Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


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Grief so great it hurts

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Comment by BoLynn on May 15, 2010 at 1:08am
So much sadness and grief in this world. A good friend just lost two of her grandfathers in two months, one just hours ago. Last month I lost two uncles to cancer within one week of each other. Diane, my condolences for the loss of your son.
Comment by Tom on May 14, 2010 at 10:35pm
My friend that I met on a color site that has helped me with my loss of loni so much, has lost her oldest son to suicide within the last 24 hours. I am praying for her and her son. She has helped me so much I can't begin to tell her how much it means to me to have someone that cares for a stranger, and every day made me laugh when it was so hard. I hope I can help her the same, in some fashion.
Diane, I am so sorry for your loss, Love Tom
Comment by Joan on May 14, 2010 at 9:03pm
To Kathy O: Your difficulty in sleeping is perfectly normal. You desire not to get out of bed, is also normal. In grieving, the body, mind and soul is sorely disrupted by the loss of a loved one. It's an amputation of sorts. George was there and then he's not. But keep in mind even though you don't want to get out of bed, you do. You recognize that you have a job and need it. You're still doing what you need to do while juggling your grief. I would suggest you speak to your doctor to see if there's more of a depression than a loss. But I also recommend you find a bevearement group to go to. You will see that what you are suffering is normal and you are not alone in how you feel. I hope you do this for yourself. I belong to two groups, and it helps me to grieve and to know why I feel the way I do. My Beloved died January 25, after a stroke, cancer, radiation and he died in hospice. We only had two years; a good one and a sick one, but just as beautiful as the first. Seek help and groups that can help you. And trust in the Lord. He weeps with you as He wept and suffered the way we do. Joan
Comment by Fred Dunn on May 14, 2010 at 9:02pm
To Kathy:
My wife passed on to God on May 31st 2007 and for the first week I could not sleep without waking up every hour or so and even then it was difficult to get back to sleep.
I am averaging about 4-5 hours of sleep still and only because I go to bed early but I always wake up several times every night and usually wind up finally getting up between 2:00am-3:00am and just drink some coffee and watch TV until it's time for me to shower and get ready for work. Luckily I have a very understanding employer (and go in 2 hours early) so I take a 2 hour lunch 1/2 hour eating and the other time taking a nap at my desk.
On the weekends it's no different but I can stay in bed and often try to catch up on my sleep or rest on the weekends. I can do that because I live alone now and am very much a recluse when I am home.
It's funny that I still wake up expecting Rose to be there and it takes a little while for reality to set in.
Like some I was already a caregiver to my wife before she passed on and was prescribed anti-anxiety meds along with anti-depressants, which my doc recently doubled.
I have lost 35 pounds since my wife passed and continue to lose weight, I have chronic headaches (always have) and they have gotten worse.
I don't think what you are going through is abnormal and you will find a method to deal with it over time.

God bless,
Fred Dunn
Comment by Helen Raulerson on May 14, 2010 at 7:47pm
To Kathy O. My husband died April 22, 2009, I still feel the same way you do. I also have trouble sleeping and do on occasion take a pill to help. My doctor is just great and suggested an antidepressant and although I hate the idea of taking anything, I am really amazed how it helps. I can now function pretty well. Not only did my husband die in April, in November my son died rather suddenly. But life does go on, there is really no choice. So all I can say is just hang on,things will eventually even out and you will be able to have him in a special part of your heart and lead a full life also.
Comment by kathleen caylor on May 14, 2010 at 6:46pm
Tom,I have a feeling you would!
Comment by kathleen caylor on May 14, 2010 at 6:30pm
Tom.Remember the alicia's of the world!This ornery old cuss isn't worth it .Just know you did your good deed and move on!
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on May 14, 2010 at 10:14am
To kathy obiedzinski and all members: Its been 13 months since my wife of 44 years died and I still have not gotten over it. She was my pal, I died when she did. I tried anti-depressors but had too many side effects from them. I wake up every night at the exact time that I had left the hospital after she died. I stay up late now so that,hopefully, I can sleep past that nightmarish timeline.Only thing I can say is, you and we are not alone in all of our sorrows and grief and aloneness. God bless us all and thank him for "allowing us to have this time together".
Comment by Peg Otley on May 14, 2010 at 10:05am
I would like to thank Steve Cain for creating this site. It has been most helpful in dealing with my loss. I read things that others write and wonder if I am the one who wrote it. So many letters in here are exactly what I am feeling and it is nice to know that it is normal afterall and I'm not just feeling sorry for myself. It is great...Thank you again. I am very happy I found it.
Comment by Connie on May 14, 2010 at 9:54am
Kathy, I never in my life had a sleeping problem until I lost my husband. Since then I am taking an anti-depressant and a sleeping pill and although with them I am doing a little better, there are still many nights that I cannot sleep at all. I clean cabinets at 3:30 a.m. I used to do cross-stitch and now I just can't pick it up. I have read many books on grieving and what we are experiencing is not unusual. I love my children and my grandchildren but I just wait for the day that I will be with him again. You need to do what works best for you. I needed help with sleeping but you need to decide what will help you.

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