Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: Mar 31
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020.
Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020.
Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019.
Deb......that's the thing with memories, we have no choice but to take the bad with the good. Hopefully for all of us, the good outweigh the bad. Ken and I had 8 years of serious health issues and each time we thought we got through the worst of it, something new came along. I have flashbacks of those tough times where I flash on the hospital or his suffering but we also had a lot of good times mixed in and I cherish those memories. I too would have gladly spent many more years taking care of him but somehow knowing he is no longer suffering gives me a measure of comfort. I hope you don't mind my sharing my perspective. It always helps me when I see someone post about something that I'm feeling or thinking. Before finding Legacy, I thought I was wrong for how I was feeling and that society expected us to just be ok, pick up and move on. I'm thinking about you Deb and hope that as you navigate these next few months, you'll be able to focus on the happiest of times
Dear Deborah ... I feel Greg is with you all the time. You did the best you could and yes, all of us were lucky to have the love of our life be with us as long as they were although we realize it was far too early for them to leave us. They left us with so many wonderful memories and from each in the marriage we learned from each other and so we carry the torch for them with the love they shared and wisdom they gave us until we meet them again and we will!
I wish you peace, love
The 30th of January always seams like the day life as I knew it changed forever, its the day Greg had a massive stroke and although he survived he was not the same and though I got 4 more months with him before he passed from swallowing problems and I would surely take him back anyway I could have him the period from Jan30 to may 12 is full of hard memories and good ones,
Dear Sara ... You're always so sweet and encouraging and your post uplifted me a great deal. I do believe for all of us that felt we met our soul mate we will meet again. That of course includes you and your husband.
How are you doing Sara with this Covid hanging over all our heads? I know it seems to take it's toll on most of us. In British Columbia Canada we have a little more flexability that the U.S. We can go shopping and many restaurants are open, but most only order in food. Theaters and churches are closed here. Pubs are open. Go figure! It's not being able to see your friends, but can't complain because my sister-in-law comes and visits me every other Saturday or, if weather permitting I go and see her and my brother (we're in our own bubble), but so many nice traditions with family have had to be cancelled. Our weather has taken a turn for the worst too and it's pouring rain, windy and dark out for most of the day. That sure doesn't help, but I try to keep busy around the house and get lots of phone calls so that helps. I sure find I get sleepy fast and after dinner I'm almost a gonner. Let me know how you are doing as I think of you and everyone else on here and pray things get better for all of us.
Marsha......that's sweet. As soon as you met Ernie, you knew you met your soulmate. I hope you take comfort in knowing you'll be together for all eternity.
Dear Chuck ...
I must have been one of those odd people who never truly experienced young love. I did have crushes in my earlier years, but something was always missing and I dismissed it as being too young and eventually in my late teens did find someone, but deep in my heart something was amiss. We married and it did not last and in less than 4 years we divorced. I had the odd feeling of suddenly feeling free of spirit and that I had to find out who I was and learn from the world around me. I dated often, but also during my freedom I enjoyed my own free time or going out with girlfriends. I began to think I was one of these young women who wasn't meant to have a strong and loving relationship until out of the blue I realized I just knew there was a soulmate out there for me and I had no idea when, if ever I would meet him. At the age of 26 my dear friend Tom introduced me to my Ernie and the very first meeting we looked into each others eyes and just knew we were meant to be together and the feeling over-whelmed me that we had known each other before and had just found each other again to carry on our lives together. Now with Ernie gone I truly feel I have lost part of my soul, but believe one day we will meet again.
Love & Hugs
Dear Chuck ... I loved your memories in your post and as always beautifully written. No matter the subject is in your post it calms me and makes me feel good. Get moving! Write a book! LOL
Ilove this Chuck, such a beautiful memory, I think we all have had past relationships that for one reason or another didn't work and you still wonder what if. I love the way you describe your feelings and the intensity of it and know you must of carried this with you for a long time. I wish you well Deb
That was beautiful, Chuck
Hello dear family,
I ask a rhetorical question, because I know the answer for all my Legacy family is “yes”.
Have you had a thought – a memory – so completely and unexpectedly overtake you that you temporarily lost contact with where you were, what you were doing, even your own identity? The person standing there in present day is gone, replaced by someone young, idealistic, and terribly and completely in love for the first time?
I had such a moment today, but it was not about my beloved Larry whose loss led me here. No, I was a young man, still a boy really, spending the summer in a small town in the Berkshire Mountains in Mass. I had befriended another boy with fine hair so blonde it was almost white, sensitive blue eyes, and what looked like a million freckles. He took me on long walks through the woods, along streams and over steep mountain trails, never getting lost and teaching me how to step silently so as not to scare away the wildlife and birds he showed me. His nature was gentle, his manner quiet, and his laughter easy and genuine. As our friendship grew over the summers we had together, I came to realize that I was hopelessly in love with him.
I finally told him of my feelings, and he confessed having the same feelings for me – but that he wasn’t gay. I suppose we could be viewed charitably by some as star-crossed lovers. In time he met a girl, moved across country, and had a daughter. We stayed in touch, and he became for me a question that would never have an answer – what if?
In 1999 I received a phone call two days before my January 24th birthday from his sister. He had killed himself on January 19th. A part of me died the day he did, and my questions about why will never be completely answered.
Ghosts of the past do not limit themselves to appearances at Christmas - they visit unbidden but not unwelcome. Such a ghost touched me this morning, and the lingering emotions stirred have yet to be still. With it came a tear to the eye, a pain to the heart – and a small smile to the lips. Also accompanying it was this - simple question that will circle within while I draw breath unanswered…
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