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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Ana Rose on February 13, 2010 at 4:14am
My husband and I had a very unique love story. It's so unique that I haven't even heard of a similar one in movies or anywhere else. We got married in August 23, 2009. We decided to expand our family so we mutually agreed to have more kids right away. We bought a house together, van, etc. On our way, getting ready, to live a loving, healthy and happy family life together. January 14, 2010, I waited for him outside the building of my work because he was supposed to pick me up. He always did. I even complained what's the point of having my own license if I can't drive. He never came so I had my mom picked me up from work and dropped me home. I got inside our home and my husband was in the stairs lifeless. He died from heart attack. He was only 39 years old. I felt so confused, shocked, hurt. He was full of life. He was the humurous type, the trouble maker, the annoying kind. I thought I'm open-minded than most and that I've accepted his death. I thought I understood why he had to go. I thought there are reasons why he had to go. But yesterday I had another breakdown at work. It doesn't help that my hormones from pregnancy are all over the place either. I'm having another sleepless night. I don't cry as much anymore but I keep having those "unconscious state", just staring at the horizon, blank mind, numb feelings. I had to keep reminding myself that I need to take care of myself especially for his unborn daughter. I received nasty text messages from one his friend. Accusing me of not loving my husband and I was the cause of his death, etc. It bothered me for a minute then that numbness feeling took over again. It's like no negative words that anyone would say could wake me up from this dream. I came home that day before 3pm and found him dead. I talked to him at 12noon from work during my break. He was as funny and as lively as he always was. Telling me to come home because he made chili for me. He knew I dislike chili and yet he was so proud of his cooking. We said I love you and see you soon to each other, like we always do. I think it's too soon that's why I still feel so lost. I'm just scared that it would hit me one day when I least expect it and break me down. I pray everyday and ask my husband too for more strength. I'm looking forward to seeing his baby face to face in June. He's coming back. At least half of him is.
Comment by Bonnie Labelle on February 12, 2010 at 5:38pm
I lost my husband to a train accident almost 2 yrs ago now I know its hard to rely on family and friends they all have their own lives so i turned to my computer and looked within myself and decided to like my own company I go for walks do a little shopping but the thing that has helped me thru it i think is my business and my fellow employees My dogs have also filled the void I cry at least once a week now and I give myself permission to do that then i get on with the day All this has helped me a great deal




Bonnie Labelle
Comment by kathleen caylor on February 12, 2010 at 4:46pm
I't will be 5 months tomorrow.I think it's sensory deprivation.No touching,seeing,hearing,tasting or smelling.I feel like a fish that has been gutted.Just the shell of a human being left.All that's left is the pain.I'm tired of crying.
Comment by kathy arocho on February 12, 2010 at 12:38pm
I lost my soulmate Nov 14th 2009, so Valentine Day will be hard because it is 3 months since he died. A lot of us are experiencing the same feelings as we face each new day. We are hurting over the loss and wonder who will worry over us,eating our meals alone at night wondering if we did all that we could do when they died.Did we know that it was their last day? I'm sure we did not. My husband still was able to get up to brush his teeth but I think when he saw his appearance he gave up. He was overcoming many crises and won them all. The social worker just left that morning and reminded me (I thought he was sleeping) that his body had to get used to the meds that was why he was sleeping.He was really in a coma.His face and lips just blew up on his last day and I constantly see his face on his last day.I was racing to find some answers while I called the hospice nurse. I was alone until I tried getting his sons home. One son was not around much because he didn't like being poor as a teenager and felt my husband wasn't around for him (my husband had a business that he lost) But he showed up for the funeral and greeted the family etc.A week before Christmas after much discussion how the past is the past we decided to be family again.Well he disappeared into the night so now I'm experiencing another loss.I'm still waiting for hospice beavement group to start but found solace in help from this group.May be peace with us.
Comment by Glenda F. Camp on February 11, 2010 at 11:24pm
I agree completely with Lois. The only way out of the awful pain of loss is to get all the way into it. Now that is by no means an easy task. Sometimes it helps me to remind myself that what I am feeling now is possible because I was able to love and be loved so completely.
Comment by KarenV on February 11, 2010 at 7:55pm
Good days, bad days is there ever a day when you won't cry? A song comes on the radio I cry, a smell I cry, a memory I cry. Watching all the people I work with celebrate valentine's day and knowing I won't have anybody to hug or kiss. I don't care about the stuff just the hugs. He was the best at giving hugs, big bear hugs, always made you feel safe, and that what ever had happened everything would be ok. I want to feel like everything is going to be ok again!
Comment by ellen on February 11, 2010 at 4:15pm
I feel like I am getting worse. My husband died 12/15/2009 and its not getting better. I am probably over the shock because it was sudden and now I am into the real grief. I hate to keep talking about him to other people because I don't want to seem like an imposition and they probably get tired of hearing it. I am 48 and feel like my life is over. He was my whole world and now I have to try to deal with it alone. Ikeep praying that I will feel better and I go to counceling so hopefully that will help. thanks for listening
Comment by Jeanette Kilpatrick on February 10, 2010 at 11:25pm
I lost my husband of 60 years last May. I was in a daze for the first couple of months and then I came out of it. my daughter had to take me to do the things that needed to be done. She took care of me and then I knew I had to come back to our home. I had to start living. He had told me before he died that he wanted me to do that, so i'm trying. I still cry and I will always miss and love him but I'm trying to help others in my own way. This is helping me more than them. I trust in God to lead me the way He wants me to go. I have my husband's picture on the wall beside my bed and I talk to him and tell him that I love and miss him. I still wear my rings and always will. We always knew one of us would be left alone and it is better for it to be me than him. All things work together for good to them that love the Lord. I will make it and so will you. Good luck and blessings.
Comment by Charles on February 9, 2010 at 5:35pm
Liz
Never, never feel bad for going on with life.I now know that I dont have to grieve and cry to prove my love.Its here in my heart.
You can never replace the love you had with Shawn but you can move on and have love in many different ways.
I remember my love and I talking and crying together because we knew that one of us would have to face the day that the other would be gone.I am here now.
I want to love I want to be happy.I will take her with me where ever I go.
I said before. Because of that wonderful woman I know how to love and I can make the right woman happy.The right woman.
Liz, find love and give it.
My love told me one time.You cannot protect yourself from pain and grief by not loving me so you may as well get on board.Im so glad I loved that lady.
Comment by Liz on February 9, 2010 at 5:16pm
Charles,
Your words touched me.. I am by far probably one of the younger ones of this group. I am 29. My husband died last January- 6 days before my birthday. I woke up and found him dead on my floor... no real warning.. he was sick with what we thought was the stomach flu... we didnt talk about death bc we were 27- going on 28 and thought we had forever to talk about that. We would have been married 5 years this past summer and have 2 kids- one now 3 and the other now 2... in the beginning, i remember feeling like the world was over and I had no hope or drive... I was sad and just hated god... I still am not too fond of god as I have gone through hell in the past year... but the hatred is gone...
i had so much guilt in the beginning bc i beat myself up for not forcing him to go to the hospital... for surviving the stomach bug we all had that weekend... for being healthier.. for everything.. but with time, i forced myself to move on... and now i feel bad bc i get looks of why am i not grieving still or people have stopped talking to me bc they dont know what to say...
Shawn was the love of my life.. he was soulmate... yes, i will love again..as I am only 29... and i have a long life to live.. but Shawn was my life.. it still hurts to breathe and live without him and probably always will.. i am not who i was and i do not want to be anymore... for a while i felt bad for feeling as i do and for growing bc so many people dont want to see you move on at points... but thats their problems not mine...
 

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