Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7, 2022. 6 Replies


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on May 9, 2019 at 8:14am

Has been a bad week here, what with Gregs birthday and the anniversary date on Sunday I am also watching the river rise a field away from my home, it is coming in on the side and back of my small subdivision. they have closed part of the road I live on, ughh, I have cleared out Gregs pond just in case but its all so stressful, too much at once. my shoulders hurt all the time from being so tense so send prayers this doesn't flood us out. The good news is today is the last of the rain for awhile so maybe it will go down soon. I live about 5 miles from the river so didn't expect this. love you all

Comment by Marsha H on May 8, 2019 at 3:45am

Dear Deb ....  It is always so good to hear from you and when there is a problem with any of us you are right there with your heart on your sleeve.

Booker is getting a little better each day as I am, but there is still that hole in our home.  On walks he does enjoy it to an extent, but can tell he isn't the same without his Tootsie.  It all takes time.  I don't think we will ever forget any of our pets we've had as they have enriched our lives in countless ways.  I can well imagine everyone on the island loved Moon and to bad Ginger just wanted to stay home.

I realize how difficult it was for you to pack up the clothes of your partner, but I did what you did after Ernie passed away and gave them to a charity.  I will admit I did keep a couple of things of Ernie's I couldn't part with.  How wonderful of you to want to volunteer and I know you will be such an asset there and no doubt your application will be accepted.  Please keep me informed.

I have run into a problem with shelters.  The applications are very long so I've read and they even want to know how much you make a year (I believe that is against the Privacy Act); what does the person figure how much money they will have to spend on the dog at the vets (how is one to know?)  On and on it goes. I am about ready to start going to shelters and if I run into this problem they are going to have a fight on their hands.  I don't mind some questions, but a letter from your vet, letting someone inspect your home, etc., I don't mind one bit.  It use to be that way.  I have read so many reviews of people complaining they want to adopt a dog, but many shelters make it next to impossible yet the same shelters are complaining of the overload of pets at their shelter.  I will go to the media if this happens to me.  I will take a Senior dog that is healthy and an age range from 4 - 6 years.  I need a dog with some energy for Booker and I just want a dog around 17 - 20 lbs.  They need bathing and I wouldn't be able to lift a dog that weighed more.  Don't eat enough spinach.  LOL

My friend has gone through so much as two of her adult children are also fighting cancer and hopefully everything will work out well.  

Thank once again my friend and hope things are going well for you.

Love & big hugs back!


Comment by Deb on May 7, 2019 at 2:44pm

Dear Marsha, Thank you for your note. Hope you and Booker are adapting to your loss of Tootsie more every day. I'm sure he loves his walks and hope in time he will be his old self again. I know how difficult it is as I still miss my Moon and Ginger. Everyone on the island loved Moon as he was always with me out-n-about but few knew Ginger since she was happier to stay home. 

It was a hard job but I packed up clothes that had belonged to my partner and have them ready to take over to a thrift store. I heard about it from the food shelf near me that I've put in an application to volunteer at. It's nice because they give out vouchers to those in need to go to the thrift store to choose needed items. 

I agree that getting a dog from a shelter is wonderful and to make their life happy, healthy and most of all loved. 

So sorry to hear that your friend has also had a great loss — I'm sure you're a big help as she goes though this terrible passage.

Love and big hugs to you and all who are in this group.



Comment by Marsha H on May 6, 2019 at 3:53am

Oh Mary.Jane ...  You are such a character.  Of course I haven't forgotten you and no, you don't talk too much.  LOL  I just have had my hands full with helping out my girlfriend since her husband just passed and trying to keep as much of a regular routine for Booker and I since my Tootsie is gone.  I have emailed you my friend.  



Comment by Marsha H on May 6, 2019 at 3:51am

Trina ...  You are such a dear and always there when you are need with kind words, love and encouragement and I appreciate it so much.  I shouldn't complain as Tootsie was 16 and I had many years of happy memories with her.  She was more Ernie's dog than mine (later after he passed she became closer to me of course) so I like to think my dear little white angel is with her daddy running through a meadow of flowers young and healthy again.

