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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones 3 hours ago. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

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Comment by Mary. Jane on September 21, 2018 at 9:42am

I never seem to have trouble posting any length ..but I post from an IPad. Horrifically, Ipads don’tnhave anything like WORD...so I am unable to compose a letter on this thing, so I have to go to my old computer if I want to write a letter..but here I can post as long as I want..LOL which I guess Y’all know. I DO know that regardless of which post I might b replying to, on this site, we have to post “in a row” even tho we might be responding to someone’s post on page 3...I almost gave up posting when I first arrived here..I just DIDN,t get it. And, no, I did NOT buy an IPad cuz I had extra $$$$$ to,spend...this Ipad was actually a GIFT from my daughters BOSS, so my daughter and Bob could FACETIME each other while he was in hospice. I have never received such a generous gift. The woman who gave it to me, had used an IPad to keep in touch with HER father who was in a cancer facility, to communicate with her dad across the miles, and was kind enough to mail me this Ipad so my daughter, Melinda could talk to her dad. Sadly and ironically, I had no idea how this thing worked the afternoon I received it...so Melinda was going to walk us thru how to use it the evening  after it came in the mail. Unfortunately, BOb died the very next morning.less than 12 hours after recieving this wonderful instrument of communication, and they never got to “SEE” each other again.

Comment by Steve on September 20, 2018 at 5:44pm

I always write mine in Word, then copy and paste into the comment box.  If I get a message telling me it exceeds the limit, then I will copy half and post then post the other half right after that one...labeling them as part one and part 2 respectively.

Comment by Jeanette McSherry on September 20, 2018 at 4:12pm

I cannot get the hang of this. It always tells me I am writing too much. Yet the comments I see are much longer. I am not sure where to write.

Comment by Sara Murphy on September 14, 2018 at 8:38pm

Chuck...You and Steve certainly have you hands full with what seem like almost daily appts.   I'm so grateful for Steve's positive prognosis but so sad that you both have to deal with this again.  I can almost feel the terror that you must feel but I want you to take a breath.  With Larry and Mark watching over you both, you got this. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on September 14, 2018 at 8:28pm

Susan.....What a surprise to find out you live so close.  We could definitely meet sometime.   I work in Wilmington so many of my co-workers live in Lawrence, Andover and North Andover.  In fact, 3 of my staff were evacuated although thankfully their homes were spared.

Comment by Susan on September 14, 2018 at 3:56pm

I agree with you Mary Jane. My husband's oncologist knew that the second chemo my husband got only had a 10% chance of extending his life only 6 months. But he encouraged my husband to try it. It was that chemo that gave him a fatal lung injury, cutting off the 4 or so months he would have had left had he not tried it. He was just another number to them while filling their pockets. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 14, 2018 at 11:51am

Why would a drug that causes cancer be approved? I think there is only one reason...they WANT cancer patients. I KNOW THAT IS TRUE. When Bob was seeing his Drs daily, I actually said to one, “they don,t want a cure for cancer.. it is a 3 billion dollar per year Proffit!”. His response was very surprising..he looked at me and EXCLAIMED “Yes we do!!”  But the way he said it, was very surprising..like a little kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It is not my imagination...corporations are making BILLIONS off of this horrible illness, and the people who are dying are dismissed as colateral damage. If it was heart disease, people die sooner,or instantly...but cancer can last a very long time...which makes huge profits for Big Pharma, chemical companies, the Cancer Society, and a multitude of other industries.  It is the perfect money making disease...no one dies instantly..it can return at anytime, and so many types of businesses are making billions...sure,there are some honest medical people out there, but CANCER IS AN INDUSTRY..

i don,t think it started out like this..when I was growing up, cancer was very rare...then it seems like it exploded, .ok, I will stop my rant now...

Comment by Susan on September 14, 2018 at 9:09am

Hi Sarah, I too live about 20 miles north of Boston and was glued to the tv last night. My son works in Lawrence and hadn't heard about the explosions until I texted him at 5pm. He thankfully left work immediately and made it home safely. His fiancee's parents live in Lawrence but not in the affected area. It was frightening.

To Steve, I am sorry about your cancer and it's relation to humira. I work for a rheumatologist and we have so many patients on these biologics. Far too many of them get cancer. It's a known side effect but I think it is downplayed in the prescribing process. Plus people just want to feel better so they agree to go on the drugs. I think the patient should be presented with some statistics before agreeing to go on the drugs. We have very few patients who turn down the drug. 

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 14, 2018 at 6:50am

Hello Family,

I have not finished writing the piece I started about my first summer with Larry. As Steve has been keeping you informed with his treatment plan and such, I know you will forgive me.

My own medical appointment are purely at a point of evaluation and getting a base line for my new doctors here in Texas. From those results they will become familiar with my current condition from which they can monitor any changes in my status. Looking at the calendar and seeing the weeks filled with doctors' names and steve's or my name written below them sometimes gives me pause. I knew this was a very real possibility should I live long enough, but when it becomes a reality in your world you can still be taken aback how insidiously health issues can overtake your days. The challenge is to keep them from ruling your life - my dear friends, I am most sincerely working on that one, but still can't always keep my thoughts from going to places I would rather not revisit.

I wish to add my prayers for everyone's safety if you are in any areas threatened by natural or man-made disasters. Sara, I too find myself musing in the wee small hours if this is the beginning of the end. Maybe it is just my own proclivity for the macabre, or some facet of my grief, but I sometimes think it wouldn't be such a bad thing if this was true. I suppose not having children or grandchildren to consider allows this morbid streak to persist, so please forgive my selfishness in saying so.

Be well, stay safe, and you are all in my thoughts and prayers daily. Thank you for being such a comfort and source of strength for us - God Bless You.

Love, Chuck 

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 13, 2018 at 10:50pm

Sara,,I had thatnthought too...that this might b the start of”the end of civilization as we know it. So many horrible things are happening with Nature,,.Califrnia is burning, storms are far more frequent than before...maybe this is just a test...to see if the human race can “step up” and help others in need...but what can we do? Today, AM VETS called me for a donation pickup..and they had an “ad on speech...for non perishable foods, blankets, bottles for babies and baby and children’s clothes..which I don,t have..and I just gave all my non perishable food to the girl scouts...but I have purged my clothes, and have two contractor plastic bags full of them...I also have Tons of Barbie dolls, and some boys toys, which I was going to try to sell...but they t being given away on Tuesday.

by then I hope to purge my “doll room” which is full of 

dolls in boxes...and keeping this stuff is just weighing me down. I am also tossing in prescription glasses..about 10 pairs, hopefully they can use them..they belonged to both Bob and me,  and I also have a C-pap machine and all the accessories. That I want to donate, but don,t know where. Online they seem to only want newer machines..what a waste...I am rambling now..I am really tired and unfocused...and depressed...and here I am whining again, when I should b greatfull for all I have. Bye for now. 

 

 

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