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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1366
Latest Conversations: 2 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 99 Replies

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Comment by Sara Murphy on August 12, 2018 at 8:57pm

Mary Jane.......I'm thinking of another song from Linda Rhondstat---I Am Woman.  I can't say I know the lyrics but I believe there's a line that says "I am woman, hear me roar".  You got this Mary Jane.  You're going to find the strength and make a successful move to Ca.   Your angel is working behind the scene to help you.

Comment by Sara Murphy on August 12, 2018 at 8:53pm

Debbie......I  just read your post about feeling guilty when you have a good time and I know what you mean.  In fact, I was going to ask myself if anyone felt this way.  Last night I went with friends to the concert at Fenway Park and felt so guilty for having a good time.  It was a concert I know Ken would have loved and I didn't feel quite right being there when he couldn't.  I got to bed at 12:30 but couldn't get to sleep for a few hours because I couldn't shut my brain off.  I do wonder if I'll always feel so guilty for living.

Comment by Linda Price on August 12, 2018 at 1:53pm

Comment by Linda Price 

Mary Jane, I have been having the same thoughts as yourself lately. My husband  had a long term illness and passed away June 20 this year. Sometimes I would feel trapped and isolated due to me caring for him. I felt guilty having those thoughts. I had a very loving husband who told me not to stay home a lot but to volunteer and have fun with friends. I am not sleeping well either I wake thinking what I have to do or being with him his last hours. I have rejoined a Senior club and begun easy exercises. I am feeling better. I can’t stay home eating and watching tv. Thinking of painting again even though it has been years. At church there is an unofficial group of older widows. We support and encourage each other to be active. I hope you will be feeling stronger soon. Life is beautiful....a new chapter for us, pages may be slow in coming. God Bless you.

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 11, 2018 at 7:09pm

Absolutely. I think it might be a combination of GUILT, and loneliness..and, yes, once my mind starts racing when I try to sleep..sometimes I have to take a light sedative to stop it. Or, I TALK to Bob...tell him about what I did that night, (even tho I know he already knows cuz I figure he was with me the entire time)

Also, doing all those things at once is enough to make anyone’s mind race...good food, good movie plot, etc..laughter...your mind was racing all night, you just DIDN,t dwell on it, till you tried to sleep...and then your thoughts naturally went and relived the painful memories that we all don,t want to think about. Sometimes when my mind goes there, I talk to BOb, instead of reliving it, and tell him how much I miss him...sometimes it works, sometimes not...

I think the worse thing is the loss and loneliness we feel without them. I don,t go out much, but I do play Bunco every month..and when Bob was alive, when I got home, and opened the door,he would be sitting in his red chair, and he would give me a big smile, and ask if I had a good time...we,d laugh and talk and then he got sick..and wasn,t there anymore. Going home to the empty house was/is so hard...for months after he died, I would ask whomever drove me home, if they would walk up to the door with me. I lied, and said I was afraid of intruders..but it was really to avoid the empty house, and not hearing his voice welcoming me home.it helped. Once I opened the front door and looked at his empty chair, I would b ok...not better, but that moment would be ok then. 

Don,t feel guilty for enjoying life. For whatever reason, we are the ones left, to carry on and create a new life. But I truly believe Bob is here with me...as I talk to him all day. I also ask him to find stuff for me..and most times he does. Have you tried asking Greg where that hoodie is? I know I sound like I have gone round the bend..but it can,t hurt to ask Greg...maybe you will suddenly remember where it might be! That will be Greg, telling you. 

Comment by deborah peck on August 11, 2018 at 5:35pm

So this is how my evening and night went yesterday, went out to eat and a movie with my sisters to celebrate one of their birthdays, had such a nice time, loved going to eat and the movie was great, came home and watched TV for a little bit then tried to go to sleep, the rest of the night until 4 am I was in misery, I started reliving everything from the time Greg had his stroke , the pain I felt when he could no longer respond to anything the shock when I realized he was dying, it went on like this all night with me getting up at one point for a mad search for a hoodie of his that I haven't been able to find since he passed to me curling up with another hoodie that hasn't been washed since hes been gone to me crying myself to sleep. It has finally dawned on me that this goes on everytime I have a nice time and am happy, I think it is guilt for feeling happy. I know that he would be thrilled I had a good time as he always did whatever would make me happy, he was an amazingly supportive person. Why do I feel this way then, Ive got to stop, its making me not want to enjoy anything at all, Does anyone else feel this way

Comment by deborah peck on August 11, 2018 at 5:19pm

Thank you Steve, I love making cards, its so relaxing to me, my granddaughter says I should sell them but I tell her no it wouldn't be fun then, it would be work!

Comment by Steve on August 11, 2018 at 12:22pm

The card is beautifully done with such precise details, a work of art and love.  Wow is much better...the picture shows better than you think...I could zoom in and see all of your wonderful work.  

Comment by deborah peck on August 11, 2018 at 11:45am

sorry, the card is to show you all what I do in my craft room and making scrapbooks, this was a card for my sisters birthday

Comment by deborah peck on August 11, 2018 at 11:44am

Comment by deborah peck on August 11, 2018 at 11:42am

Mary Jane, you've got this, your a strong woman and you will do this, take a deep breathe and plunge ahead to the next chapter in your life

 

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