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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

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Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on June 21, 2010 at 10:13am
To Kathy and to all, No one except here on this site will ever understand our grief and sadness. My wife's sister and her husband are coming here from Vegas in 2 weeks for their family reunion and I DREAD it. I want to be left alone also. I AM STILL GRIEVING ! To do the things without my wife is pointless to me. To eat out,visit,whatever,I will not torture myself doing it alone. Like most of us know,our soulmate,friend,companion,best friend,pal,wont be with us anymore. Why cant they understand it? Doing these special things at special times ,alone, I wont do it. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.
Comment by Mary on June 21, 2010 at 9:57am
Hi Kathy,
Father's Day was very hard. I am at the 4 month mark since I lost my husband Jim. His birthday was last Sunday and then, of couse yesterday was Father's Day. All of his children and mine (our children) were here for his birthday and we had a cookout. It was hectic, but I got through it ok. My daughter did the cancer relay for life, the weekend of his birthday and because she lives out of town she was here all week. She left on Friday. I've noticed that when she is here and then leaves I am very sad and cry alot. It is not because she has left, but because I feel like I have to show a different front when I am around others, so it hits me hard when I am finally alone.

And that is how i spent fathers day, alone and no one called. I am better today. but as I sit here, I keep thinking, this is how it is going to be. Nothing is going to change, no reruns, no second chances. No one who hasn't lost a spouse could ever understand the grief of losing your best friend and soul mate and there is nothing you can do, or change, about it. So depressing.
Hugs, Mary
Comment by Sage on June 21, 2010 at 9:30am
Hi Kathy -

Yes I was sad on Fathers Day too and held back tears all day.. Friends and family mean well when they invite us over or want to come and spend time with us.. Their hearts are in the right place but because they haven't gone through the loss of a spouse they just don't understand.. Their words and invitations still do not make them wrong if you know what I mean..

My husband and I did a lot of fishing and hunting together.. I will miss these times and I don't feel right about going fishing by myself.. Its like you just never see women doing this.. So - I called a daughter and I also called my son - we got together and went fishing in mine and my husbands favorite fishing hole :) The fishing was terrible but it was nice that my children spent this time with me at this special place.. So thats what I wound up doing on Fathers Day because if I didn't i'd be here crying my eyes out and this isn't what my husband would want for me..

But again Kathy - don't be upset or offended if your sister wants to see you move on - it's just her way of saying that she hates seeing you sad and she just wants to see you have some happy moments again.. She loves you and she cares - if she didn't she would be ignoring the saddness she sees you in.. Take care of your self and blessings to you..

