Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: Oct 10

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7, 2022. 6 Replies


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on February 20, 2022 at 2:44pm

This is how it started..Thursday morning, I took a routine blood test, The we went out for the Dr left me a phone message which I didn,t get until around 7 or 8 pm..on Thursday...saying my hemo globin was 6.8 (11 is normal) and for me to go into the ER NOW! So, Friday morning, I went, and was sooo bad I needed a blood transfusion. Who knew? They did another blood test when I got had gotten worse, so I stayed there until 8 pm..with a tube with someone else’s blood entering my arm.

i NEVER get sick,  o health problems at all until this. Now I am worried about everything, weak and tires and still shocked this happened. Thank u for letting me ramble.


Comment by Mary. Jane on February 20, 2022 at 2:23pm

Thank you all so much, I am touched by your posts. ...yes, I was terrified...I was perfectly healthy until now...when I came home, I slept for 2 days....soo I take iron pills and hope for the best. Melinda is still and caring  for me. I am kind of shell shocked by the entire ordeal, even now...can,t seem to focus or understand stuff like I used to. Kind of a trauma ...but I will be ok.

ok it is NAP TIME! Again, thank you!

Comment by Steve G. on February 20, 2022 at 10:27am

Mary Jane,

Hang in there, emergency room visits for any reason is scary for me, let alone a stay in the hospital.  Please know that you are and still in my prayers each day.  Praying for a speedy recovery and God's loving embrace of a very dear sister.

Hugs to you and your family,

Steve G

Comment by DJ on February 20, 2022 at 10:27am

Mary Jane: hugs and prayers to you and your earthbound angel Melinda.

Comment by Steve G. on February 20, 2022 at 10:22am

Thank you, Marsha, for posting her message.  I will add my prayers to everyone else's.  Y

Hug to you.

Steve G.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 20, 2022 at 9:52am

Dear Mary Jane,

I know first-hand how upsetting and frightening emergency room visits are, and am sending as much positive energy out to you as I can. I will be waiting to hear from you when you are up to it, and look forward to you being back home and feeling stronger and comfortable again.

With much love and many hugs from Steve and I,


Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 20, 2022 at 9:48am

Thank you Marsha for alerting us - I know everyone here is sending prayers of love and support Mary Jane's way,, as of course do Steve and I.

Love to all, Chuck

Comment by Marsha H on February 19, 2022 at 4:59pm


I spent 8 hours in the emergency room yesterday, almost died...needed a blood transfusion hemoglobins were only 6.8 11 is normal...I am still super low..weak and scared. Melinda was with me, and is here now.
I am terrified...
I,will keep u is ok if u want to tell the others.





Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 18, 2022 at 10:26am

Dear Trina,

I have been thinking of you and am grateful to hear from you. As you always do, you add beautiful heartfelt insights expressed eloquently and with great compassion.

The differences you note between you and Joseph, while bringing occasional disagreements, undoubtedly became an integral part of the strong fabric of your life together. When we are open to seeing another person as having things to teach us as well as to love us, then a relationship grows with enduring roots planted in the solid ground of absolute acceptance of our differences and watered by unconditional love. 

Like Mary Jane, Larry and I saw many rocky and combative marriages and relationships among family, friends, and acquaintances. Larry himself had such a marriage to his ex-wife. I wondered how something that started with a loving commitment could unravel to such an unpleasant point, and why some couples couldn't work out their problems. I gradually understood that nobody could or will ever fully comprehend the dynamics in any couples' relationship from the outside. That was certainly true for me and Larry, so I had to apply that fact to my view of other couples as well. This helped me avoid judging them (mostly) and "taking sides". I admit I wasn't always successful in this effort.

We were often told that we were a perfect couple and asked how we made it work so well. I found this interesting coming from straight couples who had never had to battle the obstacles and attitudes that Larry and I had confronted every day. Perhaps the reality that there were such powerful forces that were vehemently, even violently, opposed to our love for each other made us dig in our heels and work through the problems that arose from both inside and outside our relationship.  

My answer to these inquiries was uncharacteristically brief and succinct, and seemed to surprise some people. I said that we respected each other and tried to show the same courtesies to one another that we would show any stranger. Love and passion are wonderful, but the way you treat each other on a daily basis in the most mundane of circumstances is where so many small arguments and differences grow into outright fights and resentments. 

Larry and I were denied for so long even the tiniest recognition of our relationship by law, that seeing legally married people seemingly throw that precious commitment away so easily seemed a sin. So yes Trina, we here are indeed blessed with the knowledge that our love for our spouses never died or was discarded - in fact it never ended at all, nor will it ever. If only we could help struggling couples realize how lucky they are while together, but there are some lessons in life that one learns the hard way.

Every time someone here in our family shares another story, photo, or insight, I come away stronger, calmer, and mostly more grateful for finding this special place of healing and support. I close my posts the same way every time simply because it is how I feel about you all, so be well and I send a big hug to everybody - 

Love, Chuck 


Comment by Steve G. on February 17, 2022 at 4:46pm

Great to hear from everyone!  8 years have passed since Mark's passing, and I must add that on some days it seems like yesterday.  Those times have subsided, but it does not change or lesson the loss.  Time does help heal but it does not ever loose it's sting of that loss.  We move forward at a different pace than before and different to anyone else that has suffered a loss.  That is the thread that binds us all on this site, we all have a go to place when the sting hurts and take the time to share where they are and what they are feeling.  So grateful for each and every one of you.  I shudder to think what these last years would have been like had I not found you all.

Thank you and hugs to all.

Steve G.


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