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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Michele on February 13, 2020 at 2:01pm

I want to say that I haven't posted in some time.  I read every comment sent to me via email and it's been a selfish comfort to know I am not alone in my loss.   The only way I can describe this grief is with the example of a slow leak of daily pain/sadness while everyone else is back to their lives.  I don't post on fB with the exception of a piece of created art; nothing personal. I am grateful for this site, but now I ran out words...peace.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 13, 2020 at 1:25pm

Hi Mary Jane,

I was planning to post today about Valentine's Dat, but I want to add my 2 cents to this Facebook discussion.  Please understand that I acknowledge this is coming from an old-school, 66 year old paranoid technophobe who has always had suspicions/apprehensions of government spying, manipulation, and its use of "newspeak" . That being said, I do not mean offence to anyone nor do I expect agreement with my feelings - they are mine and mine alone. 

When I joined Legacy it was because I was so incredibly lost, confused, and unbearably alone that my best friend insisted I seek an outlet with others going through my same loss before I went mad. I have never before belonged to an online group, chat room, or Facebook - nor did I want to. That has not changed. I found here a small safe community of understanding, accepting, and limitlessly supportive souls who not only saved my sanity, but most likely my very life. My feelings about everyone here have not changed in that respect either. I would be very sorry to see this peter-out from lack of postings, but I will not join Facebook just to continue posting about my journey or to help others with theirs. Of course there are privacy issues on Facebook - that is common knowledge - it's a business! It exists to make money by mining data from members and sharing/selling that information to sources looking to target individuals for marketing/political manipulation, or to gather even more personal data for their own purposes. Sorry, but I will take a polite pass on that.

One kind loving word here means more to me than 100 shallow comments or 1000 "likes". I don't need attention from multitudes whose purposes I sometimes suspect are more about boosting their own egos or self images than about honestly connecting with other people. Nobody needs to know what I had for lunch yesterday, nor should they care.

So. apologies for the ravings of an old man who mourns the decline of genuine one-to-one communication in the world.  I was raised by two sincere people who showed their compassionate natures daily through their direct interactions in the world, and I try to follow their example. That I do that here online is only a testament to the humanity of the friends I have found here, because typing out my feelings on a keyboard is not my first choice for expressing myself. Others feel differently, and so I say go where you need to and hopefully you will find support, acceptance, and sincerety. I will be here as long as there is a "here" for us.

Love,

Chuck

Comment by Steve G. on February 13, 2020 at 12:15pm

With the future looming over us all, I do not post on FB as I do not trust what people are posting (mostly political) or where they are and what they are eating.  Of course I am referring to the Main FB site.

I post on a blog I started years ago, called "All the people in my life".  I have not added anything in over a year, and yet daily FB is telling me how to increase viewership and how much it will cost.

I did it once and got a lot of viewers, but very little feed back.  I do have a number of people I do not know that check in looking for more stories.  It was my form of therapy, and with no limits on words and length of the story I find it helpful, telling my life story involving those closest to me.

I am still not convinced that Legacy on FB is an venue I would consider.  My regular FB account has  been hacked more than once and is a pain in the you no where to sort it out and contacting FB is a pain as well.  I just keep it now to see what my cousins are doing and once in a while I post from a site called "The Power of Positivity".

Any way Hi to everyone and wishing each of you peace, love and Hugs.

Comment by Deb on February 13, 2020 at 11:59am

Mary Jane, Thanks very much for your explanation. I don’t post very often but enjoy this site and the fact that it’s private however think I’ll check out the FB site to see what it’s looking like. 
Take care. Hugs, Deb

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 13, 2020 at 11:48am

Hi DEB! I am ok, hope you are too. 

