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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1376
Latest Conversations: Jul 17

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Trina Mamoon on February 13, 2020 at 9:17pm

Dear Todd,

I just read your post now and see that you have two very gut-wrenching days coming up. I am truly sorry that it happens to be on February 15th, the day after Valentine's Day that you lost your lovely Claudia.

I am sending you good thoughts as you face the 15th and a wedding to attend to make things even more difficult. Don't lose courage, my warrior brother, hang in there!  

Comment by Trina Mamoon on February 13, 2020 at 9:07pm

Dear Marsha and Chuck,

You two do it every time for me! I was gone--literally and metaphorically--for a long time, but your posts brought me back to writing again today.

I was in Bangladesh again for two and a half months and returned last weekend. When I am in BD, I don't take my laptop with me as it's a hassle for international travel, especially because I am from a Muslim country. I only have my iPhone to check my email, so even when I read the posts from Legacy, I don't write back because it's very time consuming to type on my phone keypad, and I don't have the patience or psychic energy. 

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and as Chuck said, whether people on this forum celebrated it with their now departed loved one or not, Valentine's Day will always be a painful reminder that that one person in the world who made life worth living is forever gone. While everybody is excitedly making plans on how to celebrate this day, our family here will only view this day with a deep sense of loss, a day that is dreaded like other marker days such as birthdays and anniversaries and holidays. 

This will be my sixth Valentine's Day without the love of my life, Joseph, and like the rest of you I will be filled with longing and heartache remembering all the Valentine's Days that I celebrated with my darling husband of 14 years (we were together for 19). 

For Joseph and me it was not a big day; some years we went out for dinner, other years we just stayed home and had chocolates to mark the day. Some years Joseph would buy me flowers. Even though we didn't always celebrate this day by doing something big or special, it was always a day to feel blessed that we had each other. That was the most important thing in the world. Now Valentine's Day is empty and painful.

As for Facebook, I have an account, but I wouldn't want to transfer Legacy there. Legacy feels right as it is here where we write honestly and sincerely about our innermost feelings; I wouldn't feel comfortable doing so on FB.

BTW, all the happy couple pictures on FB with all the details of t Valentine's Day celebrations is like a knife through the heart. I don't begrudge anyone, but it hurts to see all the happy couple pictures, when all we have now are our memories of/with our beloved spouse/partner.

Thanks for posting Mary Jane, Steve, Todd, DJ, Michele, Deb, and others. Your posts help; it feels less lonely reading your thoughts and how you cope with your grief and loss. 

Wishing everybody peace as Valentine's Day approaches. It's going to be hard, but we will make it through as we make it through each day missing the love of our life. Hugs to you all.

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 13, 2020 at 9:06pm

I just reread all of the current posts..and Michele, you made me smile. I LOVE that our posts are a selfish comfort to you...as are YOUR posts to us. YES, I know that feeling of a slow leak..I still have it, it only seems like we are better, as I for one, have learned to use better bandages to cover it..but the bandages have a habit of getting ripped off, when you think everything is fine, and least expect it. 

IT never heals, but we become able to process “IT” better. Here, we keep Ernie, Mark, Larry, Claudia, Greg, Bob and all the others alive in our hearts, and share our treasured memories. We are the ones left behind, to tell their stories, we are the ones who were blessed with love..and love never dies. Sometimes I think maybe we were meant to touch someone, or complete some unknown task, before it is our time to leave. That we might have an unknown purpose to help in some way, gives me hope..two things I feel is essential. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 13, 2020 at 6:47pm

My heart is with you all on Valentine’s Day. Bob was NOT a romantic, and after 40+ years, I might get a card, or flowers, if he thought of it. Sometimes he would give me those gifts a few days BEFORE Valentine’s Day..he was so cute.  Oh crap,I just started crying!! After 4 years? Yes, it has been 4 years this month. 

It is WONDERFUL hear from all of you! Hello to everyone!

Comment by Todd B. Goodrich on February 13, 2020 at 5:03pm

Hello yall, been reading all the posts and just haven't posted in awhile myself. I ignore this holiday like crazy! I just can't do it. Feb. 15th will be four years since my lovely Claudia succumbed to sepsis. It's just another day. I actually volunteered to work a 12 hour shift on Friday and have a wedding to attend to on the 15th. I pray everyone has a better two days than what I have coming up. 

For my other angels here.....Sara, Marsha, Chuck, Steve, Deb, Deborah, Trina, Chicago and all of our other members, love ya and keep your heads up! We are all warriors here :-)

Comment by Marsha H on February 13, 2020 at 4:27pm

Michelle ...  It's nice to see you post again.  I promise that in time the pain will become less filled with good memories the two of you had.  I know it sounds impossible, but it happens on your time!  I wish you peace, joy and comfort.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on February 13, 2020 at 4:25pm

Ernie has been gone for 9 years now and here I am facing another Valentine's Day.  I use to make him a special dinner and a heart shaped cake and no more.  Sad and I do shed a few tears.  I comfort myself by still buying him a Valentine's card and it helps.  You can get helium heart-shaped balloons and go to a private place in peace, say what you feel in your heart and release the balloon to the heavens.  I know there are no words to comfort some of you, but this does help and I do believe our loved ones are close.  Brush away the tears and smile and throw a kiss their way.

Love you all

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on February 13, 2020 at 4:21pm

ISSUES ABOUT FACEBOOK:

The owner of FB is in court.  Privacy is a big issue.   A year or so ago I left a link so that members could go to and decide whether they wanted to join FB or not trust their privacy.  I for one do not trust FB's privacy policies.  Here is a link that will help you decide if you want to risk privacy.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/zakdoffman/2019/05/31/facebook-loses-i...

Comment by DJ on February 13, 2020 at 4:18pm

Hi everyone;

I came across this page in 2014, shortly after my wife died; it was before Legacy started their FB page, I believe.  I found my way here when I opened a Legacy memorial page for my wife, 

This comment wall has been truly a great comfort for me, and to this day I read every post, although I rarely comment myself. 

Not long after Legacy started their FB page I checked into that; I don't think I've posted more than a couple times,  Its activity is inundating.

As long-timers here know, this page has been getting few newbies (none in months?); I'm guessing at least one reason is that Legacy.com themselves no longer even refer to it.  Their home page now *only* links to their FB site, through the Legacy.com / Advice & Support / Find Comfort in Legacy's Grief Support Groups.

Regarding security/privacy: this page is "not secure", see the warning in the bar at the top of the page.  The FB page _is_ secure: see the "lock" icon in the bar at the top of its page.  At least this page is solely for discussion/comments; their memorial page is now also not secure, yet they ask for credit card details from sponsors - not something I will do.

It would seem that Legacy.com is paring back support for their website,  Even the most fundamental requirement for any modern webpage (security "https://") seems to have been dropped.  Some browsers will soon block insecure pages from even being shown.  When that happens, I'm not sure we will be able to connect with each other here even though we have the web address already.

Even if we are doomed to this page fading away, I will certainly greet newbies until then!  I know what a relief it was for me when I joined...

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 13, 2020 at 4:08pm

It is sooo awesome to hear from you all again! NAPTIME..back later.

 

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