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Comment by Brigitte on November 20, 2009 at 3:06pm

My best friend, soul mate and husband died on July 17, 2009 from complications due to end stage Parkinson's disease. He had just turned 62 and we celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary. Douglas was diagnosed with Parkinson's when he was 38 -- we had been married two years. He was and is the love of my life. I miss him so very much and with the holidays upon me I am dreading them like never before. Douglas was under Hospice care for the last 10 days of his life. On the day he died I had to have him transported to the Hospice center from home because he was no longer able to swallow the morphine. To watch a beautiful person slip away like that and not being able to stop it is without a doubt the most difficult thing I have ever had to endure. Someone asked me how I would describe the pain -- "it is like going to the dentist and having a shot to numb the area -- after that numbness wears off the pain begins" -- and I am deep in the middle of pain. Crying does help, and screaming into my pillow has given me some joy! Before Douglas died I told him that he would always be my hero and guardian angel. Everytime I see a feather I know he is with me -- and I have seen a lot of feathers since July 17, 2009. That gives me great comfort. I know what each of you is feeling. As we struggle to discover our "new" normal because our "old" normal has been forever changed, may we always be able to share our story, our words of encouragement, and our love for each other as well as our spouses. They would have wanted that! In peace, Brigitte

Comment by judy on November 20, 2009 at 1:01pm

My dear, sweet husband, richard died feb. 10,2009.My depression is worse than ever, and I really dont know if i am going to live through this. I wish i had died, rich could have handled this better.I miss him so very much! judy latty

Comment by Sheryl on November 19, 2009 at 8:13am

I lost my husband Nov 2, 2009 at home. He suffered 3 1/2 yrs with Pancriatic Cancer. Surgery and an early diagnosis gave him the extra time, but the last yr. was the hardest. I have been in denial that I would loose him, and now it is really tough. Going back to work this week was harder than I thought, it is like the grieving started at day 1 again. I can relate to sherry eagen with her husbands loss. All the paper work associated really aggitates me, although my husband really thought ahead and tried to do all he could to prevent extra work for me. He was the love of my life for 39 yrs., we met when I was 16 and he was 17. He served in the Marines for 3 yrs., Vietnam vet and father of 3. How do I find out who I am now, and how do I go from here. We did everything together.

Comment by Alberta L Priest on November 19, 2009 at 12:44am

I lost my husband on 10/20/09 of lung cancer i miss him very much i have a hard time cooking for one because he cooked for the both of us Geema 325

Comment by Pam Freeman on November 18, 2009 at 9:11am

I am new to this group, but have been grieving the love of my life for just over two years. He left this world of pain on November 4, 2007, two days before my birthday. He died of complications of MRSA, which had slowly shut down his organs. He received an LVAD (Left Ventricular Assist Device) in 2006, which did the work of the left side of his heart. That miracle gave us an additional 18 months together, which I treasure and am eternally grateful for, but it was so difficult to watch the MRSA slowly kill him. I am still grieving terribly. I have shut a lot of people out because of hurtful but well-meaning comments. I don't think I will ever marry again. My man, fondly referred to as my "hunka burnin' love" was my forever love, and I am still struggling to find my identity without him, feeling ripped open and torn in half. I feel so badly for those of you who have just lost your mate. The first year I was numb and robotic. The second year was when the pain of my loss really set in. As I face the next year, I have hope that the grief will lift a little more, and I can begin to see life after this horrific loss.

Comment by sherry eagen on November 17, 2009 at 7:01pm

My husband passed away Nov. 7th, 2009. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer Oct. 8th, 2009. He was at home when he died and I was his caretaker. I seem to be doing ok, but then a thought of him comes into my head, or I touch something that was his, and I start crying again. How long will this last...

Comment by Kathy on November 17, 2009 at 10:51am

I'm new here. Removed my husband from life support two years ago today and he passed away on November 19, 2007. Reliving the pain again and having a hard time.

Comment by Linda McMurtrey on November 16, 2009 at 1:52am

Lost my husband on 10/9. I am still numb & having a hard time getting by, day by day.

Comment by hazel dickerson on November 15, 2009 at 4:20pm

I lost my husband Suddenly November30th o8 to Cardiac arrest he died in front of myself and two of our sons it is almost a year without him and people tell me that the grieving process get better but to me it does not get any better and the loneliness seems to get even worse I came over here from Liverpool England to join my husband who was stationed at Croughton AFB in England i moved over her in the 70s but since he is no longer with us i feel so lost I do go to bereavement groups and find some comfort from going i was glad to read some of the other letters as you feel as though you are going out of your mind sometimes sudden death is the worst thing you can imagine.

Comment by Ericka Bryant on November 9, 2009 at 10:25am

To Bernadette: I know what you mean about not wanting to be here any more, but life does go on and you'll start to find a new normal. It won't ever be the same, and your husband's death is a part of your life now. Allow your friends and family to do things for you, and lean on them for support and comfort. No, it's not the same thing, but it is better than nothing. Call up a friend you can trust and have them come over or meet them for tea or something. Talk about what you need to talk about. Let the tears flow. It's all part of the healing process. Big hugs to you!

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