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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

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Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 21, 2020 at 10:02pm

Dear Trina,

I want to thank you - for your thoughtful and loving reply to Steve, and for the way you so honestly and sincerely shared with us all your fears and anxiety during this nightmare in which we find ourselves. No, you couldn't offend anyone here with such candor. Rather you have given us all something with which we can relate as we experience our own losses and feelings ranging from sadness to outrage.

I saw how deeply affected by the loss of his friend Steve was as he told me of his passing and his story. I listened a few weeks ago as Larry's daughter-in-law told me on the phone how her husband cries in private over the loss of his mother in February. I read texts and emails from a new friend who was going down hard grieving for the loss of his sweet little dog Gigi who was his constant companion and like a daughter to him. My cousin brought me to tears a week ago describing the permanent rift between her and her sister  created after the loss of their father a year ago, and how she realizes now that she is grieving both losses equally. 

For myself, I guess my personal feelings of loss go directly to the seemingly insurmountable challenge of communication with those who have chosen to value political ideology over the value of human life. This from folks who scream constantly about right to life legislation and proclaim loudly from the rafters their worship of God and their belief in the Bible. Yet somehow they don't see the grief caused by the loss of 200,000 souls - sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, all remembered and wept over by their survivors. 

This feeling of anger runs through me now almost constantly like a low voltage current that buzzes softly in the recesses of my brain. I would scream and march and riot if I possibly could I think. I feel helpless and useless with only the sane dear loving presence of Steve to keep me from exploding. I feel so bad for you being isolated in this weirdly distorted country surrounded by mindless followers of ...what? A lie? A false prophet? I am sad that you are having physical reactions to this stress, but I also believe there are many many of us who are feeling the terrific toll all this insanity is causing. 

The virus is just that - a virus. Intelligent mindful behavior and adherence to common sense medical and scientifically based guidance combined with a sense of responsibility to all other people's health and well-being shouldn't be the exception or even debatable. What has happened to so many of the people in this country?

Anyway, I wrote the piece I posted last week but hesitated to post it because, like you, I wasn't sure how it would be received.  Now I just want to share it with you and all my very much loved Legacy family, because in some ways you all seem to be the last pocket of sanity I have in this world with whom I can honestly share my feelings - BLESS all of you for that!

Trina, stay safe and hold tight to all the good and beauty and love in your heart that you so generously give to us all here time and time again. Now feel our love flowing back bring you strength and peace.

Love and prayers always,

Chuck 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 21, 2020 at 4:11pm

Dear Steve,

I read the article on the link just now. It is indeed very sad that the survivors of COVID are facing a new set of challenges and difficulties that make their grief even harder to bear. Thanks again for bringing this tragic and sad reality for us to consider.

I have been afraid to post on this forum about my fears and anxiety over COVID as I thought that I might anger someone on this forum by sharing what I have been going through since March, since the lockdown happened. I have been living in isolation in a new city (I moved to Indiana just before the pandemic), and I have been suffering from isolation and loneliness. I am afraid to go out for groceries or even for a walk by myself because so many people do not wear a face mask. I will be turning 60 next month, and I have a chronic upper respiratory condition, so getting the COVID for me could be fatal. Now because of the anxiety, I have high blood pressure which I am trying to bring under control with medication, exercise, and diet.

This pandemic has been extremely rough for me, as I am sure as it has been for millions of people across the nation who are facing similar challenges like me--age, health issues, isolation--that make living through this even harder.

The pandemic is a tragic reality that people all over the world have been struggling with for the better part of 2020. But unfortunately, many of the public response to the pandemic has made the situation even tougher for people like me. It is compounded when you are an immigrant from a Muslim country like myself.

The anxiety over masks (people not wearing them in public) and being unable to do anything about it has caused my new health condition, high blood pressure (according to my doctor). COVID is causing other physical and emotional and psychological problems for many people. It is very real.

I hope and pray that this pandemic will pass sooner than we think and that people here and in the rest of the world will be spared this virus and that we can go back to living a normal life again in the not too distant future.

Thanks for the opportunity, Steve, to be able to share my anxiety on this forum. I hope no one will take badly what I said here honestly about the reality, the real challenges I am facing.

Stay safe and stay well.

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Steve G. on September 21, 2020 at 1:49pm

Thank you Trina, unfortunately, those survivors of the fallen from Covid face a new realm of grief.  The link I posted discusses those challenges.  They are confronted every day by the news media and even some have had confrontations with family and friends that do understand or worse believe all the conspiracies.