I think of you often and hope you are well and feeling less grief.  I know Joseph is always around you as love never stops even after one passes away



Comment by Marsha H on May 6, 2019 at 3:47am

Dear Deb ...  I am so sorry to hear about Moon and Ginger and what a shock that is.  I can't begin to imagine.  I must admit I do fear that my little Booker will be next to go as he's 13, but acts like a pup and runs like the wind.  It's sad you can't have a pet and if you are thinking of moving I sure would.  I live in a small rancher on a fair sized piece of property (hard for me to keep up, but I'm staying as long as I can) and refuse to live in a condo or townhouse because of Strata Rules.  Thankfully things are changing here in lower mainland British Columbia where more condos and rental housing are allowing pets because people refuse to give up their pets so there was a slump with landlords not being able to rent out.  No reason any condo or rental home should be like this as there is a thing called a 'damage deposit.'  

I am not rushed to get another dog, but watching Booker to see how he fairs and I intend on getting a 3 - 4 year old little female as I feel it's saving a life getting one from a shelter.  As you know I volunteered at a shelter (lady was kicked out of there and so I now don't help her out adopting dogs out and miss it a lot) and I do know that the puppies and much younger dogs go first.  

I can understand Ginger grieving over Moon and I believe people and pets can pass away from a broken heart.

Booker and I are grieving together and I'm trying my best to keep as much of our regular routine as possible.  Early evening I took him up for a walk on the dyke which is a beautiful place and he seemed to enjoy it, yet he wasn't quite the same because Tootsie wasn't there.  It's just going to take time.  So sick of all grief and it seems to be coming right, left and center for me right now.  My friend passing away and right now helping her through the red tape.  

Thank you again my friend for the lovely post and thinking of me and I do appreciate it. 



Comment by Mary. Jane on May 5, 2019 at 9:05pm

I wanted to comment to  Steve, for his post about Bella. I don,t know if you ever told that story before...but I wanted to thank you for sharing what was both a terrible loss, but a MIRACLE as you watched Bella confirm without a doubt, at least to me...wagging her tail at Mark..when you couldn,t see him....that we DO go on and are together again with those we matter  what species. Love never dies...and we get to stay with our loved ones...although it was horrible to loose Bella, she left you with a gift that you have given to us, by sharing that moment with us. Thank you. I will never forget is the most wonderful story I have ever heard..and it gives me hope and faith that we DO go on, and we get to be with those we loved. 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 5, 2019 at 8:45pm

Dear Marsha,

I just read your heart rending post. I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear Tootsie. Your post expresses well the place she had in your life and in your heart.

Sending you much love at this time of hardship and heartbreak.

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 5, 2019 at 4:59pm

Marsha don,t worry about answering. Sometimes responding to something seems like such an I,possible task, and sometimes I cannot shut up.LOL.

These few weeks have been especially hard, as I am getting ready to list my house, and move back to CA..and I have been in SUCH a place of TERROR, yesterday when I got up from a 40 min nap..I couldn,t walk..I was hunched over.thru out my back....etc..most likely from major stress, but I know I will be ok.Rudy just woke up, so we r going to put his new playpen together.. couldn,t do it last night..thankfully I think it is just a muscle that popped out.....see, I am either not here, or ramble on and on. I wish I could just go to bed one night, and when I woke up, everything would be done, and I would b all settled in my new home. Bye for now my friend.

Comment by Deb on May 5, 2019 at 4:51pm

Dear Marsha, Thank you for your kind words, as well. I forgot to mention that after Dean's passing, I lost both my 14 year old dogs that I raised from about 8 weeks old, one by one. They were brother and sister — the male was Moon and the female was Ginger. They lived with me on the island where I live in the winter but now am spending more time in the states at my condo where pets aren't allowed. The association used to allow pets but that changed some years ago. Have been thinking to move but finding that to be a bit daunting, at the present time. 

Sorry for Booker that he is grieving for the loss of Tootsie, as well. My Ginger grieved when we lost Moon since they'd been bonded from birth. Saw that you mentioned that you're thinking of adopting another dog, (when you're ready), for Booker to have as his partner and think that's a great idea. I hope he is a comfort to you as you're going through the painful loss of your dear Tootsie.

Love, Deb





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