Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7, 2022. 6 Replies


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on May 29, 2020 at 6:36am

Dear Sara ...  I know just how you feel about Ken and I the same about Ernie.  Even after 9 years I still think of him often and all the special events we had celebrated together.  Now when there is one I just make a special dinner, light candles, have a wine and sit in the living room where we preferred to dine and raise my glass to a wonderful man.  I know these words don't help, but all of us here were so very lucky to have spouses we loved so deeply and deeper than the sea as so many people never experience that.  I am thinking of you and I know Ken must be very proud of you.



Comment by Marsha H on May 29, 2020 at 6:31am

Dear Steve ...

I was in tears my friend that you fear about the future.  Remember, throughout history whether it be impending war, terrorism or the threat of diseases they do pass and there is still a future.  So hold your head high, don't be afraid and when housebound I realize it's tough, but you are doing all the right things.  

Here is another passage from this wise lady you quoted:

Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space. Invite one to stay ...

Comment by Steve G. on May 28, 2020 at 11:24pm

Thank you Trina for your words of truth and comfort.

I have to remind myself that there are so many people around our world that are suffering in so many different ways.

Love and hugs to all

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 28, 2020 at 7:50pm

Dear Chuck,

As you write, many of us here on this forum are always engaged in trying to find ways to distract ourselves from constantly focusing on our past lives with our departed spouse/partner.

It will be six years in August that Joseph left this planet, but everyday as I open my eyes, the very first thoughts are about him, and the very last thoughts as I try to force myself to fall asleep in the early hours of the morning are also about him. Thoughts of Joseph and of my past life with him, what it would be like now had he been around, are all I am thinking about. It's as if he lives inside of me, is at one with me, inseparable. When we have experienced a love that endures through death and endures through the years, this is how it is.

On a different note, about people's reaction to the pandemic, I would like to say that the pandemic has brought out the best in human nature and it has also brought out the worst in human nature; funny how that works. We know of people who are going above and beyond to save lives and putting themselves at risk, and at the same time, we see the horrific images of people who lack basic human decency and are protesting against having to wear face masks and do social distancing. You would think that people would want to do their part in this national/global crisis, and try to keep the number of COVID patients and COVID deaths lower, but no, for those people their personal freedom is more important than other people's right to live and to be healthy. Sad and upsetting, to say the least. But I feel cheered by the acts of altruism and kindness that strangers are showing strangers every single day through this hard time. There is hope for human nature yet. 

Sending love and good thoughts your way. Stay safe.

-- Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 28, 2020 at 7:13pm

Dear Steve,

Your post that is so honest about coping with loss and grieving in the time of Corona brought tears to my eyes. Yes, my friend, the uncertainty of it all makes it so much more difficult. Hope your reading keeps you busy and distracted so you do not dwell on your sad thoughts.

Sending hugs and love your way. Stay safe and stay well.

-- Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 28, 2020 at 7:10pm

Dear Sara,

Thinking of you and your beloved husband Ken today, your 31st anniversary. Anniversaries are always rough with our soulmates gone, but in these unprecedented times of social distancing and lockdown, any marker day is that much more difficult to bear. I hope you make it through the day with some amount of peace and that memories of your Ken bring you comfort today. 

Sending you love and hugs,


Comment by Steve G. on May 28, 2020 at 4:19pm

Dear legacy family,

I start each day lately with anticipation plus a measure of sadness.  I cannot put out of my thoughts that looming on the horizon is "what's next".  I find that meditation is helping to keep me grounded and still I wonder and still I plan small projects to distract my mind.  I read a lot about science and astronomy, anything for distraction.

Just needed to vent.

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."  Maya Angelu...

Love and hugs


Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 28, 2020 at 2:58pm

Dearest Sara,

Indeed that empty place within each of our hearts can be overwhelming. Is it because of all that's happening, or just because I am getting older and more nostalgic and emotional? I don't know, but anniversaries and holidays are all seeming to be more draining and dsitracting - even my dreams are getting more ...I don't want to say upsetting, but perhaps unsettling is the word.

Your work is such a good thing to have - I am relying more on small projects to distract my mind when I can, or start cleaning or cooking just to focus on anything other than my former life with Larry.

I send you a big hug from afar, and know Ken would be with you going through this if he could - June 15th will mark Larry's and my anniversary of the day we met in 1983 - that will be 37 years for us. Like you, I imagine how we would try to celebrate without dining out (Larry's absolutely favorite thing, and always someplace fancy and embarrassingly expensive!)

Be well Sara, stay safe, and know that Steve and I are raising a glass to toast you and Ken this evening, and the enduring love you share for all time.

Love, Chuck 

Comment by Todd B. Goodrich on May 28, 2020 at 2:19pm

Hi Sara!

Sending you hugs and prayers today. Hoping you are well.

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 28, 2020 at 2:12pm
Well today should be my 31st wedding anniversary. I can't help but think what Ken and I would be doing to celebrate although probably not much this year since going out to dinner is out of the question. So glad I'm working and had a couple meetings today to focus on something other than that empty place

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