Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on January 11, 2020 at 6:48pm

Well my friends I'm convinced I have a black cloud over my head that just won't go away.  Firstly, warnings of high winds and a lot of snow.  Also -11 temps.  Ouch!  The young man who shovels my driveway is sick so I guess I'll have to beg a neighbor. 

Dinner is off because of the impending snow.  My one girlfriend had to drive into Vancouver because a friend of hers was ill, but was still going to go to dinner.  From the restaurant we were going to it's still quite a drive for her and I didn't want her to get caught it what the weatherman calls a blizzard.  She said she would drop off my gift and if the snow hasn't hit at 8 PM as they said she will stay a bit.

My other girlfriend's boyfriend has to get shots in his knee and had one today and isn't feeling well.  Thankfully she lives next door, but just called to say her 105 year old aunt is passing away.  She is still coming over though for a little bit.

My sister-in-law hasn't called and I hope she does come, but it's quite the drive so don't want her to get caught in the snow.  What a day! 

No snow all winter and the first snowfall was on my birthday.  Hello God!  You playing around!  LOL  Generally I love the snow, but now that Ernie is gone I'm hard pressed to get anyone to shovel my driveway off and I just can't do it. 

Right now the wind is picking up and the skies are clouding up although it was a sunny day, but freezing out. 

I went to Safeway to stock up on food and water and the store was jammed.  I spent 20 minutes helping some of the elderly in walkers or wheel chairs trying to reach the higher things (why do stores do that?)  Got home and thankfully did my housework last night, but the rest can stay as is because I don't know who is coming or not and it could end up being me and the dogs.  LOL. 

Kathy and I have decided to go to the restaurant to celebrate my birthday in February.  Hopefully my other girlfriend can make it.  So weird all of this.  I am a bit depressed over it all, but it's important to do what you have to do and both of my friends need to be where they should be.

I live 27 miles outside Vancouver, B.C., and generally the snow stays on the mountains.  Even the mountains have record snowfalls and avalanches.  Lately the snow has started to come into the city and burbs.  Vancouver Islands get the worst of it as they are on the coast and everything is open.  Sure hope the electricity doesn't go off as predicted.

Thanks for listening.  Feeling a little punk about things.  Oh well, nature rules. 

Comment by Marsha H on January 11, 2020 at 6:33pm

Mary Jane ...  Thanks for the Birthday wishes and they sure are appreciated.  I got lots of phone calls, cards and can't complain, but getting to the age I'd rather forget it.  LOL

Comment by Marsha H on January 11, 2020 at 6:32pm

DJ ...  I know what you mean and I've had naps after doing a lot of work around the house so don't feel bad.  Thanks so much for the birthday wishes and I appreciate it.

Comment by Marsha H on January 11, 2020 at 6:30pm

My dear Chuck ...  Thank you for the Happy Birthday.  I'm older than dirt!  LOL 

Love ya


Comment by Charles E. Nelson on January 11, 2020 at 11:58am

Dear Marsha,

A belated and from the heart Happy Birthday! I join everyone in hoping that your delayed celebration with friends is wonderful, tons of fun, and safe! XOXOXO


Comment by DJ on January 11, 2020 at 11:32am

Happy (belated) birthday Marsha!  I was planning to send wishes yesterday, but I was on my hands and knees all day working on my daughter's HVAC in her attic; I was so pooped when I got home I fell asleep.

Comment by Mary. Jane on January 11, 2020 at 10:28am

Ohhhh Happy Birthday Marsha! I hope your belated celebration is SPECTACULAR'! 

Comment by Marsha H on January 11, 2020 at 4:33am

Sara ...  I often feel the universe is toying with me as well.  My b/d was Jan. 10th and after months of constant rain it snowed right on my birthday!  I am hoping it's the last of it as my girlfriends want to take me out for dinner, drinks and some good laughs.  Raining now so hope it keeps up.

If you are close to the coworker this still does not mean you have to go to the wake, but you could send flowers to the home and a sympathy card.  I am sure she would understand and she will have her mind on her mom's passing so doubt she'll realize who came and who didn't.  If it bothers you by not going then go for a short while and talk to your coworker and leave.  There is no set time when a person can leave a wake.



Comment by Mary. Jane on January 10, 2020 at 2:09pm really don’t have to attend the wake. Under the circumstances, this being a difficult day anyway..I am sure your co-worker will understand. She might not even notice your absence...If she doesn,t understand NOW, she will later, as the shock of loosing her mother wears off...and she will accept this was possibly the VERY WORSE day for you to attend.  Unless she is a close friend, and  your dynamics are complicated. If you are NOT close, do what YOU feel is best for YOU! I wish u an easy choice, but I urge you to do whatever u decide, do it for YOU! You need to start putting  YOUR needs first! I wish u well.

Comment by Sara Murphy on January 10, 2020 at 1:50pm
The universe is toying with me now. Not only did I have a meeting moved to Monday, but now have to attend a wake on Monday for a co-worker who lost her mother yesterday. I really will have to put the date out of my mind to get through that one.

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