A very sad day for us all.

Hugs

Steve

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 21, 2020 at 1:32pm

Thank you, Steve, for honoring the memory of your friend Julio who died of COVID and for sharing with us here. It's very sad.

My cousin, who was 58 years old, died of COVID in May. He left behind his loving wife and two teenage daughters. My cousin's story is similar to your friend's.

200,000 people have now perished by the virus. Can you imagine the grief and desperation of all the family members that these deaths have caused? We are living in a time of great sorrow and loss. These are harsh times and could get even worse by December as the scientific and medical projections note.

Praying for you and Chuck and everyone else on this forum to be safe and well.

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Steve G. on September 21, 2020 at 7:38am

Today I am posting a link to a story I found online about grief, specifically the Covid-19 survivors from the 200,000 souls lost to the pandemic.

I see facebook posts about it being a hoax, or folks saying that they do not anyone who has it or who has died.

In honor of my friend and former co-worker in South Florida.

He was 58, Mark and I met him while working in a call center in Tamarac, FL.  He eventually left the call center and got a new job elsewhere.  We remained friends all these years and was quite moved by Mark's passing in 2014; this past week I found out that he died from the virus.  He was 52 and left behind his wife and teen age daughter besides his large extended family.  Julio arrived in America as a 10 year old boy, placed into a raft by his parents to get him out of Cuba.  He did not know how to speak English and all he had was a note with his nearest relatives phone number in his pocket.   Quite a story on it's own, but he made it, learned English, went to school and the US his home by becoming a citizen.  

I will miss his humor and his artwork, (he posted his sketches on FB, very talented).  RIP my friend, I am sure you and Mark will have a grand time catching up.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/covid-19-deaths-with-flags-crosse...

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 11, 2020 at 10:59pm

WOW...I have no words..awesome

Comment by Chicago Beard on September 11, 2020 at 2:00pm

Deborah

Went to you tube and checked out "Where Is The Love." She has a very contemporary sound. She does have a nice voice though her music is not what I like to listen to. I gave the video a like.

Comment by deborah peck on September 11, 2020 at 12:35pm

So my daughter had her first single record come out today, Im so excited for her, her voice is amazing and she finally found the right producer, she is on all the music apps on the internet and you tube. her name is Soulkatt and the song is ' Where is the love" , hope you all check it out

Comment by deborah peck on September 11, 2020 at 12:30pm

Chuck, made me chuckle to think of the people at the restaurant when you proposed, people are so critical of others lives.  August is a hot spot for me too with the anniversary of my first husbands death on the 14th to the anniversary of Greg and my wedding on the 31st, I just try to keep busy but someone that really loves us can see us change when those dates approach. I too am wondering how our friends are doing in California during all this chaos that now includes fire, prayers and love to everyone

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 10, 2020 at 9:54pm

Dear Deborah,

I apologize for not acknowledging your and Greg's anniversary - what a lovely picture of you two!

The end of August and beginning of September are "loaded" calendar days for me - I proposed to Larry on Aug. 27th in 1983 (in a public restaurant - caused more than a few raised eyebrows I tell you!) - then just a few days later my mother passed away on Sept. 1st. I always get a little buggy around these dates, and I am so grateful and fortunate that Steve gets it and is very patient and comforting through my mood swings and somewhat erratic behavior. Of course, this is me we're talking about, so it would be fair if someone asked how such behavior differs from "everyday" Chuck.

I'm smiling thinking of you grilling for your family and playing games - Labor Day was always such a fun weekend for me with Larry - he had the long weekend and took the Friday off so we could get an early start driving to Hancock, Mass. to go antiquing, visiting a country fair, and just enjoy the beautiful Berkshire Mountain scenery during walks in woods and fields. These are some of my most pleasant memories  - thinking of them is so bittersweet that I don't even know how to describe the feelings. If I were a character in an episode of The Twilight Zone I would be the old man trying to go back in time...

I'm happy to know you are well, and really hope that everyone else is too. I especially worry about Mary Janr with the terrible fires, and send prayers to all who have friends or family out west. I'm waiting to hear about my cousin's family who moved to Portland 5 years ago.

Deborah you are indeed blessed to have your family near you - I pray they will always be so and that you have many more fun times ahead!

Love, Chuck - and love and hugs to all and be well and safe.

 

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