This site, Legacyconnect has a Facebook page. They started it about a year or so ago...the link is  on THIS page the big F to your right. I have been lurking and posting there, as this site was so empty..i kind of wandered over there, and started posting. I am STUNNED at how many people join each day,,,had no idea how much loss, daily was in this world. There are NOT the deep conversations we have here, but sot of an instant gratification..but Facebook isn,t as private as this is..which seems a bit risky..but it is easier to navigate. Check it out! I plan to give THIS SITE a huge plug, for those who are seeking a deeper sense of support. again, i am a bit saddened at the lack of posting here..but I know it will change. we have something special here, that cannot be fond on a Facebook site, but FB has been interesting for instant responses, and a larger audience for posts. 

Let me know what you think f you DO join and post over there. again, they do NOT maintain the same privacy there, as here, and even the moderators there, which are actually from HERE, (LOL)  warn there can be privacy breaches on their FB group.  

Bye for now

Comment by Deb on February 13, 2020 at 11:21am

Hi Mary Jane, I’m here and hoping you and everyone else is doing well. 

Wondering what is the Facebook site that you go to?

Peace and love to all,

Deb

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 13, 2020 at 11:16am

This is a "test" post, to see if anyone is out there. Wow, I don't want this site to TANK...I have been lurking and posting on the Facebook site...OMG, there are SOO MANY people posting there..I had no idea there was so much LOSS! It didn't seem as bad as when I went there right after they started it..but I have seen several posts that mirrored my feelings, this was "not what they were seeking" s I might post there, and suggest THIS site for something a bit deeper. We need to keep this place going...the friendships I have forged here are special..and I would like others to experience that. ok, bye for now...lets not let this fade away..if I DO suggest it to NEWBIES, it would be awesome if we could all jump in and give the support WE all recieved when we came here.

hope all is well with everyone. Bye for now

MJ

Comment by Marsha H on January 30, 2020 at 4:10pm

Dear Deborah P.

I know how you feel and even after almost 9 years of Ernie's passing he is always in my heart, but as time went on the initial pain of losing him was less.  I as well have never forgotten the last days with my beloved Ernie, but know my friend, that Greg and Ernie are in a good place.  To keep myself from falling apart I always tell myself this, 'I'm carrying the torch forward for you Ernie and no one will ever forget you were here with your kind heart leaving many memories for us to enjoy.'  Sometimes I get angry because those loved ones that have passed are in a better place and we are left behind.  I agree we are left behind to make a difference.  It may be just a small difference, but we do touch other's hearts.  With each person we meet we leave an imprint on them.  I know no words can take your pain away right now, but things honestly do get better in time.  It's OK to cry every so often and I still do. 

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on January 30, 2020 at 4:04pm

Steve ...  Thank you for sharing that wonderful story.  You are correct in saying that total strangers can make a small difference in our life.  I have seen people in the stores pondering over some article they are thinking of buying and frowning and sometimes I smile and make a funny comment to them and they smile and then a bit of a conversation.  An example that happened yesterday; I was at the doctors and when I came out there was a young girl sitting huddled up and shivering against the outside wall of the building.  She was dressed fairly well in a Parka, but looked so lost and lonely.  She wasn't begging for money.  I turned around and went back in the store and ordered 2 sandwiches and some hot soup and gave it to her.  She had tears in her eyes.  I never give money because one never knows if it's a person who is on drugs, but I will provide some food and chat with the person so they know that yes, people do notice them and some are kind enough to help where they can.  I agree with Mary.Jane that this woman was meant to be with you and Chuck.  They say that angels do walk amongst us.

Love you both

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on January 30, 2020 at 1:00pm

I wish you a good day...with the best memories of Greg playing in your heart...there is a line form somewhere..about people coming into your life for a “reason or a season..” and we are the ones who have to forge new lives for ourself. It sucks..but thinking about it..there must be a reason we are the ones “left behind” to “carry on”. It helps ME to think I must have a purpose..I just don,t know what..and might never know...but maybe we are meant To ”touch” the life of someone else, in some way.

And I KNOW without a doubt, that we will see our loved ones again..in some dimension or way...but meanwhile, I believe we have to keep living as best we can. 

Steve..I don,t believe your story was coincidence...for whatever reason..that nice lady was meant to connect with Chuck and you. Her message seems to be one of love, laughter and approval. Thank you for sharing it.

 

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