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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: Apr 28

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Lori Chamberlain on May 8, 2010 at 11:58pm
My husband of 25 years passed away 2 years ago. We were blessed with 2 children, 19 & 21 at time of their father's death. He had been thru a long illness, but was able to participate in life after resting long periods of time. No one really knows what "normal" is, so I do not worry about getting back to normal.

I do feel badly that I was by his side for more than 10 years of his illness, but not the time of his death. My 19 yr old son was with him. When he was sooo scared, I was not there for him. Was that God's plan? Spare me and put my child thru this vision embedded in his mind??

I also am at home a lot, missing my husband, knowing I need to go for short walks in fresh air for my health..mind and body..please join me!!
Comment by Barb on May 8, 2010 at 11:36pm
Fred,
I do not know what is "normal" anymore. Monday it will be a month since my soulmate, my boyfriend Jeff, passed away in his sleep. He was 53 years old. I cannot stand being home alone. I walk through life like a zombie. Because of the financial situation I came into because of his death I had to start a new job, I was lucky that it is spring and our local hotel was hiring for the season, not sure what I would have done if I did not get this job. The work is familiar to me, I work front desk something I did for years before moving back to Michigan.

I go to work and put on a mask, but as soon as work is done I feel I am drifiting aimlessly. I try to find some normalcy in my life but it is near to impossible.

Jeff and I only had 17 months together, but we felt we were meant for each other. He came from an abusive marriage (his wife beat him and verbally abused him throughout their 20 year marriage) and he finally was beginning to move past some of the symptoms (it took me several months before I could touch his head without him flinching). He had problems, drinking being his worst, but he was a good man, he made me feel special and he appreciated everything I did for him.

Right now I am not only dealing with his death, still seeing his dead face in front of my eyes, still sleeping in the bed he died in. But also with his wife who has been harrassing me and financial issues.

I love Jeff more than words could ever express and I miss him so much. I cannot fathom moving on with my life at any point.
Comment by Fred Dunn on May 8, 2010 at 9:59pm
Is it normal to still grieve for your Eternal Soulmate and wife of 32 years after 3 years? I try to hide it from my co-workers although they have been very supportive but I don't want them to think I'm just a pity case. My wife passed into Gods hands during the night at home and when I woke up I tried to wake her up but noticed something wasn't right. I started giving her CPR but rigor was already setting in, despite that I continued until the EMTs got to the house and I had to ask them whether she was gone.

It is all still very sureal to me and I wake up still talking to her or wondering where she is. She was disabled for about 10 yrs prior to her passing but it continued to spiral down.
I find myself blaming myself as I was supposed to be taking care of her and can't get past that. I still wear my wedding ring and will not pursue any other relationships but I am now a recluse in my own home where I haven't changed a thing since she passed.
Comment by Dawn Conti on May 8, 2010 at 3:08pm
I too have lost my husband of 47 years four years ago. I had reconnected with an old friend in January after reading that his wife had passed away in November of 2009. We soon began dating and had considered marrying after an appropriate amount of time had passed. His family had not been receptive of him dating me. They thought I was the Other woman. Well, I now have lost him to a tragic fall and my heart is broken all over again. We knew each other for 30 years and only had l5 weeks before his tragic accident. I am lost and feel widowed all over again. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Dawn
Comment by Linda baldwin on May 8, 2010 at 4:57am
It has been almost seven years since my dear husband, and best friend Kevin past away, we were together 26 years, not a day has gone by that I don't miss him. Our sons are 25, and 30 now, and we have a little grandson that never got to meet his grandpa.
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on May 6, 2010 at 11:13pm
Mare...I know exactly who you feel. Its been a little over 12 months since my wife died . I had 44 years with this wonderful woman but wanted more. She was my pal. I cant give you any inspiration as my life is going just like yours. Just wanted you to know there are people out there who are going thru the same things. We will never be the same and hopefully we can go on finding our own way to be able to function. It will never be the same, i know, but perhaps we can cope better as time goes on. God bless.
Comment by kathleen caylor on May 6, 2010 at 12:13pm
The Alicia's of the world are my heroes!True acts of kindness without recognition!A kind word,opening the door,helping an old lady up the curb.Sweet!!!
Comment by Naomi Rennerfeldt on May 5, 2010 at 10:32pm
It has been 14 months since my husband was taken home to Heaven. We had been High School sweethearts and reconnected after 31 years. He was back in my life for a short lived time of only two and a half years. One year and six days of that time we were married. When I first lost him the painful feeling that I had was I wanted to join him. But I focused on my children and that helped me want to continue forward. I still have my moments when I grieve and get angry because I lost him. But when I realize that some day we will be together once again, I find peace knowing that....I love you Wayne and ALWAYS will!! I also miss you sooooo VERY much!!!
Comment by Kim Hawkins on May 5, 2010 at 9:36pm
I can't believe Barry has been gone 23 months today. I just want to wake up from this nightmare and have our old life back. My 16 and 6 year old need their dad here for them. I need the love of my life and best friend back. I still can not understand why he had to go. Somebody said the other day why does bad things happen to good people. I said I dont know. But maybe if only bad things happened to bad people the world would not be inpacked the way it is when it is a good person. Just a thought. Love you Barry and we miss you so much.
Comment by Connie on May 5, 2010 at 1:19pm
Mare, Firstly, I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 6 months ago. I understand how you feel and I can tell you that this website is the most helpful place I have found. All the people that I have communicated with on this site have been great. They are helpful and compassionate. We are all having pretty much the same feelings. And I have to tell you, Lois is ONE of my favorites. I wish you the very best.
 

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