Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: Apr 28
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7.
Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020.
Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020.
I posted that story last May in response to a post who had lost their dog below is a portion of that post:
" I know your loss all to well, reading your post brought all my memories of that one evening when I lost my Bella. It was late in the evening when I noticed that she had not eaten or taken water during the day while I was at work. When I got home she got up and wanted to go out, so we did, but she turned around and headed back for the apartment. She laid down looking up at me and wagging her tale. I went for treats and she ate one and left the other one. It was later on that evening while watching TV she tried to get up and could not. I thought about calling for help to get her into the car and as I was passing that thought through my head, I noticed that she was starring out the glass doors to our little walled in patio wagging her tail all the while. She suddenly sat up using her front legs and started winning wagging her tail faster, looking out at the dark patio and then back at me. I knew at that moment she was waiting on me to do or say something. I opened the doors and she just tilted her head at me and laid back down. I went over to her and sat down, she put her big paw in my hand and looked at me. So, I laid down beside her on the floor petting her head and telling her it was ok, she could leave me now and join Mark. I fell asleep on the floor only to wake up and discover that she had passed on, she and Mark were together again."
For Chuck or/and Steve..I have a request. Awhile ago, one of you shared an incident from the past, when your DOG saw your loved one after he had passed (it might have been through a patio glass door? ..and barked JOYFULLY with love and excitement..I cannot remember who posted it, or if it was Bella, but to me, that was the most awesome, wonderful affirmation they are still with us. I have searched a bit...and didn,t see that post..maybe I have everything wrong...but to me, that was the catalyst that affirmed everything I feel...they ARE still with us, and will always be, until we join them.
Dear Sara ... You are doing nothing wrong and, in fact, believe it or not you are trying to make a new life and move on. You will never leave Ken behind because he is around you and in your heart. He would be happy you are moving on and can you imagine if you kept feeling so guilty you couldn't move ahead how Ken would feel? It is 9 years this coming April, Ernie passed away and I have worked hard to try and live my own life as best I can, but he is in my heart; I often will talk to him about my day (of course in the privacy of my home. ) LOL
Here is a poem I did and I hope it helps.
WHITE LIGHT AND ANGELS
THERE IS A LIGHT THAT BECKONS ME
MY PAIN IS GONE, MY SOUL IS FREE.
ON ANGELS WINGS I SOAR ABOUT,
TO LAND ON FIELDS OF FLOWERS I LOVE.
A GENTLE WIND HAS TOUCHED MY FACE,
TREES BEND THEIR BOUGHS IN ALL THEIR GRACE.
I SENSE YOUR SORROW, FEEL YOUR TEARS,
I WON'T FORGET, YOU'RE ALWAYS NEAR.
DON'T CRY FOR ME BECAUSE I'M GONE,
I LOVE YOU SO, BE STRONG, GO ON.
IN TIME THAT LIGHT WILL BECKON THEE,
YOUR PAIN IS GONE, YOUR SOUL IS FREE.
ON ANGELS WINGS WE'LL SOAR ABOVE,
I'LL CRADLE YOU IN ARMS OF LOVE.
WE'LL MEET AGAIN YOU MUST BE STRONG.
BY MARCY MADAY COPYRIGHT JULY 9, 1998
No, Sara,I don,t feel guilty about Bobs DOD...which like you, will be 4 years next month. Each previous year,I tried not to think about it..yes, I know that is crummy...but I think this year will be different..Sara..please don,t feel guilty that you are STILL LIVING..non of this was your fault, I think there is a REASON we are meant to continue on without them...and, besides, I KNOW Bob is still with me..it took awhile after I relocated, but he,s here.
And, it really helped when I had that dream/out of body experience..because he looked GOOD! And HAPPY!
You, me, and all of us who were “left behind” must have a purpose..otherwise we wouldn’t, all still be here. And you WILL see him again...but to quote a poem..we have “miles to go, before we sleep” and get to reunite with our loved ones..but for now..you were meant to LIVE this life...with Ken still here, just in a different dimension. Maybe we were meant to make a difference...I like to think so...and we can, as we carry the essence of Bob, Ken,and all our other loved ones with us...
Yes indeed I very much experience these same feelings. When dates that are so meaningful to Larry and I approach I somehow expect them to have the terrible devastating effect they have had since his passing almost 5 years ago now. When they don't hit me as hard I feel like in some inexplicable way I am being untrue to my love for him. This gets especially complicated for me because I am now finding myself occupied with the day-to-day events large and small of my life together with Steve. Occasionally late at night when I am still up by myself I find myself remembering that some anniversary or other has slipped past, or a tradition was skipped without even thinking of it - then I look at Larry's picture and ask if he understands what I am feeling and forgives me. once or twice leading up to Steve's surgery I have felt especially nervous and frightened, when suddenly something quietly calmed me and I felt like I could breathe again. I know that this was the unseen hands of God, Larry, and Mark all keeping me steady so I can be here ready to take care of Steve. Maybe that sounds a bit out there, but it makes me feel that if things were reversed, and Larry was here with someone to love and care for, I would be doing exactly the same thing for him.
Sara, Ken knows and understands everything now far better than you or I will until we are together once more with our loves. We both have reasons to be here, mostly to do whatever good we can for whoever God puts in our paths. Time may dull our heartaches a bit, and the need to carry out the tasks of living may seem to overshadow our grieving, but we all know here that nothing could or would ever diminish our love for our spouses, and that sharing love with others does not divide our capacity to love, but multiplies it.
I will be thinking of you this weekend and especially on Monday - do you remember the time I said to you years ago that as you sat on your sofa unable to move you were so sad and alone - I said I was there with you holding your hand. Well that little tickle you feel in your palm on Monday will be me.
Love and many hugs my sweet friend,
Sara, prayers to you dear sister! Four years for me as well this Feb. 14th. You got this! Hugs to ya!
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