,t feel The My Experience one..I might have in the past, I don,t remember..but after I looked at it and read it and studied the lines, I feel I have transcended a bit.
Now for the sculpture, when I first looked at it, of course I “got it” and thought OMG, yes, I feel that way...but not for the reason of being weighed down...yes partially, but Bobwas an artist, and we visited every museum we could..and he taught me how to see that what you first think something is, may not be.
yes, the man is terribly weighed down...hunched with the pain and weight of his grief...and the stones he now carries...but the longer I studied it, the different it became to me...such a slight difference, but it was there...in the tilt of his head..so slight, but I saw HOPE...so minuscule, but to my eyes, it was there. And as I studied it, there seemed to be in his pose, a slight rising up...as if his weight had almost destroyed him...except for a tiny spark as his TOES were slightly lifted..that maybe, just maybe although he will forever carry this weight of grief..the tiny spark of spirit that is in all of us might help him break the metal, and release the some of the tones.
Mary Jane, that is so funny, I can imagine everyone thinking, what the heck is wrong with her, too funny but so sad. The only time I feel like Im not acting is with my kids, even my sister who is my best friend I don't want to bring her down so I put on an act, grief is crazy
“The weight of grief” sculpture by Celeste Roberge
Oh my God, Deb! Thank you so much for posting that! When I read your words..”not sure how to be me anymore” it was a giant lightbulb going off in my brain! That is EXACTLY how I feel in my very limited social settings!
If I act sad, will I bum everyone out? If I act happy, will they think I am cold and callous? Who am I now? I am not the same person I was anymore...but I am not sure who I am!
I have 2 monthly social situations...one is Bunko the other is a monthly nail salon...and since I DIDN,t want pity, or to be avoided..I created this new persona. I call her The DINGBAT! At Bunko, I blather away about NOTHING..never shutting up, seriously..they all think I am dumb...cuz I pretend to be so I won,t have to “keep score”, and then they will find out that I really CAN’T keep score cuz I cannot focus.
At the busy nail salon...I never shut up either, I just joke around with everyone...they call me “Hippie Mary” and all the time I am running my mouth my brain is asking what is WRONG with me? Who IS this person? I feel if I stop talk people will stare and either feel sorry, or avoid me altogether.
Luckily I can be myself in a small group setting and with my closest friends..but even then, I have this feeling that I lost BOb, and now if I keep this up, I will loose ME too.
thank you guys your all so helpful, its been a rough time lately, and I did have a good time but I always feel lost and not sure how to be me anymore, is that weird, not sure if anybody would understand
Debbie.......I have to agree with everyone, nothing we could have done or not done would have changed the outcome. Believe me, I tried everything including giving Ken an organ but ultimately, it was God's plan and I have to find a way to live with this. I had always believed that our date of death is determined at our conception so I believe Ken would have passed away when he did even if he were healthy. This of course, is jut my belief but it helps me beat the guilt back when I question decisions we made.
I'm glad you went to the 4th of July celebration. I know it wasn't easy. I hope you were able to have a nice time.
WHAT A GREAT PICTURE! Beautiful setting, and you do NOT look 62!
Thank you Deb. I do feel MUCH better today..I was in a really bad place yesterday afternoon...and I hope I DIDN,t bring anyone down. I feel better today. I, too lost a ton of weight since Bob died, and shrunk a few inches..and I still cannot find clothes that fit me, and I should be wearing longer sleeves to hide the wrinkles on my upper arms..but I figure I earned every one of those wrinkles. LOL.
however, ironically, I spent last night looking up which face creams are best for older women lol..turns out the #1 Good Housekeeping winner was something I already have, and forgot about it. And it’s CHEAP! Nuetrogena rapid wrinkle repair $15-$20 bucks..so I am giving it a 4 week test run. Lol
and for you fellows...you too can use it! But men don,t show facial wrinkles like women do...I read somewhere it is cuz they shave which renews dead skin. Ok bye for now.
Yesterday was our big families 4th of July celebration that I was dreading, this was the event Greg refused the eating tube for so he could eat when he was here, sadly he never made it and passed 2 days after eating so it brings up a sad time for me and I feel lost at big gatherings without him there with me. But I do want to post a picture of me and my siblings, I am the 3rd one from the left, the dark haired one is my best friend, my brother is always there to help with anything and my other sis lives in North Dakota but we always talk, I am truly blessed
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