Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Sara Murphy on October 2, 2019 at 11:04am
Oh Chuck....thanks for the laugh. That was funny, I only wish I could have been there to see it all first hand.
I hope with all of these labs and check-ups, the result is all good
Tell "Ricky" I say hello

Love, Sara
Comment by Charles E. Nelson on October 1, 2019 at 10:01pm

Hello everybody

L'shanah tovah to our Jewish members!

I have been wanting to post for days, but Steve and I have spent the last week going from one doctor's office to another having labs and check-ups for Steve following his radiation treatments last year. Today it was him having a bone density scan.

Yesterday we returned to the rheumatologist's office so Steve could have lab work done after fasting - our visit last week we discovered that one of the elevators was being repaired, so our ride to the eighth floor included many stops with people waiting each time the doors opened to go up or down.

When we got in an empty elevator due to the early hour, just as the door was closing a FedEx delivery guy rushed toward us and Steve said "Push the hold button". I, with my usual brilliance, pushed the red emergency button which set off a call to nearby paramedics and rescue squads heard over the speaker. As we paused at every floor, more people got on hearing the voices of responders asking if anyone could reply and what was the emergency. With everybody looking at me I sheepishly admitted over the speaker that the call was a mistake and I was sorry for causing alarm- literally.

The voice said not to worry, it happens - and Steve just gave me a look that I have come to recognize well - a mix of amusement, pity, and general resignation - I call it my "Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do" look. Some of you will get that I'm sure.

Anyway, I just thought you all might get a kick out of that, knowing that even though I may not be of great help to Steve lifting and toting stuff for him, the comic relief I provide is priceless.

Marsha, Sara, Deborah, and everyone else - I want to write individual to you each and hope soon things will calm down enough to gather my thoughts - but not too much - I do have to keep in form, and am available for weddings and bar mitzvahs for a small fee and travel expenses.

Love to all and everyone be well


Comment by Sara Murphy on September 30, 2019 at 9:11am
Deb....I too believe that was Greg letting you know he was there. It's nice that he hung out with you for a bit.
Comment by Marsha H on September 29, 2019 at 4:16am

Dear Deborah P ...  I believe it was Greg and what a wonderful experience you had.  My husband Ernie loved Robins and often when I take the dogs for a walk on the dyke a Robin will fly down and not even frightened of the dogs when it lands on the pathway.  It's as if the dogs know too.  So happy you experienced what you did.

Comment by Marsha H on September 29, 2019 at 4:13am

Sara ...  I feel exactly like you do.  We sure didn't ask for this.  We are the same people we always were, yet others don't seem to see us as individuals.  Thank you for the kind comment regarding myself being there my girlfriend, but after Ernie passed she was there for me.  Now it's my turn to help her out as best I can.  I do try my very best to fit in and not feel like a visitor even with my immediate family, but I have to be honest in saying I still feel that way.  

I hope things are going much better for you Sara.  You deserve peace and happiness.

Comment by deborah peck on September 27, 2019 at 7:06am

I have to share this, I was sitting on my porch the other day watching the birds at my feeders and a dove flew up on the steps of my porch then to the floor of it, it walked around for a minute, mind you I am maybe 2 feet away, then it went to the door mat and layed down, or hunched I guess, the way they do when they are staying awhile, it stayed that way for quite awhile until I reached for my phone to take a picture, I went inside to get a drink after it flew away and when I came back out it was sitting on the porch railing, was so very strange that I think it was Greg letting me know he was here, or I like to think that anyway. Did you know that doves mate for life, when their partner dies they will find another, isn't that so cool, I don't know, maybe Im seeing what I want to see but Ive never seen a bird act like that

Comment by Sara Murphy on September 26, 2019 at 11:22am
Marsha....I understand. I don't know where I fit in anymore either. I feel like I have an existence but not a life and I'm just a visitor in other people's lives. I have to work on changing that.
Your girlfriend is lucky to have you. Most of us have had to navigate this journey by ourselves because our friends/family can't understand. Now we're the people who will help them when the time comes.
Comment by Marsha H on September 25, 2019 at 3:52am

My dear brother Charles ...

I am so sorry it has taken some time for me to get back to you, but like you, there has been so many deaths I've been confronted with or terminal illness' although I am thankful at least these people are close enough for me to phone or go visit them.  As you know my girlfriend's husband passed the very month and day Ernie passed away; April 27th.  How strange that is!  I am so sorry you are experiencing so many deaths in your own family or friends and it only reminds us how fragile life is.  I hope you and Steve are doing well and I honestly do think of you often.  I too wish that all of us could meet somewhere halfway just to put a face to each wonderful soul on here.  

Love you back!

Your sis Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on September 25, 2019 at 3:45am

Dear Sara ...  What a wonderful surprise to see you post and I appreciate you being concerned about me when I know you must have times that aren't going that great for you either.  

I guess the big question for me is I can't seem to find 'ME' and where I fit into things in my life.  I still volunteer at the shelter and go to Bible Study; see some friends off and on and visit with my small immediate family, but I feel so alone and almost empty inside.  I keep busy (painting my living room right now) but wonder 'what for?'  Guess I'm having a pity party.

I'm still helping my girlfriend out who's husband passed away in April and even through the worst of it we manage to have some good laughs.  

GETTING YOUR PICTURE BACK FOR POSTING:  Firstly when you log in you will see a small little square box just to the left of where you password is and when you click onto that then it will remember your password without you putting it in.  Just start to type you Username in and suddenly it will remember you and 'click' you are on the forum.  As far as the picture being attached go to the Home Page and it will guide you to put your picture up along with your profile.

I hope you have many happy days and when I don't see someone post I pray it's because they are getting on with their life and having more happier times than sad one.



Comment by Sara Murphy on September 23, 2019 at 11:36am

Hi All......I think it's been about a month since I was last able to visit and check in with everyone.  In that time, I must have automatically been logged out because I had to find my password and now my profile picture is not there.  I couldn't find how to add that back.   Does anyone know?  I went to My Page and thought I could find a link but I must be missing something.

I haven't been able to read all the posts yet but did get to Marsha's from mid-August so I want to say I hope your brother and neighbor are doing better.  I'm sorry you've had such a terrible time over the past few months.  It's hard when there's so much to worry about and no one to worry with.  I hope you know you have us :)


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