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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1370
Latest Conversations: 56 minutes ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele 12 hours ago. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2018 at 3:54pm

Dear Mary Jane ...

I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty.  My one dog has anal gland problems and almost monthly I have to have them expressed.  It's not that common in cats to have anal gland problems, but some can.  Once expressed your kitty should be fine.  I know how frustrating it is for you to find someone to take you to the vets, but smart girl taking your kitty in now.  Isn't it always the way with children and pets they have something wrong on a weekend or long weekend.  

I hope all goes well and you have as good a Christmas as you can.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2018 at 3:50pm

Dear Chuck ...  I do understand how you must feel, but the best gift you've gotten for Christmas is Steve being healthy once again and I know 2019 will be a good year for you.  That being said I know all of us will be thinking of our deceased loved ones, but I smile knowing Ernie is right here with me.

I hope you got my ecard because I don't have your address.  Both of you are in my prayers and thought of often.

Much love

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2018 at 3:48pm

An early MERRY CHRISTMAS to all my angels.  I know it's difficult for most of us to go through this season as the holidays can be melancholy at the best of times.  Remember, our beloved spouses will be near and want us to remember them, but to try and smile and be at peace as well.  

May 2019 be a much better year for all of you.

Much Love

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 24, 2018 at 5:51am

It is 5:30 am..I just got up for a bit to let my kitty into the garage to hopefully poop..u see, yesterday I had to take him to an emergency vet for an anal gland problem which hopefully stopped further infections...so since I am kinda waiting for him...I looked here,.and found posts. I will b back up  in a few hours ..but was delighted to find all yr posts...it is very cold here, andmy arthritus is very very bad...I will post more in a few hours, but it is so good to hear from all of u...bye for now...Christmas eve,,,God I hate this holiday..but next year it will b different. I don,t seem to b in as much pain in California as here in Oklahoma..was able to function a few weeks ago when I was there...ok I am rambling...going back to bed..it was a very stressful few days having my kitty sick..but he has been up all night playing as I tried to sleep..so talk to u all later. 

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on December 24, 2018 at 3:50am

Hello everyone,

Well, it's officially Christmas Eve, 3:30 AM, and I am still awake and edgy. Maybe it's the full moon (always has had an effect on my sleep habits) or "holiday blues". Mostly, I think it's memories - isn't that what gets us all in the end - every decoration/movie/song evokes fond memories of our days with our loved ones departed from us. For us I believe the expectation to be happy or excited about Christmas or Hanukkah just makes it harder to muster even a fake smile.

Last week Steve and I attended a Christmas party at a beautifully decorated home of friends. Although I enjoyed being there with my now healthy Steve and talked with several people, in the background was this lurking memory of the last Christmas party I attended with Larry in 2014.

His friends in the antique business had just learned of his terminal diagnosis, and they pulled together the most amazing and elegant party for everyone in the area associated with antiques - shop owners, dealers, dabblers - and insisted we be there. Believe me, I was not up for a "party", but the hostess told Larry to let me know I was coming if she had to come drag me there!!!

After Larry passed in April of 2015, I learned from the hostess that the entire party was for Larry - so he could see friends and mostly so they could see him and say goodbye in their hearts. That these wonderful people loved him so much that they made all these arrangements in less than a week still brings tears to my eyes.

Anyway, I want to wish you all Merry Christmas with some peace and warm memories to help us into the New Year...
Love, Chuck

Comment by Sara Murphy on December 23, 2018 at 9:35pm

Hi everyone....I've been so busy with work the past couple weeks I haven't been able to post.  Glad to hear from Marsha.....I too was getting worried.

Mary Jane....I'm sorry you're struggling with your impending move.  I can only imagine what a weight it must be to leave the home you shared with Bob.  I hope I never have to do this myself. 

This is now my third Christmas without Ken and it's seems to be the worst.  I have absolutely no interest.  Ken and I had long since been fed up with the commercialism of Christmas.  Now without him I feel like I have all the stress and aggravation of running around looking for gifts but none of the enjoyment of spending time with him. 

Steve....I'm so happy you've had your last treatment and are on your way to restored health.

Todd.....I saw that you posted a week or so ago.  So nice to hear from you again.  I had been thinking about you and others that haven't posted lately so it was nice of you to check in.  Please let us know how you're doing.

I wish you all a peaceful Christmas or Hanukkah.

Love, Sara

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 23, 2018 at 12:16pm

Steve, I wiash you and Chuck  lived next door to me. 

Comment by Steve G. on December 23, 2018 at 8:56am

My dear Mary Jane,

The holidays are hardest for all of us.  For me it starts each week before Thanksgiving.  Mark had had several bad days that November of 2014.  The week before Thanksgiving, he asked if we could have our Thanksgiving dinner early.  He was feeling better and wanted Turkey and all the fixens early.  So that is what we did, he was so happy.  He ate turkey sandwichs every day.  Thanksgiving came and went and I could see him getting more and more depressed and spending most of his days in bed.

He suffered a few of his seizures and each one left him more exhausted.  Thanksgiving was on the 27th, he passed 3 days later.  Christmas came and I had to move out of our Apt on Jan 4th...a pre arranged agreement with management we made in October so they could remodel our apt.  We agreed to take the one on the first floor just beneth ours.  I managed with help from friends from work.

One week later I went home to my family in Florida, came back to Texas just in time for his birthday, Jan 19th and back to work.  

I believe Mark knew and wanted to pass on, he was ready, I was not.  February came and I found this site.  I posted my grief and read the responses.  The weight of it all lessoned, I began to heal, while not ever realalizing it.

Keep posting Mary Jane, it helps, even when it appears quiet.  There is not a day that does not pass without me thinki g about all of us and especially about our dearly departed.  We all keep moving forward together.

Love and hugs dear sister.

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 23, 2018 at 8:09am

I hope this lack of people here means everyone is having good days, or too unglued to post here. I am the latter. I have been going thru 50 years of photo,albums. I have two more albums left, then I tackle the loose photos. 

Weirdly, my cat has developed an infection...he used to get anal gland infections, but hasn,t had one in EXACTLY one year! So I am taking him to the vet this morning (Sunday). It is the only day I can get a ride, or they will be open. This isn,t even my regular vet,.they r closed. He isn,t too bad...ordinarily I wouldn,t take him..but I know if I don,t he will get bad and I will have no way to get him medical attention. My niece is driving 40 minutes to take me..and they said it would b an hour wait. 

i have the weirdest feeling that he developed this by “feeding off my stress”, which is at an all time high. I know dogs do this...but a kitty?  

No wishes for y’all yet..I will b posting all day tomorrow...lol.

Comment by deborah peck on December 20, 2018 at 11:28am

Mary Jane, no it isn't you, I watch the Christmas movies but they don't make me happy like before, its a hard time of year. I fell a couple of weeks ago and sprained my knee, not getting better so they are going to do an MRI, and then I had a sore on my other leg, next to my shin bone and turned out to be skin cancer again so had surgery 2 days ago and now am in  a cast from my toes to my knee, third surgery sent Greg assed away, think my body doesn't care anymore. I am telling everyone that I am excited for Christmas this year but in reality Im dreading it. I pray that one day we will all enjoy our lives again, its been 18 months for  me so I figure will be awhile. but love to all of you

 

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