Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Glenda F. Camp on January 8, 2010 at 11:29am
I lost my beloved husband and soul mate November 10, 2009. First Thanksgiving, first Christmas, and first New Years Eve without him were devastating. Fortunately, I spent each holidays with family and friends. Now that the holidays are over it seems as though it is impossible for me to believe he is really gone. Sometimes I feel as if I can't do this without him. He saw me through years of graduate school, helped raise my three children, and was the best husband and friend ever. We worked together every day and enjoyed every minute. He taught me well how to take care of myself, but I still feel uneasy without him. Nighttime is worse. Sleeping is broken at best. I know I need to exercise, but I don't have the desire or energy to do it.
Comment by ellen on January 8, 2010 at 8:02am
I am having really bad day today. I know He has been gone less than a month and I should not expect much from myself. I feel Like I am being punished. In the last 5 years I lost both parents and my true love. How much more can I take?
Comment by Denise MacCallum on January 7, 2010 at 2:20pm
Dear Sandra,
I know exactly what your going through....It has been 3 months for me also since I lost Robbie..He was 61..It doesn't seem to be getting any easier no matter what I do...The Pain is still overwhelming...I want my husband back and I know that is never going to happen but my heart will not accept the lose....I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...
Comment by michelle cader-laney on January 7, 2010 at 1:49pm
My husband and i have been together 11 years. We finally got married on january 3,2009( we were supposed to marry march 21,2009). On christmas eve 2008 he was diagnoised with panceatic cancer and he passed june 11,2009. I watched my husband (43 years old) go from a muscular 200 lbs down to about 80lbs in 7months. I watched him suffer from the pain and I felt completely helpless. No one should have to watch the person they love dye the way he did. I wish I could erase the visions that go through myhead. I am very angry and bitter. My faith in god is shot. We have 4 children (1 we share together). Im tryin to be strong for my children but somedays I feel my self sinking further into depression. Ive questioned my sanity numerous times. Will it ever get easier?
Comment by kathleen caylor on January 7, 2010 at 8:45am
Ann,you know the same thing happened to me.I thought I was o.k.then everything came crashing down.It was as if the whole mourning process was starting over again.I feel for you.Such emotions!Grief and Gratitude!So torn between the two.Kathy
Comment by Ann on January 6, 2010 at 11:02pm
I've cried more in the last few days than I did during the time surrounding my husband's passing 10 months ago. After being blessed with 51 years of marriage, it's like a huge part of me is just gone and has left a big hole in my heart. I think about all of you and pray that God will give us some peace.
Comment by janice on January 6, 2010 at 5:10pm
I just need to tell someone and I don't have anyone I can tell who would understand. I dreamed I was missing my husband so much I was crying and crying and begging him to come back. I can't even sleep without missing him. 48 years together and don't know how to make it.
Comment by Wendela on January 3, 2010 at 10:05am
My sister loaned me a book called SEVEN CHOICES: Taking the Steps to New Life After Losing Someone You Love, by Elizabeth Harper Neeld, Ph.D. Neeld is a former professor and speaker about grief, and she herself lost her young husband and has walked our path. Her 7 steps are:
1. Impact
2. The Second Crisis
3. Observation
4. The Turn
5. Reconstruction
6. Working Through
7. Integration

I haven't finished it yet, but it looks good so far, so I thought I'd share.
God bless us all, and congratulations to us for making it through Christmas! One breath at a time.
Comment by benita tyson on January 2, 2010 at 7:52pm
My husband of 7 years died on October 17,2009. He was buried on Oct.20.2009. We met online and he turned out to be my best friend and soul mate. He was so wonderful to me and my 2 children. Guy was diagnosed with lung cancer on12/19/08. He went through all his treatments, radiation and chemo. He fought so hard to live and worked so hard to keep going. I miss him more and more every day and sometimes I don't think I can make it. I know I have to for the sake of my children, but sometimes it is so hard. I talk to him every day and at night I tell him how much I love him and miss him. I have lost the will to really do anything. I have to work but it is really hard to go through day to day things and make it through without breaking down.
Comment by Deb on January 2, 2010 at 2:13pm
Hi. I am new here, and at least I know that I am not the only person grieving the loss of their love! I lost my fiance on June 20, 2009, to colon cancer. Ours is a great love story--we had known each other for more than 40 years as friends. My marriage ended in divorce in 2002, his marriage ended with his wife's death in early 2007. We had not talked in a while, but he called me shortly after his wife's death. We went to dinner two days later -- from that date on, we spent every day together!! We talked, laughed, and completely enjoyed each other. He was diagnosed with colon cancer 10 months after we began dating. We planned to marry early June this year. Needless to say, his medical condition worsened very quickly and we had hospice in our home by early June. I have been told "just think how you would feel if you had been married for 20 years (30 years, etc)". I don't think my "miss" is less because we had been dating for a short time--2 years!! He was my soulmate, my lover, my best friend . . we had so much fun traveling together, fishing and hunting together, just being together!! I can only thank God for the time that we had together--he is/was the love of my life!! My ex-husband died less than one month prior to my fiance's death. Hopefully 2010 will be a much better year, and I can learn to live with the many wonderful memories I have with my fiance!! He and I loved each other completely and had a great romance together!! It still does not stop my missing him, the tears, nor my broken heart. I know that he would not want me to be unhappy at all, but it just seems that the hurt gets deeper as time goes by. Wishing you all a very blessed, happy New Year!!

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