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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones 3 hours ago. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

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Comment by Sara Murphy on August 22, 2018 at 9:21am

Jeanette.......I'm sorry for the loss that has brought you to us.  I echo Steve's sentiment that finding this site was a Godsend for me.  I lost my husband Ken 2 1/2 yrs ago.  He was just 52 and I was 50.  None of my family/friends could understand the grief of losing your soulmate.  When I found Legacy and started reading the posts, I knew I found "my people".  When you see someone else writing about what's in your own head and heart, you know you've found people who understand. 

I too have always had difficulties in the morning.  It's hard to start yet another day when the only person you want is no longer available to you.  Somehow though, I find the strength to get going especially because I know it's what Ken would want for me.  It's funny how you mention no one else loving you 24/7.  This has recently been on my mind.  I lost my father in July and now the only person remaining who would love me unconditionally is my mother.  Once she passes, there's no one left.  I do have 4 siblings but as you say, siblings don't love you unconditionally, 24/7.  It's a scary world.  I rely on my faith in God to give me strength.  I'm certainly better now than I was when I first lost him but I also feel as if I've plateaued. 

Please know that we are all here for you whenever you need to talk.  This is a true judgment free zone.

Sending you a virtual hug.

Sara

Comment by Steve on August 21, 2018 at 10:30pm

One of my favorite quotes:

“When I think of death, and of late the idea has come with alarming frequency, I seem at peace with the idea that a day will dawn when I will no longer be among those living in the valley of strange humors.
I can accept the idea of my own demise but I am unable to accept the death of anyone else. I find it impossible to let a friend or relative go into that country of no return.
Disbelief becomes my close companion, and anger follows in its wake. I answer the heroic question ‘Death, where is thy sting?’ with ‘it is here in my heart and mind and memories’.”

By Maya Angelou

Comment by Steve on August 21, 2018 at 10:27pm

Jeanette,

So sorry for your loss, words are not sufficient to express the pain each one of us goes through.  I am glad that you have found this site, for me it was and still is my life line to sanity.  This November 30th will be the 4th anniversary of my Mark's passing.  Mark died from a genetic disease very similar to Parkinson's, something each male in his family suffered with.  Our life together was always overshadowed by this fact and we always talked about it, even though we both tried not to accept the inevitable.  Mark and I had 26 years together and it was the last 7 years that his health started to decline.  He would have seizers that lasted only a few seconds or a minute, each one affecting him differently.  As his health declined his seizers frequency increased.  He would go into a state where he was conscience and aware of his surroundings, but he could not move or speak.  Sometimes he would be home alone when these happened and then on November 30th he actually had one while sleeping, as his breathing became labored I sat there in complete horror and alone watching as he took his last breath.  Having to deal with the police because he passed in our apartment was just as painful.  I did not want to be alone, however, when they all finally left, I cried until I passed out from exhaustion.  Each day became a challenge just to get out of bed, each day became something I dreaded, going to work and dealing with questions and stares, knowing that everyone meant well, yet knowing they did not understand the extent of my pain and  loss was as sad as loosing Mark.  

It is hard to explain the number of emotions that we each one face on a day to day basis, I can however offer up hope for you.  As we get thru each day, sometimes moment by moment, we grow stronger, the pain and loss never leaves us, but we do get better.  Please hang in there and post here as often as you want, even if it is to just vent.  This site was and is a God send for me and hope you continue to post here as well.  Take care of yourself, there are no rules in how we choose to grieve, we all do so differently.

Sending you hugs cause you need them,

Steve 

Comment by Jeanette McSherry on August 21, 2018 at 9:55pm

Greetings  Lost my husband the end of June in an unexpected accident. It has been financially chaotic ever since. The hardest times are the mornings- getting myself going. I don't get done with phone calls and running to and from the post office until 4PM and then for a few hours I relax. Then comes the loneliness and realizing that no one else in the world loves you 24/7 - not even siblings. Maybe parents but my mother died young and I never lived with my father. Thank you all for being here for me.

Comment by deborah peck on August 16, 2018 at 9:17am

Woke uo thinking of you today Mary, praying for you

Comment by Sara Murphy on August 15, 2018 at 9:49pm

Mary.....Wedding anniversaries are tough.  I'm sending you a hug.  I hope the church mass will leave you with a sense of peace. 

Comment by Mary Nola on August 15, 2018 at 5:42pm

tomorrow is my anniversary first one without my love going to church mass said we would have been married 15 years still cannot believe this miss him so much!     

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 15, 2018 at 12:22pm

Oh, Linda I just realized I never replied to your kind post. I hope you DO start painting again...can’t hurt...and if it doesn,t work out, at least you will know that it isn,t for you anymore. I am guessing that you are older...I will b 72 next month and I have no idea what happened to my strength...but it seems to be gone...and it is only 2 1/2 years since my husband died...I was so strong then...thank you for your lovely post..I wish u the best.

Comment by deborah peck on August 15, 2018 at 11:06am

Mary Jane thank you for your kind words, I was truly blessed to have two great men in my life, they were truly the special ones, God put them both in my life path and I will be forever grateful

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 14, 2018 at 10:22pm

Deb it is people like you,who give the world love. I cannot even imagine having two loves who left this world,let alone one. But you were so brave, and so loving, you opened your heart and took a chance a second time. To give of yourself to two people makes you a very special person. There is so much more I want to say, but I don,t know how to put into words. I am so sorry you had/have to endure so much pain...but if you view what happened from a different prospective..you gave two people unconditional love, and enriched their lives. Albeit, their lives were short, and left you with such pain, but it takes a very special person like YOU to have given so much love..only to be hurt twice. I couldn,t do that...but YOU did...you must be a very special person. To have both endured the pain, and also given your love, and made their lives better, is amazing. I know you never signed up for this, and I don,t understand why this had to happen to you...but you must be a wonderful,loving person, who enriched the short lives of two people. I like to think there is a special place in heaven for people such as yourself..Go with God, my friend.

 

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