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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Charles on December 4, 2009 at 10:02am
Dear Mary Leaver, Thank you for your wonderful understanding words.Truthfully I think we all believe our loss, pain, greiving is greater than others but in reality we know others are just as pained.I can see you understand how the very life is sucked out of you, your knees buckle just thinking about it.My love and I had 23 wonderful years but at this time all I can think of is the last 31 days of her life.She was so sorry to be sick.She apologized over and over for having to leave me.She wanted me to go on and have a happy life until she and I met again in heaven .One of her last things to say was Im going to be heaven watching you..I think a lot of us here want to go forward but our grief just overtakes us.When you took your wedding rings off what were you thinking at that time?Can we ever look at a person of the opposit sex without thinking we are being unfaithful.I know life goes on, my love and I talked about that all the time because we talked about every thing.Xmas day, new years is coming, I know I will wake up without her by my side but I think I would rather die than go through that pain.I see you made it, I see many others made it and I will make it also.I just think a lot of us new ones here want to know that we can some day think about that love with joy and some happiness.
Comment by Jeanette Kilpatrick on December 4, 2009 at 8:43am
Don't worry about going to the cemetery. He is not there, he has gone on to heaven. I went on Thanksgiving and it did not depress me. I, like you, did not even want to live in the beginning but I am finding relief in helping others. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you will do the same for me. Jeanette Kilpatrick
Comment by shannon napier on December 4, 2009 at 8:10am

I lost my husband on october 6th, 2009 in a tragic car accident. He was 35 and we have 4 gorgeous children. I just found this web site and i am so thankful to read all these comments. I feel like no one really understands what you go thru. I have so many emotions I go through it makes me feel crazy sometimes. If it werent for the kids I think I would be worse off. I am strong and i know that. My oldest daughter has a severe heart condition and i had to be strong for 14 years for her so this is just another trial I have to go through. My husband Phil was everything to me, the only income, he worked as a dump truck driver and worked 13 hours a day whiel I was a stay at home mom. That day he went to be with the LORD he fell asleep at the wheel a mile or so from home and hit a couple head on. I thank GOD they were not injured. Phil was alive for 15 minutes and the women he hit was there to hold his hand and talk to him . I believe she was his angel. He told her to keep praying and dont stop. Talked about his wife and kids and wanted out. He was pinned in his truck, the whole inside engine and all was shoved up into him. An hour later after he passed they finally got him out. That was the worst day of my life. Sometimes I feeel like its still not real. I will hear a truck coming down the road and think its him. All our friends and family would pick at him about how much he loved me and the kids. He always had to touch me whether it be my arm or hair or hands he had to touch me. He loved me more than I have ever been loved by anyone before. The last few months of his life he really got passionate about the bible and always was so excited to preach it to his family when we got together. HE was learining hebrew letters and there meaning to the bible. He was takin at the peak of his faith. I dont undertand this I will one day but for now there are so many questions. I feel like his work here was not done he had so much to take care of. HE almost died once before from a rare infection called Lamers and then he got ards back when he was 26 he was on the the door step of death adn GOD brought him through it after 3 weeks in a coma. Why was he then takin by this horrible accident? I am so confused. I do have hope of the future and I do have a pastor who is there for me so i can say I have lots of help but its not the same as help from those who have been there.. Thank you all for this web site and sharing your stories.
Comment by Mary Leaver on December 3, 2009 at 10:47pm
Charles: When I lost the reason I lived and breathed Jan 14, 2006...even my toenails hurt. I'd go out on the patio and scream at God for taking him from me, at Joe for daring to be sick and for giving in to his bad heart. And I promise that if one more person told me that my pain would ease with time, I was going to do bodily harm! And to further complicate things, I had a very large tumor removed from my throat 2 weeks after Joe died, had to put his dog down in May, my aorta valve replaced in Nov and lost my really good job the following Aug! But it does get easier with time. Your pain is still very raw, all of us on this site have been there (GB Steve Cain for this site). It's the hardest thing any of us will do in our lives. If we didn't love those gone so much, there wouldn't be this much pain. DO seek grief support comfort from your church, fm Hospice, check newspapers or community bulletin boards as well. It really does help. I wore my wedding ring till last year, you'll know when it's the right time to take it off. Grieving is ALL ABOUT the living, so do what gives you some peace/comfort, there are NO timetables, no grieving etiguette! You'll find all kinds of suggestions here from each of us who've been walking the path you are now on. The "firsts" are going to be especially hard and we're coming up on Christmas, New Years and Valentines in rapid succession. Prepare yourself for those days any way that you can. Grief won't be cheated I'm sorry to tell you. Walk that path KNOWING that you've made a significant difference in someone's life. AND THAT you'll find your way to making a new life with your memories (her legacy to you & your family). You will, Charles. We all have. It hurts, cuts deeper than anything I've had to deal with before...but there are more easier days now than hard ones. The holidays were our favorite and the memories of getting to Jan 14th that awful year. I've worked hard at establishing a few new traditions and I include Joe in one of them...a remembrance ornament I hang on Christmas Eve. I smile more often now when I remember our great life together, there are still tears...but there are more smiles remembering the joy and all the love...then there are tears. I believe it's finally getting easier. The grief path is a forever thing Charles. In our own unique way, we each find a way to survive with our memories and make a new life for ourselves. We are ALL here for you...write us whenever/how ever often you need our shoulders. They are all seasoned with your same pain. GOD BLESS YOU CHARLES. Remember, "Always Blessings ~ Never Losses".
