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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1365
Latest Conversations: yesterday

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 99 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Jeanette McSherry Aug 31. 6 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on September 1, 2018 at 5:36am

Oh Mary ...  You're a pip!  Of course you NEVER offend any of us.  That's why we're hear to say what we feel and when frustrated or angry it's good to get it out of your system and I commend you for that.  I have to I laugh at some of your post; NOT LAUGHING AT YOU, but just the way you express yourself.  It's like reading a over the top novel never knowing what is coming next.  LOL

Love you for YOU

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 31, 2018 at 8:52pm

Thanks, guys!

Comment by deborah peck on August 31, 2018 at 7:00pm

I went and got Greg balloons for his pond for our anniversary this morning, have been fighting tears all day but the day is almost over and with all the special days I will make it thru it as we all do

Comment by deborah peck on August 31, 2018 at 6:57pm

Mary Jane I agree with Steve, no one should have to be afraid of offending anyone on here, I feel like its a safe zone for us all to vent as long as its not racial Im good

Comment by Steve on August 31, 2018 at 4:39pm

Mary.Jane - you  never have to apologize for anything you say on this site...if we start thrown stones at each other we would all have a lot of bruises...Your comments inspire me personally to think in ways I hadn't thought of before.  That is why I love this forum...we do not judge each other.  Too bad the rest of the outside world seems to think that is ok along with bullying and a host of other bad manners.  You dear heart have a lot to say and we all manage to support each other with our posts, inquiries, questions and insights.  Keep on being yourself, that is why people love you dear sister.

quote from Maya Angelou:

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 31, 2018 at 1:37pm

Hello everyone. I have a question for you. Sometimes after I post, I get worried that I might have said the wrong thing, or overstepped any boundaries. There are lots of times I tend to run my (mouth) keyboard and I worry about that all the time. 

I also have a terrible habit of apologizing all the time! For everything! Even stuff I have no control over! Friends and family have told me over and over to “STOP APOLOGIZING” for everything. I don,t think I was like this before Bob died...I just always feel if I say I am sorry, things will be better. Yes, I am weird. LOL

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 31, 2018 at 9:25am

Deb, my apologies..I DIDN,t see your post. I know today is your anniversary...and it is so very difficult. 

In a sense, I experienced the same feelings..so I know how crushing it is It took me 18 months before it hit me, like a blow to the head, that this was real...I would never hear his laughter or hug  his solid chest, while we stood in the West window and watched a pretty sunset together..with our arms around each other we would say in tandem “A tender moment” I remember exactly where I was..walking through the kitchen, the moment realization kicked in, and the horrible pain nearly dropped me to my knees.

I will always be his wife, and he will be my husband until the day I die. That is just how it will always be for me. Sometimes, I can feel him here, so I talk to him...but lately that seems to be fading...I think it is the stress of trying to relocate..and my fears he won,t be able to find me...but that is silly, because he doesn,t live in this house, he lives in my heart, and always will. 

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on August 31, 2018 at 6:38am

Dear Debbie,

My thoughts are with you today - your comments made me pause and reflect on when the finality and permanence of Larry's loss first hit me. It was I believe when a friend drove me home from the hospital, chatting all the long way preparing me for the fact that the lawn needed mowing but her husband was coming the next day to do it. Also the mail box had been knocked down by a car, but he would fix that too. Then she walked me in, lifting my walker for me up the few steps necessary to enter the silent house. She then left for an urgent business appointment, and I sat in the kitchen listening to the silence roaring through the empty rooms and my tortured brain. It was then I actually realized that indeed Larry was not going to ever walk into that kitchen again.

I too still feel married - of late I have had to fill in many forms asking my marital status, and when I hover over married I am tempted to check that box rather than widow/widower, but I know that would confuse them in their paperwork. Still, it is more true than the box I do check, so I get it about what you are saying.

I pray that you have some peace today, and as you reflect on 27 years that have passed, may you feel your husband by you holding you and loving you forever.

Love, Chuck

Comment by Marsha H on August 31, 2018 at 4:32am

Dear Debbie ...  Of course I don't mind one bit if you use that link for the nature music youtube.  It's meant for all of you.  I listen to it each night before I sign out and go to bed.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on August 31, 2018 at 4:17am

Jeanette ...  No marriage is perfect and it's natural when two people live together usually with different personalities it's fair to say each spouse can get on the other's nerves and often arguments can break out.  There may be times where we have felt our spouse never noticed us that much, not the extra hugs, kisses or 'how was your day', but it doesn't mean they don't love you.  To say I love you often is to me like water running off a duck's back.  It's every so often when your spouse's eyes are tender looking and they tell you they love that those words really mean something.  Then, there are some men who just can't express themselves and may do something small to show they do love you.  I call it the 'old slipper syndrome' where two people get so use to each other they practically can finish each other's sentences.  Also life is fast pace, financial problems can come out of nowhere, not getting along with certain members of each other's family, etc.  If two people didn't have at least a tiny light of love in their heart for each other they wouldn't be together.  Don't blame yourself and since you are grieving then there must have been a hint of love.  Otherwise you would feel free and get on with your life.  

 

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