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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 99 Replies

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Comment by Steve on July 15, 2018 at 9:24am

Mary.Jane

ABBA, one of my all time favorite groups, only preceedef by The Mamas and Pappas...thank you.

Music was one of the first things I banned from my life when Mark died, listening and hearing "our" favorites was too painful.  Now though, I don't mind hearing those precious memories and yes I still cry, but differently.  They now leave me feeling happy in a way I did not know before.

One of Mark's favorite singer was Meatloaf...not mine...however, the song he played often was "It's all coming back to me now".  One of my favorites since his passing, I can listen to it and feel his presence...maybe just my imagination...still, I am left with such joy.

Our beloved do visit us, of this am certain, of this I am comforted by. 

Keep singing and dancing dear lady, music is a universal medicine for all....enjoy.

Comment by DJ on July 14, 2018 at 11:37pm

Sara; sorry for your loss.  It's good that Ken has been with you all week.  Your Dad will be joining him to be by your side now

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 14, 2018 at 10:28pm

Theses last few days have been very weird..apparently for a few of US! they started slowly, but last night and a few days b4, I would be going about my day, when suddenly I would get the feeling of the huge sharp KNIFE of pain, and desolation running thu my heart..and feel an overwhelming sense of desolation. It DIDN,t last very long, maybe a few seconds...and then about 30 minutes while I mulled it over each time...recollected etc..I think u all know what I am talking about..but the TIMING was different. And I got the feeling maybe the planets are aligned some weird way..did anyone else here feel strangely sad too?

Deb...I loose track of how long it’s been too..then I feel guilty..buy I too, have a ROBIN thing..that happened about a month ago...it was a Sunday, and I was VERY depressed ...there is a SINGLE robin that hangs around the back yard...I named him Bob, for the song lyrics “the red Red Robin goes BOb Bob Bobbin’ along.ANYWAY, that day I felt sad, so I looked out the back door to see my robin..and he wasn,t there...and I got REALLY angry..and I stood there and swore, at Bob...cuz since he made me sad by leaving, the LEAST he could do is send the darn robin when I needed it..but NOTHING..for about 10 minutes .so I turned away from the window, and saw a movement to my right, AND THERE HE WAS. Yup, the little bird hopped into view. He turned, looked at me, then flew away..as if to say: gimme a break here..I came as soon as I could. 

Now my last thing..tonight they showed Mama Mia on TV...of course I cried...and sang, and danced and cried more, cuz it was cheesy and happy and it reminded me I wasn,t...and they had the words to each song at the bottom of the screen...ok, I own all ABBAS CD,s and thought I knew the song words..but songs lyrics hit me like a blow to the head: it is called Voulez Vous

”Now is All We Get...Nothing promised, No Regrets”

How true.  Goodnight, kids

Comment by Marsha H on July 14, 2018 at 4:32pm

Todd ...  It's wonderful to see you post again and thank you so much for the picture of that sculpture and I know we can all relate to that.  In fact, just the other day I was sitting outside on the deck in the same position feeling defeated, over-whelmed and sad.  Missing my Ernie, had some dear friends pass away and now helping my best girlfriend try to defeat cancer and on and on it goes.  It's as if the Grim Reaper is sitting on my doorstep.  While I sit like that, I think a lot about life and death and hurting so bad missing those I love.  It's part of grieving as we know, but later I realize that there is a reason for everything even if we don't understand it.  Some days one can feel like they are walking on air and without warning we can feel like that sculpture.  Art is a wonderful way of expressing how each of us feels so thank you again.

Hope you are doing as well as you can and that peace comes to more and more as the days pass.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on July 14, 2018 at 4:25pm

Dear Sarah ...  I am so sorry to hear about your father.  Losing a spouse is bad enough, but I can understand your feelings of losing your father and yes, you are right, we expect our spouses to be there when one or both of our parents pass away and I was lucky I had Ernie.

All the feelings you are having now raises up the thought of your own mortality and a 'who is next' attitude, but that will fade away in the future.  You have lost and losing the very people you love and it's so hard to deal with.  Yes, I've felt like you and at times I just wonder when my turn is coming, but up I get, dust myself off and do what I have to do.  You were a good daughter and a good wife and made your husband and father proud of you.  You have have the strength to get through this and we're all here to support you.

I don't know if this will help or not and it does come with age most of the time (I'm in my 70's) but I look at the passing of loved ones that they are out of pain and going to a better place and waiting for us to join them.  That gives me a great deal of peace.  I know they are still right by us helping where they can.  

Praying for you Sara to give you the strength to get through this.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on July 14, 2018 at 4:16pm

Deborah ...  Like you, I always kiss my husband's picture on the mantle each morning and before I go to bed.  There is some peace in doing this and it's all normal.  Grief is an odd adventure in people's lives and there is so many emotions and so many things to do after a loved one passes away time does seem to fly by without us knowing it, but our brains only seem to remind us of the long haul of grief.  It has been 7 years since my Ernie passed away and I can't believe it's that long and I'm still here!  Yet in ways it seems the grief journey and turmoil of emotions has been one long haul and goes on forever.  I now find I'm eking out some type of life for myself and now when I look at pictures of Ernie, I smile and out loud to him say, 'Hon, we had the time of our lives while it lasted.'  

Odd you should mention the Bluebird.  The day Ernie passed away and I came home wandering aimlessly through the gardens a Blue Jay (which we never get around our home) swooping down and dropped a beautiful blue feather which I still have.  It was as if Ernie was saying, 'Hon, I made it and feel great!'  I felt peaceful after that, but at the same time wish I was with him.  I have no doubt at all that you seeing that Bluebird was your husband letting you know you did everything you could and he was at peace and happy.  I'm happy for you that you received this message.

Hugs

Marcy

Comment by deborah peck on July 14, 2018 at 3:45pm

Most of you know that I have been having a hard time lately, yesterday two things happened, I always tell my husbands ashes good morning and my plans for the day, yesterday I told him I cant believe its been a year already and I went into a complete panic, It was like I really didn't realize it until I said it to him, its been 14 months, you would thing that I would of figured it out by now. Th other thing was when he first passed I told him that if I saw a bluebird at our feeders that I would know it was him sice he always wanted to see one but never had, well yesterday I was talking to my granddaughter that I really needed to know he was okay and was there anything I could've done differently to save him, now mind you I had yet to see a bluebird,, so I opened my door maybe an hour later and there sat a bluebird at my feeder, I know it was him telling me everything is good and he is here, was such a good feeling

Comment by deborah peck on July 14, 2018 at 10:33am

Sara, I am so sorry to hear about uour dad, we are all here to help anyway we can, take care of yourself

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 13, 2018 at 9:31am

Todd, I don,t know you, but I have to comment on the picture of the sculpture you shared . Omg...I have felt exactly like that more days than not....and still do, tho it is getting better in the 2 years and 5 months since Bob died, after 49 years of marriage. 

Somehing clicked into my mind, when I first saw it..I wonder if Paul Simon had seen this before he wrote these words from the song GRACELAND: “loosing love is like a window in your heart. Everybody sees you’re blown apart..everybody feels the wind blow” 

As I looked through the large opening, and his desolate pose, that song came to mind. Now I understand...Thank you for sharing it. 

Mary Jane

Comment by Steve on July 13, 2018 at 8:30am

Thank you Todd for the picture, very powerful.  Nice to hear from you sir, gives me an opportunity to say thanks to you for your support when I found this wonderful site of caring souls.

Thank You

Steve

 

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