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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on February 5, 2019 at 11:02pm

Thank you, Sara..yes, this one was different...sometimes I forget that she is grieving too. She is our only child, was her dads “little princess”..and yet, after he died, she seemed put her emotions on hold...for over 2 years... Maybe she thought she had to be strong for me, and I worried about it and it wasn,t until this December, after her boss died instantly..he was only 58...that she finally started talking about how it has affected her. I tried to get her to come here, and join the group for loss of a parent..but she refused.

I think spending 10 days here in January, sorting through the pictures of her childhood, finally broke through to her...realizing her dad was really gone...and being TERRIFIED the same fate could happen to her mom, me..compelled her to,write that song. Each of us grieves in our own way...and in our own timeframe..and she has been so very patient with me. So I am trying to step t up for her..but tossing out what was once my/ our former life, disposing of Bobs belongings, is, in a sense, almost worse than when he died. 

I am having a terrible time moving forward...but I need to step it up, as my biggest fear is finally moving back to CA and dying as soon as I get there. I know time is of the essence, and I still procrastinate. I am afraid of everything involved in relocating...so I do nothing, or what I do takes forever to complete the simplest of tasks. But as I look around, at my almost “staged” house, I am beginning to Realize, this might be fun. It just happens to be the very worse time of the year...not a good market for either buyers or sellers. But I KNOW whenthe  universe is ready, I will be too.i HAVE to focus on that...otherwise all I want to do is just sleep, and pretend it isn,t really happening.

Comment by Sara Murphy on February 5, 2019 at 9:33pm

Mary Jane.....I listened to your daughter's song.  It was actually quite catchy and yes, I could relate.

Comment by DJ on February 5, 2019 at 9:33pm

Sara; I've sent a message to Steve asking that very question.  This isn't the first time that account has spammed us and other groups as well.

Comment by Sara Murphy on February 5, 2019 at 9:25pm

How do we get Brianna's access to our group revoked? 

Comment by Brianna Owen on February 5, 2019 at 5:09pm
This year 2019 has been so blissful to me for God has given me a reason to live happily again after been heart broken for 3 months when my husband neglected me and went back to he's mistress. I suffered and went through all types of emotional tortures for i couldn't get any help to get my man back not until i was refereed to Lord Zakuza by my co-worker who gave me her full assurance about him that he can be of help to me. I got in touch with Lord Zakuza and i hearken to his words and followed the instructions given to me by him. Could you believe that my husband got back home within 12 to 16 hours as said by him and today, my marriage is restored & i'm so thankful, appreciative & grateful to God for using Lord Zakuza to get my man back after 3 months of broken marriage. Is there anyone out there who needs to get back to he's or her lover back or needs any help of any kind? Then, i suggest that you get in touch with Lord Zakuza now through Email ID: doctorzakuzaspelltemple@hotmail.com or WhatsApp him on + 1 (740) 573–9483 for more information. God bless you sir.
Comment by Diane C on February 5, 2019 at 11:29am

Thank you Marsha, MaryJane and Steve. I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my e-mail. I thank you each for your individual stories about your moms too. I know we all have a different story to tell and I appreciate hearing them as well. Hugs to you!!! Thank you!

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 1, 2019 at 9:12pm

I am so sorry to hijack y,all...but my daughter wrote another song a few days ago...which is unlike any song she has ever written. 

It is like she reached into my heart, and pulled out all the feelings of loss, and grief, and change..and FEAR...as Dec 2, her boss of 18 years, the CEO of the company, and a second father to her, died. Then we spent 10 days together, going thru all our old photographs, memories that were so painfull, and the fear we are both sharing of me having to dispose of most of Bobs belongings, and relocate to my home state, sell this house, and try to find another one.

So, she wrote a song about it, and how our worlds have changed and how scary it is. I know I have posted a song of hers b4..but this one is different, and I think folks here can really relate to it.

https://soundcloud.com/melindamccombs/far-away-places/s-rjWtF

All the vocals are her, background voices, everything. She is playing the piano. I hope this link works. She has never written any song like this..her others all kinda sound the same..but this one is from her heart. Thanks for letting me hijack...

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 1, 2019 at 9:00pm
Comment by Steve on February 1, 2019 at 7:48am

So sorry to hear about your mom Diane,

Loosing any family or friends these days is an awful reminder of our own grief.  

My memories about my grandmother always enter my day, especially when I see her photo as I pass by it.  She and my grandfather raised me and my sister.  Our mother passed away when I was 5 months old and my sister was 4 years old.

A lot more to that story, but grandmother was my mom, she was 69 when she passed and I was 24.  So many years ago and it still seems like yesterday.

Hugs to you Diane, take care of yourself and remember that all of us are here for you.

Comment by Mary. Jane on January 31, 2019 at 10:56pm

Oh, Diane, I am so sorry. I am sorry for you, too, Marsha..losing a mother you loved dearly must be so difficult, especially when they have been in a nursing home, and they aren,t who they once were.My mom died in a nursing home, but I wasn,t there..my brother lived minutes from the home, and he was there..but I was two hours away...I had visited a few weeks before, but she had no idea who I was..and I guess you all can tell, we weren’t close at all. It was my brother she loved...and wanted to be near...and when she died, it was a mixture of relief because her memory wan,t there, and regret for what I never had with her. I know that sounds cold and callous, but that is just the way it was. 

Ironically, I have carried an anger for what I wanted so badly my entire life...my mothers love...but a few weeks ago, Melinda and I were sorting through old pictures...and showing her pics of grandma, and saying “look..here’s another one of grandma..wasn,t she pretty? Etc, and I felt my heart start to unfreeze a bit...and I began to,soften...and think maybe it wasn,t all her fault...maybe it was me..I have carried this anger for 70 years...cuz I know she didn,t like me very much, and adored my brother, who is one of the most decent men I have ever met...and I could go on and on...but, Diane and Marsha...you are so blessed to have had a loving mother...which makes the pain of loosing them horrific.

By some miracle, I have a wonderful caring daughter, and we are very close...and I thank God every day for her. I am afraid to die for her sake, as she lost her dad, then her boss who was a father figure to her..and she is terrified I will die too. So am I. This is too many loved ones leaving this world in such a short time. 

Is anyone else her afraid of dying? I am not afraid to die...I just want ten more good years, and don’t want to die violently.

 

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