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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Charles on January 19, 2010 at 8:46pm
The truth is that all couples will have to face giving the other up at some point.The love of my life passed away Oct 2009, she had been ill for some time.I well remember us talking about that one of us would have to give the other up at some time in life.We talked about what to do when one of us passed on.I remember we even cried together as we talked about one of us has to be left to grieve the passing of the other.She needed me so much because of her disabilities.I needed her for everything but I was also the healthy one.My love would have been in trouble without me because I did so much for her.As I look around our home at the walkers, wheelchairs, I do realize how much she relied on me.How wonderful if we could all live to be old together, be healthy together and die together.One of us has to be left and in our case its me.Im so lost not having that one person that loved me no matter what, that one person that always wanted to see me, to talk to me.
I to am so sorry that any of us has to go through this pain and grief but as they say.. Thats life.
We all have our memories, our faith that we will be together again to help us make the days and nights a little more bearable.
My oh my how I loved that lady and how I miss her.
Also how wonderful we can share these feelings with others here that understand. My son emailed me and asked how I was doing.I poured my heart out to him about her.His reply was to hang in there.THis is his mother.Oh well,
Comment by Anita Simmons on January 19, 2010 at 8:01pm
Someone asked me the other day if I had a choice would I rather go through the grief or my fiance to go through the grief I replied without hesitation, ME!!!!!!!! Never would I want him to go through this again. He went through this when his father died and there is no way in hell I would want him to go through this again. It gets me through the day and helps me feel stronger every day.
I don't know if that helps any of you but I wanted to share that just in case it helps just one of you. I never want to go through this again and I am so so sorry we all have to do this. Grief is so hard.
Comment by Jackie Matthews on January 19, 2010 at 10:05am
It has been one year and eight months since my husband died of cancer. There isn't a day goes by that I don't miss him and cry because I miss him so much. Some days I think I am making progress and the grief is not so strong but then I hear a song or see a couple our age walking along holding hands and the tears start again. If it were not for my faith in God and the love and support of my friends and family I doubt I would have made it this far. It breaks my heart to read about the struggles of those who have recently lost someone. I understand every word they say. Grief hurts, and there are times you feel like you're losing your mind. Lately, I have found that the best thing for me to do is get up, wash my face, and do something else. It's not easy but I have found I can laugh and enjoy life one day at a time.
Comment by kathleen caylor on January 18, 2010 at 7:17am
Went by the cemetary yesterday,Told him "Hi" 2 minutes later Toby keith's song came on"i'm gonna miss you my friend"Well that did me in!I was wasted for the rest of the day.The song says "I'm not crying for you I'm crying for me"I'm still crying 4 months later.When will the pain go away?
Comment by Carol on January 17, 2010 at 8:18pm
I lost my husbaand of 32 years in April 09 He was the greatest man and I miss him more every day We had been High School sweathearts and we were blessed with a marrage made in fairy tales like many of you we did everything togeather I am so glad that I have found this site just to be able to talk about my feelings It is so hard to tell people who have never gone thru this how you feel I just feel so alone right now and they do not understand My husband was my best friend we could talk about everything I miss him holding me and I too miss his snoring I wish I could hear him talk and talk He loved to talk
Well thanks for listening my tears are getting in the way Carol
Comment by kathleen caylor on January 17, 2010 at 9:31am
Garth Brooks sang" I could have missed the pain but I would have missed the dance" I'm sure glad I didn't miss the dance!!Thank you for the dance!!
Comment by Eleanor Renaud on January 16, 2010 at 12:15pm
My best friend, my husband Paul of 39 yrs passed away on Dec 14 - 09. We only had 5 days notice that there was nothing that could be done - and all that they could do was to keep him comfortable. I do thank the almighty God that he didn't suffer very long. Bone cancer is such a terrible disease - thank you Lord for such a short suffering. So many things run through your mind: I wish I had a recording of his voice, I would love to hear him say: "love ya babe" just one more time. I miss the sound of his snoring (somehow that is not so irritating now). When I am having a good day - I feel guilty - shoudn't I be crying - is that all that I've got for grief? But the next day brings me back to reality.
One day at a time - we will survive.
Comment by Paulette on January 16, 2010 at 6:46am
It has been just over 2 and a half weeks since my husband died I sure do miss him.42 years is a long time to be together and we did everything together.They say it will get better, it's hard to believe.
Comment by Charles on January 13, 2010 at 7:44pm
Lois
I understand the divorce rate with M.S. couples is about 85%.Even with her M.S I was the lucky one.I received more love from her than I deserive.
One of my problems is I did so much for her every day that now Im lost without her.I truly believe god put me here to love and take of that beautiful lady and I was blessed to be able to take care of her and love her.Now what do I do?Love like what we had only comes once in a life time.
Thank you for being so kind.Your husband was very lucky to have had you also.Maybe thats why we are older, so we would have to maturity to hande the problems of loving some one with M.S. God bless you Lois.May you find peace and happiness also.
Comment by Charles on January 13, 2010 at 6:29pm
Dear Lois
Doris also had M.S.Fought it for thirteen years with massive drugs.She took 38pills a day and I gave her a injection every other day.She tried so hard to stay mobile but had to go to the walkers and finally wheel chair.She woke with a smile and I love you every day.Oh god how I miss her.
In the end all the drugs worked against her and it ended her life way to early.She never gave up until the final 24 hours.Her M.S affected her physically more than mental.I am 12 years older than her and thought I would go first.Twenty five years ago I was afraid to marry her because I was older and she was so young and beautiful.I remember she told me she would rather have true happiness with me even if it was short than not be happy at all.Its amazing how life works out at times.
 

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