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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Charles on January 28, 2010 at 7:11pm
Sue-Ellen
You will find people here that GET IT.All of us here have lost that love of our life.Some here lost their spouse suddenly, some like me lost my spouse from long term illness.WE all greive in our own ways.A lot of us here keep the memories of the illness and final days way to long.We all hope to find peace and joy remembering our loved one.
I was in the bed with my wife holding her as she took her final breath.Ive had a hard time getting over that because she was everything to me.
I think we all want to have the wonderful memories of them being healthy and laughing and the good days.Its difficult for a lot of us here.
Talk to us,, feel free to cry,.WE all understand here.WE have all been there.
Comment by Andrew Koehn on January 26, 2010 at 1:55pm
So...here I am. Joining this site and wondering how it's possible that I AM here. (Just like you all I'm sure.)

I started a blog last year to chronicle some of the lessons I learned both before my wife died...and since. It's called Thirty Seconds and it's been a godsend as far as therapy. (Right...like we need another self-absorbed blog out there...)

Anyhow...I posted something on my blog here. If you get a chance check it out and let me know what you think. Mostly I hope it inspires you...or gives you a little breather from the day-to-day...

Glad to be here...well...you know what I mean;)
Comment by Charles on January 25, 2010 at 8:29am
Kathleen,
Thats what I told our boys,,Look closely at your children, four girls and one boy,, Your mother lives on.We have left our legacy.I do know that has helped them some.
Doris was like your love Kathleen.People just wanted to be around her.She had a aura of goodness about her that drew people to her.No one ever talked to me they all came and spoke her.Ever her nurses and Doctors sensed that goodness about her.
When we first met I was a miserable unhappy person but her love and devotion made me such a better person.I will be forever in her debt just becaused she choose me to love.I believe that is one reason I am so broken hearted over losing her.As I look around our home we built together she is everywhere.Like you said, Its as tho she is here, I just cant see her or hear her.My how I miss that lady.Love does live on.
Comment by kathleen caylor on January 25, 2010 at 8:00am
I ,too found that song to be inspirational.I cried when I first heard it,then I realized how true it is.When I look at my children and grandchildren,I know that "Love does in fact live on!"Through our love and life together,our trials and tribulations,we in fact did create our legacy!We weren't famous or rich but we had something better.Even by writing on this page we are continuing to share our love.I love that I had him in my life,so many people were enriched by his presence,especially me.
Comment by Charles on January 25, 2010 at 7:25am
Yesterday being a lonely sunday I took a day trip.I could have gone to visit kids and grandkids but elected to go alone.
I was so lonely for my love I cried most of the day.We would hold hands as we traveled and we never turned the radio on because we always talked to each other.Every where I looked it reminded of me us together.I have no idea what my future holds but I know it will be filled with sadness,longing and grief for my love.
I heard a new song by Mallary Hope titled, Love lives on. Its says Im learning to live without you even tho I dont want to, And also even tho you are gone LOVE LIVES ON.
My days and nights are more grief filled now than ever.I know the older grievers say its gets better with time.I sure hope so.
Comment by Charles on January 22, 2010 at 9:22pm
Irene,
Thank you so much for telling the truth.Like you I have my loves pictures every where.When the sun comes up each morning the light hits one of her pictures and I know its her giving me my good morning kiss.
No matter what I am doing she is on my mind.This afternoon it hit me all over again that she is not here, I fell to my knees and just wept.We were together almost 25 years.We held hands while we slept.The last thing I would say to her at night was I am going to dream about you, I cant wait to see you in the morning.I stll have her walkers, wheel chairs, canes, ect.This was really like a nursing home.I so love taking care of her.Thats one reason I am so lost now.I always told her that on her worst day she was ten thousand time better than any one else for me.Please remember that she was always smiling.Going through hundreds of pictures of her from many years I found three where she was not smiling.She was really something.
Like you I have gone through my birth day, her birth day, thanks giving, xmas, new years.Feb 1 will be our anniversary.So far new years has the hardest because it was as tho I was leaving her behind.I dread this anniversary day so much.
Like you that one person that always wanted to see me, to talk to me is no longer here.Oh how I miss that.You are so right that she would never have wanted me to grieve this way.I told her many times to always remember me, but get on with your life.Meet someone new and be happy until we meet in heaven.I meant it to.She said the same to me.
Its funny you work at the humane society because Doris did the same as long as she could.We have a little land and every dog, bird knew to come here because Doris always had the food and love for them.Her obituary said in lew of flowers please donate to SPCA.So many people did.
I so hope in time we can smile, laugh and talk about these wonderful people that filled our lives with so much love and joy.Doris and I laughed and joked every day.Its just not me to be so sad and heart broke.
Like you said Irene.Its the late evening, the quiet, the going to bed alone that is so difficult.I reach for her all throught the night.I know every one here understands exactly what I mean.Thank you again.This is the only place I can express my feelings.
Comment by Charles on January 21, 2010 at 7:36pm
Irene,
I want to ask you if after ten months things are any eaiser for you?Be honest.Its been four months for me now and I hurt and ache and grieve more each day.At times I do feel as tho I am losing my mind as I just cannot believe she is not here with me.
What do you do to get through each day?
Are you able to remember the good times or are you still remembering the illness and the last days?
At times I do laugh at remembering something she said or did then the tears start again.Maybe thats a little progress.
I just miss her so much that I can hardly function from hour to hour.Can there be any joy or happiness once you lose that soul mate?Most people here lost that soul mate, that once in a lifetime love.Is ther life after all this pain and grief? Charles
Comment by Denise MacCallum on January 21, 2010 at 11:57am
My good friend is now holding a vigil over her husband who is dying of lung cancer...I lost my best friend this past October...He was diagnosed and only survived for 3 months...I can't believe that my friend will be going through the same pain and greif that I have been going and all of you for the past several months....Please keep my friend in your thoughts and prayers....
Denise
Comment by Carol on January 20, 2010 at 4:49pm
I just wanted to let you all know that it is finally nice to know there are people out there that understand my greif. Every word you write I understand and I feel your pain. I do not feel so alone Thank You Carol
Comment by Charles on January 19, 2010 at 8:46pm
The truth is that all couples will have to face giving the other up at some point.The love of my life passed away Oct 2009, she had been ill for some time.I well remember us talking about that one of us would have to give the other up at some time in life.We talked about what to do when one of us passed on.I remember we even cried together as we talked about one of us has to be left to grieve the passing of the other.She needed me so much because of her disabilities.I needed her for everything but I was also the healthy one.My love would have been in trouble without me because I did so much for her.As I look around our home at the walkers, wheelchairs, I do realize how much she relied on me.How wonderful if we could all live to be old together, be healthy together and die together.One of us has to be left and in our case its me.Im so lost not having that one person that loved me no matter what, that one person that always wanted to see me, to talk to me.
I to am so sorry that any of us has to go through this pain and grief but as they say.. Thats life.
We all have our memories, our faith that we will be together again to help us make the days and nights a little more bearable.
My oh my how I loved that lady and how I miss her.
Also how wonderful we can share these feelings with others here that understand. My son emailed me and asked how I was doing.I poured my heart out to him about her.His reply was to hang in there.THis is his mother.Oh well,
 

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