Comment by Charles on December 3, 2009 at 9:40am
I lost my wife, lover and my best friend on Oct 2.I was holding her in my arms as she took her last breath.She had fought Multiple Sclerosis for 13 years.My purpose in life has gone.I do not know how to go on.I have put up about 100 pictures of my love all over so I can keep her close.I went to a grief session at church but I could not open the door to go inside.I hurt to much.I see that a lot of other people here understand what Im going through.I still have my wedding ring on, Im still married as far as Im concerned.They say it gets better with time. Im not so sure.
Comment by Eileen Lopez on December 1, 2009 at 9:54pm
I loss my husband on Nov. 7, 2009 a day after his birthday. Thanksgiving Day was hard,,, this was his favorite holiday. He would get up at five in the morning and start cooking the turkey. I missed his smoked turkey this year. I thought I could be strong and go on with live but it has been hard. I started feeling sick today and had to leave work and go home to rest. It was my second day back at work and I guess everything just caught up with me. I was looking for a support group to start going to but I didn't find one in town. I thankm God I foujng this one on the web. I miss him so much,, we had been together 25 yrs. and he was only 47 when he went to be with the Lord. We had so many plans that will never come true. Everyone tells me it will get better in time but I foind that hard to believe right now. God bless everyone here who has lost their loving spouse.
Comment by Jeanette Kilpatrick on December 1, 2009 at 10:43am
My husband, James, died May 23, 2009. I didn't dream it would be so hard. I became so depressed that i didn't want to live. Then I got a brochure from the City Rescue Mission about their needs. I got up and got to work on a project for them and I am doing so much better. Our 60th wedding anniversary would have been July 29, 2009. I am so glad to have found a reason for me continuing to live. I still get depressed and cry, but I am handling it better since I have a need to fullfil. My advice to you is to accept what has happened and find something worthwhile to occupy your life. It helps.
Thanks for listening. Jeanette
Comment by Jeanne on November 28, 2009 at 5:39pm
This thanksgiving was very very hard....painful, but it is over and on to the next challenge being without my wonderful husband...He has been gone 6 months now....Have to get through Christmas...Wish I could go somewhere on an island for a month or so.....
Comment by Teresa on November 28, 2009 at 12:19pm
My name is Teresa, and I lost my beloved husband March 4, 2009. We were only married for 7 months but he had such a passion for life, we made every second count. Before I met Michael Coyne, I didn't believe in soul mates, maybe because I suffered two failed marriages. My Knight in Shining Armor rode into my life in a wheelchair, instead of a horse, but he was more a man than anyone I had ever met. He was the kind of man who made everyone in his life feel like they were the most important person in the world, I found something with Michael that some woman never find in a lifetime. That life is a celebration, life was so precious to him and he fought to live each day to the fullest. Somedays I dont want to go on either, but I know I have too, because of what my husband taught me. So, I am not done being Mrs. Michael Coyne, I am trying to carry on with some of the goals we had as a couple.
I miss him so mucch.
I read all the posts here and I wanted to say my heart hurts for each of you and I am so sorry. Empathy means your pain my heart. I hope we can encourage one another.
In sympathy, Teresa
Comment by Brigitte on November 27, 2009 at 5:10pm
I actually made it through Thanksgiving!! Let's see what December brings. Hope all of you did well. We will get through this and I know that Douglas was with me yesterday, just like he is with me everyday. You can't take away the memory or love I have for this wonderful man. He is my hero and guardian angel.
 

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