~Sage~
Comment by Deb on June 20, 2010 at 11:00pm
Hi everyone. One year ago today God called my Junior home. Today has been a very hard day! I miss my Junior so very much...he was my love, the center of my world. At times it seems as if he has been gone for years, but again at times it seems as if it has only been days! I had a visit from the hospice Chaplain this past Thursday. Said he wanted me to know that they have me in their prayers and know that I had an "anniversary" coming up. He, as well as the hospice nurses, aides, and workers have been such a blessing to me this entire past year. I want everyone to know how very much I appreciate each of you for being here, and know that I pray for God's peace and blessings for each of us!! Please keep me in your prayers. Have a great week all!!
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on June 20, 2010 at 10:53pm
Today is not too good.After15 months since my wife died, my unborn great grandson will probably aborted next Tuesday due to a major problem. The seeds my grandson planted in my wifes memory didnt take. He planted "forget me nots" and "daisies", to give her a daisy a day. Hugs to everyone. Hugs are good.
Comment by kathleen caylor on June 20, 2010 at 6:55pm
pippa,the shock has worn off and the unbearable pain has set in.Sorry you have to go through this awful thing called grieving.It has been 9 months for me and I must say I am starting to see a ray of sunshine and I do function a little better.But you will notice,we all progress at different times.So don't expect too much too soon!Best wishes and find some peace.
Comment by pippa on June 20, 2010 at 12:39pm
..yesterday was Liza's second memorial service. Her mother had it held in southern NJ where Liza was from.
It has been a month since she died and I feel like all the numbness surrounding her death has worn away now to be replaced with constant pain. Pain that runs the gamut of a constant gnawing at my heart to the feeling of a 500 pound weight on my chest, pain that rips me from end to end as I contemplate my life, the rest of which is to be lived without her. My only connection to Liza right now is my clear knowledge as to how she would want-and expect- me to deal with this.
she would want me to honor her memory- the legacy of her fierce fight to stay alive-by showing strength and resolve and making her proud. But I built my whole life around her and now I've lost my center of gravity, my heart, the sense of anything really mattering at all.
The house is silent, my life is empty. I am going through the motions in hope that it will take-build muscle memory if you will-so that at some point down the road, living my life will come naturally again, rather than now just being a conduit for pain.
Every week so far, I have believed I have seen, felt experienced the worst and I'm making some headway in clawing my way out of my pit of despair, only to realize, come morning, I have fallen back in but somehow, have fallen even further and I am in a worse place with a deeper and more pervasive pain than before.
is this what they mean by hell on earth? it feels like it. I miss her so much. I can't believe I will be living the rest of my life without her by my side.
Comment by kathleen caylor on June 20, 2010 at 7:30am
I'll be thinking of all the fathers that are with us and especially and the ones that aren't.Always in my heart!!!
Comment by Debbie Morey on June 19, 2010 at 5:20pm
Hi, I never spoken here before, but i've been here a few times. My name is Debbie and I lost my husband 0f almost 26 years. He passed away nov. 22nd of 09. It's been almost 7 months. He was diagonoised with lung cancer in oct. of 09 and died in nov.of 09. He went quick and I had No time at all to say goodbye to him and tell him how I always felt about him. I work but I have a hard time just to make it through the day,then I go home to a empty , lonely house. I miss my Husband and I miss Our Life. I feel like my heart was torn right out of my chest, and I go through the day in a zombie state. My family and friends think I'm improving but I am dying inside.... I'm not happy with the life I have now, but I don't know what to do....
Comment by Virginia on June 19, 2010 at 11:06am
Hello everyone. I will be leaving for vacation tommorow.I'm going to the beautiful mountians in north carolina, we are going to the Ashville area but up in the mnts. to see all of gods wonders we have been two times before, this is the first without Mike and I'm having mixed feelings but I just keep having this erge to go. I did last summer too but it was way to close to loosing him, we both loved it there even though mike said it was to far from the ocean he loved the ocean, but I just have such a strong feeling that I need to go back, so we will be leaving around 4 a m lol thats me I always have to leave early and get on the road ( we are driving ) and with a 16 month old not sure how thats going to go lol lol I've told him not to make me throw him off the mountian top as he is teething very bad lol lol just kidding now my niece has strep throat so we will see, I might catch a greyhound back up the road lol. One thing I'm not looking forward to is not being able to come to this site everyday as I sit here thinking about it and crying like a baby lol this site and all of you have been a godsent to me even though I think I'm getting better in the process I still come here first thing in the A M and have my coffee and read the post and write if I feel like it, so I will miss you all this week but will have a lot of reading when I get back. I wish you all peace and comfort and will say a prayer for all of us while on the mountians as ( Laura on the little house on the prerie thought the closer you are to god he will listen lol ) we are going to Chimney Rock N C if you want to look it up on the p c. and you will see what I mean lol it is way high and beautifull Mike was afraid of hieghts and I made him let me take pics. of him on top at the flag lol. we will also be going to grandfathers mnt. and brisen city for a 4 and 1/2 train ride thru the mnt. this we haven't done before then to see the water falls and sliding rock in the pisgah mnts. Maybe I will get my niece to put pics. up when we get back. I truely am going to miss being here but I'll be back, lots of love and comfort to you all. Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads of all kind ( pets ) and I hope all the mothers find some comfort with your familys, love to all. Virginia
 

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