Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: Oct 16
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020.
Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020.
Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019.
My heart is with you all on Valentine’s Day. Bob was NOT a romantic, and after 40+ years, I might get a card, or flowers, if he thought of it. Sometimes he would give me those gifts a few days BEFORE Valentine’s Day..he was so cute. Oh crap,I just started crying!! After 4 years? Yes, it has been 4 years this month.
It is WONDERFUL hear from all of you! Hello to everyone!
Hello yall, been reading all the posts and just haven't posted in awhile myself. I ignore this holiday like crazy! I just can't do it. Feb. 15th will be four years since my lovely Claudia succumbed to sepsis. It's just another day. I actually volunteered to work a 12 hour shift on Friday and have a wedding to attend to on the 15th. I pray everyone has a better two days than what I have coming up.
For my other angels here.....Sara, Marsha, Chuck, Steve, Deb, Deborah, Trina, Chicago and all of our other members, love ya and keep your heads up! We are all warriors here :-)
Michelle ... It's nice to see you post again. I promise that in time the pain will become less filled with good memories the two of you had. I know it sounds impossible, but it happens on your time! I wish you peace, joy and comfort.
Ernie has been gone for 9 years now and here I am facing another Valentine's Day. I use to make him a special dinner and a heart shaped cake and no more. Sad and I do shed a few tears. I comfort myself by still buying him a Valentine's card and it helps. You can get helium heart-shaped balloons and go to a private place in peace, say what you feel in your heart and release the balloon to the heavens. I know there are no words to comfort some of you, but this does help and I do believe our loved ones are close. Brush away the tears and smile and throw a kiss their way.
Love you all
ISSUES ABOUT FACEBOOK:
The owner of FB is in court. Privacy is a big issue. A year or so ago I left a link so that members could go to and decide whether they wanted to join FB or not trust their privacy. I for one do not trust FB's privacy policies. Here is a link that will help you decide if you want to risk privacy.
I came across this page in 2014, shortly after my wife died; it was before Legacy started their FB page, I believe. I found my way here when I opened a Legacy memorial page for my wife,
This comment wall has been truly a great comfort for me, and to this day I read every post, although I rarely comment myself.
Not long after Legacy started their FB page I checked into that; I don't think I've posted more than a couple times, Its activity is inundating.
As long-timers here know, this page has been getting few newbies (none in months?); I'm guessing at least one reason is that Legacy.com themselves no longer even refer to it. Their home page now *only* links to their FB site, through the Legacy.com / Advice & Support / Find Comfort in Legacy's Grief Support Groups.
Regarding security/privacy: this page is "not secure", see the warning in the bar at the top of the page. The FB page _is_ secure: see the "lock" icon in the bar at the top of its page. At least this page is solely for discussion/comments; their memorial page is now also not secure, yet they ask for credit card details from sponsors - not something I will do.
It would seem that Legacy.com is paring back support for their website, Even the most fundamental requirement for any modern webpage (security "https://") seems to have been dropped. Some browsers will soon block insecure pages from even being shown. When that happens, I'm not sure we will be able to connect with each other here even though we have the web address already.
Even if we are doomed to this page fading away, I will certainly greet newbies until then! I know what a relief it was for me when I joined...
It is sooo awesome to hear from you all again! NAPTIME..back later.
It has been done. Goodbye, Facebook.
Ohhhh, let me assure you, I have NO INTENTION of staying on that Facebook page..in fact, something very creepy just occurred there..a post I made from the ONE other time I joined the Legacy grief site on Facebook,May 2018, popped up! Where the hell did they get THIS photo! It was a pic of a paragraph. After 2 years, they connected me? Ironically, I was going to suggest this board, then LEAVE...after my nap today. LOL
Now, I will do it sooner. Thanks for the reminder of why I WAS NOT on their grief site since a few days in 2018.
And, it is AWESOME to see my friends here posting again.Sorry I stirred up such a bru ha ha.
Tomorrow is the day for so many of us that can feel like walking through a mine field. Larry and I did observe Valentine's Day with cards, flowers, candy - and for many years going out to dinner. That last part became going to lunch, then finally skipping the public thing altogether. I finally decided that I had had one too many lovely meals ruined by someone at another table very obviously expressing their disapproval, or even outright disgust, at sharing this day celebrating love with a gay couple.
In 2016 I faced another first in the long line of firsts surrounding holidays, birthdays, etc. without Larry. It was sometime in January that I was shopping in Walmart early in the morning trying to avoid crowds dur to my slow pace and use of a cane. I was getting slightly less uncomfortable shopping alone, although there were still many times that seeing Larry's favorite jam of variety of crackers on the shelf continued to jolt me into either tears or stunned immobility.
This day I rounded a corner and was faced with a seemingly miles long aisle of Valentine's merchandise. Cards, heart-shaped boxes, and red stuffed animals waited as if to ambush me - and they did just that. Once I could breathe again, I stood frozen for a second then did something that still surprises me - I looked up to the ceiling and bellowed loudly "Really God???!!! Are you f-----g kidding me???!!! I just survived Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, and even my birthday, and now THIS???!!!"
It is good that there were no shoppers nearby, although someone stocking shelves a few aisles over did stare , and looking frightened rushed up to the front, probably to get security or the manager. I left the cart half-full where it was and made my way out of the store, barely reaching the car before crying uncontrollably. Somehow I made the drive home.
I share this because somewhere in our family there may be members for whom this Valentine's Day will be a terribly difficult and lonely time, possibly for the first time. Whether we went big with gifts and all the trappings, or practically ignored it, we are still all bombarded from all sides with the unavoidable reminder that while everyone else is being pushed to remember the day with flowers and diamonds, we are alone without the one person that made the day mean anything to us. This is now my 5th Valentine's Day, and I don't rage, or even resent the media blitz anymore. I do remember the times Larry and I celebrated, even the ones that were made uncomfortable for us, with terrific gratitude for having had a love like ours despite all the obstacles and deniers we encountered over the 32 beautiful years we were given. My bitterness seems to have given way to a quiet resigned longing for the remembered laughter and love.
Happy Valentine's Day Larry - 1-4-3
Peace and hugs to all,
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