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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1373
Latest Conversations: Jan 20

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on January 10, 2020 at 3:31am

Sara ... I am so happy you got some peace from  my poem.  As I said to Diane C, wrote that long before Ernie passed away and it's as if the words were from a higher power and I had to write it down.  I believe with all my heart our spouses are with us and each step forward we make I am sure they are smiling at us.  You will do just fine at work.  What I have taught myself is the fact there is always an exit and by that I mean if you should get teary-eyed you can always go to the washroom and calm yourself, but trust us when we say it will get easier for you.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on January 10, 2020 at 3:28am

Diane C ...  Always wonderful to see you post and both of us have had the loss for 9 years.  Thank you so much for the lovely compliment regarding my poem.  I have no idea why I wrote it as it was long before Ernie passed away, but I was just sitting one evening and it came to me as if the words were meant to be written down from a high power.  Strange how wonderful things can happen to us when we least expect it.  I am so proud of you for getting on with your life and I know just how tough it can be, but each year does get a little better.  I hope I don't turn into a cranky old lady.  LOL 

Hugs

Marsha 

Comment by Mary. Jane on January 9, 2020 at 6:40pm

Thank you so much, Steve. I am sorry if it brought back sad memories, but THAT story, more than anything I have ever read or heard about a life “after” broke down any doubts  I ever had about seeing our loved ones, and even pets as we cross over. To me, Her JOY in seeing Mark, who was WAITING for her...and the fact that YOU were privileged to witness something that we here on earth, rarely see, is a true blessing. 

People can ramble on and on about what they THINK or FEEL about what happens after...and religions  try to indoctrinate us, by ideas sanctioned without proof...but animals  cannot lie, or make things their actions....she  just expressed  love and JOY at the moment she entered her new life, at finding someone she loves waiting for her. I think that was a gift from God, for YOU...a glimpse into knowing Mark was happy, and and Bella would be too...thank you so much for sharing that gift with us again. 

Comment by Steve G. on January 9, 2020 at 4:53pm

Mary Jane,

I posted that story last May in response to a post who  had lost their dog below is a portion of that post:

" I know your loss all to well, reading your post brought all my memories of that one evening when I lost my Bella. It was late in the evening when I noticed that she had not eaten or taken water during the day while I was at work. When I got home she got up and wanted to go out, so we did, but she turned around and headed back for the apartment. She laid down looking up at me and wagging her tale. I went for treats and she ate one and left the other one. It was later on that evening while watching TV she tried to get up and could not. I thought about calling for help to get her into the car and as I was passing that thought through my head, I noticed that she was starring out the glass doors to our little walled in patio wagging her tail all the while. She suddenly sat up using her front legs and started winning wagging her tail faster, looking out at the dark patio and then back at me. I knew at that moment she was waiting on me to do or say something. I opened the doors and she just tilted her head at me and laid back down. I went over to her and sat down, she put her big paw in my hand and looked at me. So, I laid down beside her on the floor petting her head and telling her it was ok, she could leave me now and join Mark. I fell asleep on the floor only to wake up and discover that she had passed on, she and Mark were together again."

Hugs

Steve

Comment by Sara Murphy on January 9, 2020 at 12:01pm
Thanks Diane. I just saw your comment. What I love about this site is the understanding everyone has. The first couple years I would go through all the sympathy cards and notes I received but like you, I don't want to keep putting myself through that. I know my friends/family wouldn't understand the way my Legacy family does. They don't realize it's a big step to work Monday and have it be like any other Monday. Knowing that you felt the same is helpful.
Comment by Sara Murphy on January 9, 2020 at 11:51am
Thanks everyone. The guilt of living is not as overwhelming as it once was but there are still days or events that get to me. For instance, I'm going away for a girls weekend next weekend and don't feel guilty about that at all but working Monday doesn't exactly feel right. I think Ken weighed in however because a meeting that was scheduled for today was re-scheduled to Monday. I like to think that's his way of saying it's ok.

