Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Yvonne on May 4, 2010 at 10:45am
Marlena, I don't know how the law works where you are from, but being Tom's spouse are you not the executor or administrator of his estate. That entitles you to sign papers on his behalf does it not?
I think I know how you are feeling. Having the truck listed as repoed just doesn't sit right. There it is in black and white regarding the perfect credit score and this is to be left as a black mark. Not the way you want this to end. You and Tom worked so hard all your life to maintain your perfect credit rating and to have this happen is very upsetting. It just doesn't seem fair that they can do this. I guess my best advice is to listen to your lawyer and wait and see.
Take care Yvonne
Comment by Marlena on May 4, 2010 at 8:51am
I'm having a bureaucratic paperwork issue...does anyone have any suggestions? Recently I had to turn in Tom's truck. It was leased under a "Smartbuy" contract and it's time was up. I did call and ask about turning it in early (after Tom died), but the company wouldn't let me without it being considered reposessed, so I continued to pay on it for a year. I did everything I was supposed to...keeping up my end of the deal so that when it was turned in all my ducks were in a row. Now because he's not here to sign the title back to GMAC they are going to consider the truck "Repo On Paper". It's making me crazy. I've done everything I could to make sure everything was settled properly and they still are using the word repo. They insist it will not effect his credit or mine and the woman even commented on it having a perfect credit rating. I was told because the probate has not been completed they cannot do it any other way. I'm not sure who to believe. My lawyer is saying lets wait and see what the paperwork looks like before signing anything. I just did not want any of his things to be "repoed". I wanted everything to go smoothly....that's not happening. Has anyone else had similar issues?
Comment by Tom on May 4, 2010 at 8:43am
Am I sorrowful that Loni's not here anymore ?
Yes, of course I am. Loni lives on inside me, and I'm not going to be crying about that.
Comment by Connie on May 4, 2010 at 8:22am
Gladys, You need to not even listen to what people are telling you about going on with your life. You will grieve in your own time and do not need anyone to tell you how long that should be or whether or not you should be over it. I have to agree with Tom that when we married we became one with our spouse. No one or nothing can take that away. I will always consider myself married and I will not take off my wedding ring. You do what is right for you and don't care about what anyone else thinks.
Comment by Gladys on May 3, 2010 at 10:58pm
my spouse passed on June 29, 2009. Still grieving heavily...still trying to comprehend what happened...still wondering how people could be so cruel as to suggest I go on with my life...feeling empty inside...
Comment by Mary on May 3, 2010 at 8:17pm
Connie, When I filed my taxes my husband had already passed away, so my filing status was correct. My federal and state refund came back only in my name. However, my city refund for $12 came in both of our names. My bank let me deposit it to my account (my husband's name had already been removed from the account). They didn't even ask for his death certificate, but you might take it with you just in case you need it. Good luck!
Comment by Connie on May 3, 2010 at 6:30pm
Does anyone have any suggestions what I should do with a check from the IRS (only $4.95)? I had made a mistake on our 2008 tax form. About 2 months ago, the IRS sent me a letter telling me how much I owed them. I sent the check and because I sent it out right away, I was due $4.95 refund for the interest. Even though I wrote on the form that my husband was deceased, the IRS sent the refund check in both names. I don't know what to do!!!!!
Comment by Tom on May 3, 2010 at 4:14pm
I've run into that road block also, but I keep Loni's name open on our bank account, plus it's a small enough town that they remember Loni and I when we would go into the bank and always say hello to us when we do, or I do now. I had asked the lady at the bank that opened our account there when the bank first opened up for bussiness about Loni's college retirement fund and about how I would be able to deposit the check in her name after Loni had died. She said it would be no problem even if Loni's name was taken off the account. She knew of Loni having cancer from when we sat down with her opening up the checking account. It's what i like about living where I do. People remember you, and know your name. No one who met Loni would ever forget her anyway.
Comment by alaine dougherty on May 3, 2010 at 9:24am
i just joined this group. my husband of 33 years died very suddenly last july 24 while we were on vacation. he was one belt away from being a black belt and we had been ballroom dancing for the last ten years. i am 54 and have known my husband (michael) since i was 17. i know that we are all going to die someday, i just wasn't prepared for the "suddeness" of his death...i guess we are never really prepared for death anyway...we have a way of thinking that if we live healthy and do the right things then it won't happen. i am always reading about grief and talking or blogging so i can not feel so crazy as i take this journey that i never wanted to take. it helps me to know what is coming as far as the grief goes. i always have this shadow of sadness about me no matter what i do. one widow i met said that if will "soften" with time...i hope so...
Comment by sharon on May 2, 2010 at 10:07pm
I keep getting the calls asking to talk with my husband. I just started saying, sorry he is unable to come to the phone, can I take a message. It's usually no, we'll call back later or they say he filled out something the other day on the computer they were giving him a call on it. I don't think he filled out anything since he passed away? As far as the call back, they hang up on me. I am so tired of being a no body in the eyes of anyone calling. If I could get everything in his name I would but sometimes if you change they start all over, you have to put up despoits, his will just be gone so?? Some things I changed, some I never bothered to. What difference does it make anyhow? I pay all the bills now, always did write all the checks and signed my name on them.

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