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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Comment by Steve on September 13, 2018 at 8:12am

Marsha,

Thank you, my anger with the Pharmacy Industry as a whole is boiling at best.  I read everything now, I question everything and then I spend hours online looking and reading.  

After meeting with the radiologist yesterday, I feel more positive about my recovery and to finally rid myself of this cancer.  I trusted the urologist in South Florida, maybe too much.  Mark did not and had his doubts about the whole thing.  I am sure he has been guiding me along these past few weeks.  I was so angry with myself for tossing out so much paper work when I moved from our apartment and then throwing out more when I moved to NJ.  All the time in the back of my mind was a voice "are you sure" each time I thinned out the mounds of papers...

Until last night I could not remember any of the doctor's names from 2009 or even the name of the hospital where the surgery took place.  Driving home last night the name of mine and Mark's primary care doctor "popped into my head".  Getting home and working from that one name, took me to finding the name of the urologist...I remembered that his name only had 3 letters...so that narrowed down the search to one, after I googled his practice and saw the aerial view, bingo, my memories lit up like a light bulb.  Finding the hospital was just as easy.  All of them are still there with the addresses, phone numbers, etc...

So my search was not in vain and today I can give all this information to my doctor here and they can request all my records faster than patients.  Thanks to Mark and the many other angels around me...I am going to be fine and I am going to beat this/

Thank you one and all on this site, my family, my angels,

Steve

Comment by Steve on September 13, 2018 at 7:51am

Mary Jane,

After talking to the Radiologist yesterday, he suggested that any "fun trips" be postponed until after the new year, and perhaps not until sometime in February.  My treatments were extended from 6 to 8 weeks, plus he wants me to have a MRI completed over the next week or so.  I spent hours on the internet last night looking up my primary doctor in Plantation, Florida, the urologist and the hospital that did the initial surgery in 2009.

He needs all of my records to assist the mapping out of where to aim the beam...for lack of a better explanation of the procedure.  He was shocked to learn that I did not have follow up radiation treatments after surgery.  He explained to me and Chuck in great and graphic details the procedure and what is left behind that cannot be removed, hence, radiation treatments to finish off the cancer.  This could very well be something that has been there all along.  His best guess from asking questions that my original cancer probably started in the mid 1990's and went undetected until 2008.  

The radiation treatments will most likely leave me tired with little or not side effects, that plus having to travel 27 miles each way to and from the center will be tiring enough.

As much as I would like to plan a trip away from all of this I will be held captive in the Dallas area until we can rid myself of this creepy disease.  

I and Chuck were extremely pleased and our moods were uplifted by this doctor...he told us both that the treatments kill good and bad cells, however, cancer cells cannot and will not repair, unlike the good cells.

So for now my dear sister, our fun plans on meeting face to face will be on hold until after January.

hugs

Steve

Comment by Sara Murphy on September 9, 2018 at 9:23pm

Steve....I'm so sorry about your diagnosis but glad it was caught in the early stages.  A little heavenly intervention I believe.  I wish I could be there with you and Chuck for moral support.  Since I can't be there physically, please know that I am truly thinking about you both and praying for you.  You're a warrior so you'll kick this C in the A!

Sending my love.

Sara

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 9, 2018 at 9:03pm

I think it would b the coolest thing ever to meet you and Chuck..I am not leaving for MONTHS...my daughter is coming to start packing stuff I am keeping, and the rest of the stuff I am donating...in October. Then I have to seriously look for a place to live in CA...in November..if I don.t find something, I am not moving till I do. This will be my final residence, so it has to be perfect..if I do find something in November,I have to come back and list this house..but hopefully I will b ready to move when/if I find something...so I will b outa here in December, or January. Maybe

i know it will just happen...when everything is right. So maybe we should really think about meeting soon. I have to ponder the logistics more...lol I am ready to call it a night. 

Comment by Marsha H on September 9, 2018 at 4:08pm

Dearest brother Steve ...  I am so proud of you for fighting back re the 'C' and thankfully it was caught in time.  I get so very angry about the medications that they can give patients when the doctors know full well they have horrific side affects and cause more problems than the patient already has.  Humira  is all over the TV and the Attorneys are jumping on it asking patients who have taken it to sue.  It's up to the individual of course if they want to do so.  Your primary doctor knew full well the side effects and that it was highly possible it could bring back cancer.  I did send you that link.  May I suggest before you ever take any medication you Google it.  I use to do that for my Ernie.  He had a small heart issue (blood pooling at the bottom of his hard in the chamber) and his heart specialist gave him a medication, but Ernie refused to take it until I researched it and thank God he did.  This particular medication was only to be give to anyone who had a heartache!  Thankfully there was also another heart specialist who landed on Ernie's heart specialist like a Sumo Wrestler and so we went with him without anymore issues.