Chuck...I totally believe your unseen angels were with you with their calming presence during Steve's surgery and probably many other times. I also fully believe that Larry and Mark worked their magic from beyond to lead you and Steve to each other. There's gonna be a party in heaven once the 4 of you are together (hopefully not for quite a while). I'll think of you when I feel that tickle in my palm on Monday.

Marsha...I love that poem. I may have to print it and add it to my collection of poems that I'll read from time to time for added strength.

Mary Jane...I feel lucky that I can feel Ken around me, some days stronger than others. If I didn't know he was here with me or that we'd be together again, then I'm not sure if I would have made it this far. What helps me a lot is to think of roles being reversed, if I were gone and he were here, I would definitely want him to live. He loved life so I wouldn't be honoring his memory if I didn't live mine. That's the thought I'll keep in mind on Monday.

Todd....I remember we joined at around the same time. I'll be thinking of you as your anniversary approaches. I hope you're doing well.

Love you all
Sara
Comment by Diane C on January 9, 2020 at 11:31am
Beautiful poem Marsha. Certainly from the heart. Thank you for sharing it with us!!

Love you!
Comment by Diane C on January 9, 2020 at 11:30am
Hi Sara,
That is a hard decision to make. It will be 9 years for me in Aug. that Rich passed away. Marsha and I are in the same time frame. I also took off Rich's anniversary dates and his birthday. On these dates, I would reread the journal I kept during the year of his illness from the very beginning of our journey to the very end. After a couple years, I had to put the journal to rest. It was terribly painful to keep putting myself through that. Then a couple years ago I decided not to take the days off work anymore. It went ok, I survived it just fine. As others have said, Ken will always be with you. And he completely understands that you need to move on and live, we can not function if we stand still and stay frozen in time. Good luck to you and just take it one step at a time.

Hugs to you,
Diane
Comment by Mary. Jane on January 9, 2020 at 10:54am

For Chuck or/and Steve..I have a request. Awhile ago, one of you shared an incident from the past, when your DOG saw your loved one after he had passed (it might have been through a patio glass door? ..and barked JOYFULLY with love and excitement..I cannot remember who posted it, or if it was Bella, but to me, that was the most awesome, wonderful affirmation  they are still with us. I have searched a bit...and didn,t see that post..maybe I have everything wrong...but to me, that was the catalyst that affirmed everything I feel...they ARE still with us, and will always be, until we join them. 

Comment by Marsha H on January 9, 2020 at 4:18am

Dear Sara ...  You are doing nothing wrong and, in fact, believe it or not you are trying to make a new life and move on.  You will never leave Ken behind because he is around you and in your heart.  He would be happy you are moving on and can you imagine if you kept feeling so guilty you couldn't move ahead how Ken would feel?  It is 9 years this coming April, Ernie passed away and I have worked hard to try and live my own life as best I can, but he is in my heart; I often will talk to him about my day (of course in the privacy of my home. ) LOL

  Here is a poem I did and I hope it helps.

WHITE LIGHT AND ANGELS

THERE IS A LIGHT THAT BECKONS ME

MY PAIN IS GONE, MY SOUL IS FREE.

ON ANGELS WINGS I SOAR ABOUT,

TO LAND ON FIELDS OF FLOWERS I LOVE.

A GENTLE WIND HAS TOUCHED MY FACE,

TREES BEND THEIR BOUGHS IN ALL THEIR GRACE.

I SENSE YOUR SORROW, FEEL YOUR TEARS,

I WON'T FORGET, YOU'RE ALWAYS NEAR.

DON'T CRY FOR ME BECAUSE I'M GONE,

I LOVE YOU SO, BE STRONG, GO ON.

IN TIME THAT LIGHT WILL BECKON THEE,

YOUR PAIN IS GONE, YOUR SOUL IS FREE.

ON ANGELS WINGS WE'LL SOAR ABOVE,

I'LL CRADLE YOU IN ARMS OF LOVE.

DON'T CRY FOR ME BECAUSE I'M GONE,

WE'LL MEET AGAIN YOU MUST BE STRONG.

BY MARCY MADAY  COPYRIGHT JULY 9, 1998

 

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