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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: on Friday

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 99 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Jeanette McSherry Aug 31. 6 Replies

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Comment by Diane C on Friday

That was beautiful Steve. Thank you!

Comment by Steve on Thursday

If you want to help a person in grief, accept you can’t just remove their heartache By even trying to ease someone’s pain, you are telling them you believe it to be fixable. Loss is never fixable. Grief is never erasable. So simply walk with them as their hearts begin heal, and show them patience kindness and loving acceptance.


Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 9, 2018 at 9:34pm

Deb......Yes, I too think the second year is hard.  For me, I feel like it's withdrawals...Ken has been gone long enough and I just need him back now.  It could be that the first year is a blur. 

Comment by Sheri Dettman on October 8, 2018 at 10:52am

Deborah, I agree about the 2nd year. The first year you are just reacting. My fog hasn't completely lifted but I do feel more clear. It doesn't make it any easier. I recently joined a couple of online groups that have a lot of members that I'm finding helpful. I'm posting the names of them on my website, stronglikebull.love. I'll put them on my facebook page as well.

Comment by deborah peck on October 8, 2018 at 10:07am

Does anyone else think the 2nd year is worse than the first in someways? I don't know if its because the fog has finally lifted or the reality has kicked in but it seems harder to me

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 7, 2018 at 9:31pm

Deb.....It really would be wonderful if people would just do those things.  Unfortunately most people think saying "call me if you need anything" is sufficient and they only really mean it for the first few months after the loss.   Although  I don't want any of my family/friends to go through this grief, I'll know better how to be there for them when it does happen.

Comment by deborah peck on October 5, 2018 at 11:46am

no one has ever done that for me but I have done it for others, giving is a powerful healer

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 5, 2018 at 10:30am

Well said, Deborah. I would have never thought of that, since I don,t drive. Did someone do that for you? That is a wonderful thing. 

I have just learned, a group have friends I used to work with, have rallied around another former co-worker/friend who is dying from throat cancer...on a visit to the sick woman, they noticed there wa so much to do..laundry, cleaning etc..that the sick person hadn,t been able to manage..so they got together and completely cleaned,did laundry,  and fixed pre prepared meals..etc. what a wonderful thing..she had been too proud to ask for help. She is only in her 30,s...never smoked a day in her life...and is now in the hospital...

if I knew how to drive, my entire life would be/have been different. I have so much time..I just can,t get to places. That is a wonderful idea, Deb...and, in my future home, I will be living within walking distance of people...I will make it a point to help whenever I can, instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I have been the recipient of such wonderful help from others, getting me to places..etc...I welcome a chance to,pay it forward.

Comment by deborah peck on October 5, 2018 at 10:18am

dear Marsha, I think your friend doesn't contact you because she sees her husbands own mortality when she talks to you and that is hard.I know how it feels to lose people after your husband passes but its been from me, I chose not to return calls and invites and now no one contacts me because they are probably tired of being turned down and I don't blame them. A few of them just cant handle me not being my cheery self anymore and they too are gone, its all very sad as all we need is time. You sound like you are very much a people person so as hard as it is let your friend do her own thing and contact your friends who are there for you and maybe eventually this friend will contact you

Comment by deborah peck on October 5, 2018 at 10:09am

I think it would be great for people to just act when someone passes, by that I mean show up months later to clean your house, just sit and have coffee, fix a meal, its random acts of kindness that we need not being told how sorry they are, we need comfort and sometimes words aren't enough

 

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