I am so very proud of you Steve and I knew you were a fighter and yes, you are going to beat this!  My prayers and thoughts are always with you and Chuck.  Rest my friend and keep coming to Legacy so we can surround you with love and hope.

Much Love,

Your sis Marsha 

Comment by Steve on September 9, 2018 at 2:39pm

Thank you Deb, I know you would...I am comforted oddly each day when I can calm down my mind focusing on the negatives.  These calming moments are from all of you on this site and from my friends and "family" here in Dallas.  My cousins and my one Aunt and Uncle that I have stayed close too are also rooting me onto success.  

Mary Jane...you made me smile today...you are such a dear soul, thank you.

And yes it was the Humira that brought this to be, now, having said that...I am glad that it did now while it is so treatable.  Some one up there is looking out for me and all of us down here as we muddle through our days.

Please let me and Chuck know of your impending move date...we really would like to meet with you and have lunch or dinner on us anywhere you choose.  You can invite anyone you wish to join us in your celebration of moving.

Love and hugs,

Steve

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 9, 2018 at 12:14pm

P.S  I think I meant Humira..not Humana..sorry. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 9, 2018 at 12:13pm

Dear Steve.  Your original post was like a blow to my head.i kinda use u guys as a barometer for positivity. You got thru so much, but you made it. When u offered to take me for my colonoscopy I was overwhelmed...I told people that, and I was met with suspicion, which I can understand..but I know it was genuine. 

I hope this thing u have is as “light” as you describe...because having either of you die is unthinkable. I too, am 71....I will b 72 this month. When I first came here, I DIDN,t care if I lived or died. I just DIDN,t see any reason to live but NOW after these 2 1/2 years, I don,t want to Die. I find myself looking forward to relocating...and I am actually cleaning out THINGS now. (I am just venting here..sorry) When I thought I might have cancer, I had already made up my mind to not get treatment...to have only palative care. I DIDN,t want to spend my last days or months going to the Cancer Center every day, which is what BOb did, just to die anyway. I had promised myself since there were no guarantees, I was going to spend the first few months doing stuff..like a cruise, or traveling somewhere, until I couldn,t. BOb was actually ok with his diagnosis...as he had known his entire life he was going to get cancer. (That a entirely separate story for another time)

So was it the Humana that caused this? That drug is advertised all day long on TV..for a litterny of things...why are they still giving it to people? BAD DRUG, BAD! ( if I loose my sense of humor I will go crazy).

I tried to ask God why these bad things happen to good people...I wondered why Charles Manson never got cancer? I think that fact adds to my belief that it is caused by something around us..and he was incarcerated all those years, with no contact to the outside pollutants we face every day.        I also believe in Karma..but I am REALLY rambling here..sorry. So I am going to stop before I babble my way into a coma...my heart is with you, Steve. 

Comment by deborah peck on September 9, 2018 at 11:52am

Steve, I saw your post yesterday but had to give myself time to think. I too am amazed that drug companys get away with handing out meds with such bad risk, its like you trade one evil for another. I know you will get thru this as you have an angel in heaven to help you plus one on earth.God throws many obstacles in our life and you have been thru. . many so you know how to think positive and give the "C" word a run for its money and I know you will win. please let me know if I can help in any way at all I will do whatever I can, Deb

Comment by Steve on September 9, 2018 at 7:34am

Thank you Mary Jane...

Yesterday was just that yesterday.  I hesitated to post because I was feeling a little sorry for myself.  Yesterday was when all of the feelings you just described welled up inside and I was depressed beyond description.  Today is a new day.  I am no longer in yesterday, I can choose to pick up the routine of my daily life and add new routines that will be prescribed to me by my medical angels...that is how I am seeing them, especially my primary care physician Courtney R.  She was there on the phone with me the night before Mark passed.  She was there holding me and crying along with me in her office as we both missed him so much, you see she had no problem with us being a gay couple, she treated us both.  She is the one that ran a routine blood test after I told her what the rheumatologist doctor had prescribed for me.  So, she is the one that caught this ugly thing invading me.  Please do not work yourself up over this, I have many Angels around me.  I maybe 71, but it ain't over yet.  I can and will do what is necessary to beat it.  Of this I am quite positive about.  And yes, I will have good days and bad days.  I am going to stay busy and focus on all the good days ahead.  I guess that in one sense I am adding grief onto grief, which is why I still come to my family here on Legacy.  You are such a dear and giving person, thank you my sister and be well, I am going to be just fine.

All my love and hugs

Steve 

 

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