Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 1 hour ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21.
Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24.
Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22.
Mary Jane, I don't get on much anymore, sometimes it seems like a painful reminder, other times it makes me not feel alone. I just got back from a vacation up north to Canada and north and south Dakota, saw mount Rushmore and many wondeful things but couldn't wait to get home to my kids all are grown but being away from them was so hard, first vacation without them since Greg passed and I think I need them for that connection. Hope everyone is doing well, summer is nearing its end and the kids start here on the 12th, will be kinda glad to not be watching my grandson all day as he starts kindergarten this year but also will be lonely, I think I am never satisfied like most of us I wish for what I don't really want, does that make sense? but am happiest just chillin with family or friends. love to you all
Hi Mary Jane and everyone else in our Legacy family;
Monday of this week I found a blue jay feather in the front yard. I was adding height to two sprinkler heads and filling in the soil that had washed away on that side of the drive, there is was just sitting there right next to the sprinkler head,
I picked it up and immediately was taken back to the first blue jay feather I found one Sunday morning while walking thru an empty lot with my sweet Bella. Coffee and donuts in hand for Mark, me and Bella. This first feather was shinning as the sun was hitting it just right. Bella noticed it and sniffed it and then looked at me like "are you going to pick it up or not" look she often gave me on our walks. So I picked it up to show Mark, Bella and I often found interesting things along our walks and Mark always wanted to see them and then put them somewhere or use them in one of his projects.
It just so happens that it was spring of 2014, Mark passed on November 30th of that same year. He placed that feather on one of his little stuffed bears he collected. I had forgotten all about that feather until one day someone on legacy posted about finding feathers. Long story short, it was that feather that eventually connected me and Chuck together sort of. I and he exchanged emails privately and I told him this story in one of my emails. To this day we both find feathers when neither one of us are expecting to. We feed the birds in the back yard, I put up a small covered area over the patio for grilling, the two glass shelves on either side is where Chuck puts out his buffet for the birds.
We never find feathers in the back yard, but we do have a family of cardinals, blue jays and a lot of sparrows and gray doves. We have film on the windows that reflect the sun's rays in the afternoon, but even in the morning we can see our but the birds cannot see us.
Memories and dreams keep us all aware of what we are or have gone through and I think they continue to heal us,
Hugs and love to all,
from one of the "Nuts"
Hi Mary Jane
Yes it has been quiet here. I am glad you posted because I have been wondering how you are settling in to your new home. Steve and I are surviving the august heat for which Texas is known. I am NOT a fan of hot weather, so stay indoors. I sent you an email, but don't know if you received it. All things told, I guess I just am struggling finding joy after watching what has been happening around the country lately.
Hope you and your kitty are making some friends there and resting up after the whirlwind of packing and moving. It took me months after we finally found this house to "catch my breath". We think of you, and everyone here - maybe it sounds silly, but I miss you guys - you're like my family who I don't want to pester but at the same time feel neglected if I don't hear from you. So thank you for shaking the tree as it were - maybe some more "nuts" will fall out! (just kidding).
Hello to all. Ok, is it just me? Am I the only one who has posted in a week or more? Is everyone here ok? Is anyone still here?
I take a nap every afternoon..mostly I don,t dream, but today I had the strangest dream...it is kinda of detailed, but the short version, I dreamt of a couple, Sam and Gloria I haven,t seen in years, but are related to me by marriage., Sam, the husband died about 6 weeks ago. In my dream, they were creating a guest list for an event..they were young, like I had last seen them..Sam was laughing, joking, being so attentive to Gloria...smiling at me..Bob was with me, and had taken me to see them. When I woke up..I felt like I had been given a message to pass on to Gloria...to tell her that Sam was with her, and would always be. Yeah,I know...but It was SO STRONG...so I will contact her..and tell her...cuz I believe it really WAS a message from him. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Strangely, Sam who died, was vital, young and full of life, and Gloria was a bit faded and quieter. I don,t know if that means anything. But when I woke, I know I have to give Gloria that message.
Sadly, it was also one of those dreams, that when I awoke..for a minute, I forgot that Bob had died..and then I remembered he was really gone, and I felt such a deep loss all over again.
I can only speak as a HUGE extrovert..(no surprise here lol) and as one, we extroverts selfishly assume, incorrectly, that everyone is like us..and when we meet someone who is quiet and shy...we jump to the assumption that we aren,t liked by them...I know..that is ridiculous, so when I meet someone who is non talkative, etc..I announce that I hope “ I don,t offend, but I never shut up!” Somehow that seems to break the ice a bit...I actually have a very close friend who I realized after nearly 40 years, she didn,t talk a lot in social situations...when I called her on it..and admitted I had no idea she was uncomfortable with people she didn,t know..as she had always been friendly with me..she told me straight up that was because I just kept talking to her, and haven,t shut up for years! And, BTW, her husband died few years before Bob did...and he was a total extrovert.
My dear family ... Here is a good article for introverted people and it explains how you should handle it (feel comfortable in your own skin) but other helpful hints. I hope it helps as those who are grieving and introverted it's a tougher journey.
Deborah ... My husband Ernie was more introverted while I'm very extroverted and some of it rubbed off on him. It's OK to be an introvert if that is what makes you comfortable and no one should EVER judge you for that. That being said, I would suggest you try your best and look at those around you and choose someone you may think will converse with you. It's a start and you can still be introverted, but take the chance of talking to one or two people you are comfortable with. I know it's not easy and as extroverted as I am it's as if I'm Typhoid Mary. One thing on my side though is if I ask someone to go for coffee and they look at me as if I wanted to rip their tongue out. LOL I just smile and it seems to ease the idea of going and sometimes it works and other times not. I keep trying and here is a story for you:
Since it hasn't been easy to find new friends (women are the worst I must admit to get to know) I was helping out at the dog shelter and this lady came in to adopt a dog. It was surreal because she came directly to me and we talked like we'd known each other before. We exchanged phone numbers and emails. I am so use to being ignored and hurt and my attitude is, 'It could happen, don't hold your breath and move on.' Lo and behold she did phone me and we're meeting for lunch next Tuesday. In our conversation she admitted being introverted, but felt comfortable around me and as we laughed and talked we did have some things in common. So there is hope! Even if it's one friend that's all one needs. I do enjoy my own company, yet I do like being around others every so often.
I've be shocked to find though that now in widowhood how cruel old friends can be or even some family members that seem to disappear and reappear in my life. Because of it I have become extremely independent and not bending to their ways. The solace of it all is one day they unfortunately, will be where we are. Just do what you are comfortable with and you know we love ya on here!
All of us on this site have been the subject of well meaning friends and family " assessment" of a myriad of thing's we should do and how we should be living our lives. Bottom line, each one of us gets to choose what we can do or not do. Give yourself time to adjust, grief is the cruelest emotion I have had to deal with. Maybe because I am older, I have learned that it is ok to walk away from certain people and it is also ok to live my life as I see fit.
Here we are one family, here, we can vent as each one of us struggles getting thru one day at a time.
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