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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 99 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on October 24, 2018 at 10:24am

I too, think of this site and all of you wonderful0people several times daily. When ever I hear omeoje has lost their partner, I write down this site and refer them. I don,t think any of my referrals have been utilized..as we don,t seem to have any new people here..I try so hard to convey how wonderful this place is, and the people on it  who have basically saved my life...and how coming here, and even just READING posts would b so therapudic..but my referrals are usually to third party people who probably toss the paper out, or dismiss it as something they don,t want to get involved in..

Sara..My laughter wasn,t meant to b cruel..I thought it was awesome that in the midst of your pain, you could quip..about the Red Socks, and I thought that was wonderful. It made me laugh out loud, which is a good thing. 

Steve I think about you several times a day..positively..that u will b ok. I refuse to even entertain the THOUGHT you won,t.

Marsha..you are so cute...when u aren,t here, something is missing. 

Comment by Steve on October 24, 2018 at 9:38am

In honor of Ken's Birthday,  go Red Sox...take care Sara, I know how we all tend to wonder about special dates and occasions.  They just tend to drive home how much we miss them in our lives.  All of us quietly go from day to day, tending to ourselves as family and friends wander in and out of our lives, having no clue how much we ache inside.

We do have each other on this site, all of us are with you,

sending you hugs and positive thoughts today as well.  Thank you to everyone on this site, I think of each one of you daily.

Steve

Comment by Trina Mamoon on October 24, 2018 at 4:10am

Dear Sara,

Thinking of you as you celebrated Ken's life today. I know, the wondering, what we would be doing today...

Take care of yourself and be well.

Love and hugs, Trina

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 23, 2018 at 8:59pm

Hahahahaha....good one! 

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 23, 2018 at 7:18pm

Today is Ken's birthday.  He should be 55.   I don't think I'll ever really be okay or heal beyond where I am today.  I'll always wonder what we would be doing if he were here.  On a lighter note, maybe as a birthday present to himself (and me), he can guide my Red Sox to a World Series win.

Comment by Marsha H on October 22, 2018 at 6:17am

Hi gals ...  I apologize for not answering your emails to the post I left.  I have gotten nothing from Legacy on my 'in box' so was shocked to see how many more posts are here.

Thanks Mary Jane for understanding rants are very normal.  Deborah, you made a fine point, but this friend of mine helped me somewhat when Ernie was ill and I would love to do the same for her.  Friends should be friends and lean on each other.  

The anger issue Mary Jane mentioned, that came to me in my 3rd year.  New roof, pipes busted under the house, some rotten spots on the outside of the house; house needed painting and on and on I could go.  I was so angry at Ernie for leaving all this for so long and it landed on me like a Sumo Wrestler when I could ill afford it.  I had a mixture of love and anger towards him off and on and I do believe that's pretty normal.  They didn't want to die and I suppose as someone said here that we have to blame someone. 

Steve basically said it all that we have to forgive ourselves as well. 

Again so sorry for not answering your post and beginning to feel like a ghost with the life I'm leading and now not even getting posts in my 'in box.'  LOL

Hope things are better for all of you.

Hugs

Marsha  

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 21, 2018 at 9:35pm

Steve.....I'm glad to hear you've been feeling ok while going through your radiation treatments.  I'm going to continue sending positive thoughts your way. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 21, 2018 at 9:31pm

Mary Jane.....Yes, anger is one of the stages of grief.  I myself haven't felt anger towards Ken but I do feel it towards the people here who say stupid things.   I am however currently dealing with the same type of stress you have with your move.  For me, there's some big projects around the house that Ken was supposed to be here to oversee but now it's fallen all on me.  First, I need to have a dead tree removed from my front yard which is the smaller of the projects.  The big one is having a new roof put on the house.  Ken and I had talked about needing to do this a few years ago but his health got worse and now here I am having to deal with it alone.  I did ask Ken's brother to come by and take a look at the quotes which he'll do this week so that's eased my stress level a little bit. 

I do hope you feel better after releasing some of your anger. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 21, 2018 at 11:36am

THankyou, Steve and Deb.

Comment by deborah peck on October 19, 2018 at 11:05am

I think anger is a part of grieving, I have done it with both my husbands but with Greg more so as to me he cased his own death by continuing to smoke after having had a triple bypass that docs didn't think he would survive to having mini strokes and being told his smoking had caused it all. I yell at him once in a while and tell him he promised not to make me go thru this again but yet here we are, I think part of it is we need to blame someone. 

 

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