Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on January 20, 2020 at 12:23pm

Steve, I totally think it was a gift from Mark, he knew you needed a sign that hes still around, I have a niece that  just came out to me that she has a girlfriend, I told her I am so happy that she is happy and all I truly care about for my family and friends is that they all feel love and happiness because that is all that truly matters, I am not the person to judge everyone else, not my job, Im so sry that Mark passed without the acceptance he deserved, God made us all different in many ways so why would he condemn us for what he made, so everyone else needs to follow Gods lead and be accepting of all of our differences

Comment by Sara Murphy on January 20, 2020 at 11:31am

Steve....I agree with Mary Jane and Marsha.  I'd like to think Mark's family does care and regrets the way they treated him.  I love that Mark sent you a feather...tangible evidence that he is near. 

Comment by Steve G. on January 20, 2020 at 8:00am

I am smiling again, thank you Marsha and Mary Jane.  

Chuck is wonderful, he patiently handed me tissues and then made us a pizza for lunch.  I still cannot do to much in physical activities, so I finally started my paint by numbers set which Chuck had set up in the Dinning room equipped with a tripod light brushes from his set and everything else I needed,  After about an hour or so I looked at the small area I completed and before I could tell Chuck how awful it looked, he just smiled and said wait until tomorrow and it will look differently.  He was right of course, I will now spend a little time painting over the next few weeks to help keep my mind and me busy.

Thank you Marsha for sharing your story with me, your compassion for others still sets the bar high for all of us.  Humans are and can be the most loving and giving when they so choose to be.

We spent the rest of the day watching Musicals, Phantom of the Opera and Into the woods.  

You both are right, it was not by chance Chuck and I found each other, Larry and Mark and a host of other Angels made it possible.  I can not imagine my life now without Chuck by my side.

Thank you both for your loving responses.

Your brother Steve

Comment by Marsha H on January 20, 2020 at 3:36am

My dear brother Steve ...

I agree with Mary.Jane that because it was Mark's b/d and you found the feather of course your emotions come bubbling up.  I know for sure that I truly have my days out of the blue.  I hope you believe this Steve, but it's Mark's way of letting you know he's there and happy you have found Chuck.  I bet he has a smile on his face. You and Chuck just didn't meet by accident and were meant to finish out your lives with each other and I know Larry would be happy for Chuck too.

Not all families toss a gay son or daughter away although I know some do.  I do believe they are now living with regrets and guilt and they should.  I too don't understand how any family can toss a gay son, daughter or relative out of the family as they are the same people they loved before and being gay never changes that.  Here is a story for you:

My sister-in-law's brother was gay when AIDS was at it's highest.  My family, Ernie and his own family were there for him until he did have to go to hospital near the end.  We'd take turns visiting him.  I remember my mom nearly tripping over herself getting him what he needed and how much pleasure he got from seeing us.  When we walked into the room I notice a young man on the far bed looking so sad and I went over and gave him a big hug.  He broke down crying because not his family or anyone had hugged him or even came near him.  Every time I went in I hugged him just to see that big smile on his face.  So you see my friend not everyone is ignorant and they are the losers for those gays they may meet and judge them for it because they will miss the joy and love they have to give.  Mark had you!  Now you have Chuck!  Put a smile on your face dear brother for me.

Love you lots



Comment by Mary. Jane on January 19, 2020 at 10:04pm

BTW, for Steve, and everyone..last night I watched a wonderful movie on PRIME...I RARELY recommend ANYTHING like this, as they usually suck..but to me, this movie was SPECTACULAR 

It is called TROOP ZERO ..about a girl, who NEEDS to be a BIRDIE SCOUT...and the 3 other kids who join with that no other group will is based in the early 70’s in a tiny Southern town..and it was sooo good I am going to watch it again! 

Comment by Mary. Jane on January 19, 2020 at 8:53pm

Ummm, you had the meltdown cuz it was his birthday! Or because you NEEDED one!  We tend to keep a lot bottled inside, until one day we just explode. It is AWESOME he sent you a feather yesterday. 

I have to tell you..I do not now, nor have I EVER understood why families desert their gay children, or other kin. What difference does it make? How can families just DO that?  (I won,t get started as it makes me very angry.). I am so very sorry. 

Bob had a brother who was gay..and he was NEVER EVER shunned, actually, as soon as he officially came was GREAT, cuz Bobs family got to stop speculating and wondering. I would like to think there are a lot of families who welcome their gay loved ones. 

Comment by Steve G. on January 19, 2020 at 3:27pm

Wow, today snuck up on me and I got angry and sad all of the roller coaster emotions we succumb to on our grief journey.  Yesterday I found a feather at the front door, just like the first one I found.  Today was Mark's 56th birthday, why today of all days would I have an emotional meltdown?  The more I thought the anger built up inside of me.  I wanted everyone to know my pain and hurt, I could not stop it, so out it came.  I found myself wondering does anyone in his family really care, after the way he was tossed aside because he was gay.  

I calmed down finally and now I feel tired, but also better.  I tend to keep my emotions pinned up; you'd think by now I should know not to...anyway, just needed to vent to those who understand and who really care.

Thank you dear family


Comment by Marsha H on January 14, 2020 at 6:45am

Dear Diane C ...  Thank you so much my friend.  We have set a date for Feb. 8th and hopefully the snow will have pooped itself out.  It's pretty here with the snow, but what a mess!  Lots of ice.  I had 3 inches of ice on the top of my car!  Thankfully one of my girlfriend's husbands came and got the ice and snow off the driveway and city walkway.  I am blessed.  Just have cabin fever!  LOL

Love ya more


Comment by Marsha H on January 14, 2020 at 6:43am

Dear Sara ...  Thank you so much and we have set a date for Feb. 8th when the snow stops.  Right now we have about 5 - 6 inches of snow and some ice and it's sure slippery out there.  I'm getting cabin fever!  LOL

I appreciate your kind wishes as I know you've been having a rough go of it.  Hang in there my friend as it does get better.



Comment by Diane C on January 13, 2020 at 11:25am
Happy Belated Birthday Marsha.... I hope you get out soon with the girls and have a fun time celebrating another year!!

Love ya!!

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