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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1370
Latest Conversations: on Thursday

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

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Comment by Charles E. Nelson on Thursday

Thank you to everyone for your most kind and appreciated anniversary wishes - I still wish I could reach through the air and hug everyone, because you really are my family and have supported Steve and I all through this unbelievable journey we have undertaken.

I will try to write more soon, and wish I could focus my scattered thoughts more easily to share some of my feelings regarding the discussions here. Reading the exchanges always reminds me of how many truly good and compassionate people there are in the world - something I seem to need reassurance of more frequently these days. 

Wishing good health to everyone, and a peaceful and pleasant summer as the temperatures climb and the weather sometimes threatening. Stay safe, take things slowly when possible, and God Bless you all!

Love, Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on Thursday

Dear Mary Jane,

Forgive me for not writing sooner, but I have been reading about your feelings about moving and can truly understand. Leaving my home in Bloomsbury NJ was so incredibly sad and confusing for me that I still don't know how to describe the experience other than to say it was like losing Larry all over again. I was very blessed to have Steve with his seemingly infinite patience and insight guiding me through it all.

Once here in Texas and our new home, I started feeling like I would never again feel "at home" and perhaps had made a terrible mistake, even though financially there was no possibility of keeping my former home.

One night I finally went down the rabbit hole. I had never had a security system with alarms, and even though it was explained in great detail how simple it was, my poor short term memory and quickly ignited anxiety made me very leery of the whole system. I was terrified of opening a door or window and inadvertently summoning police, fire, and the National Guard!

Then one evening it suddenly was triggered and the sound blasting through the house was deafening. Steve was trying desperately to disarm it, the phone was ringing, and I was contributing to the chaos by grabbing my cell phone and calling the one friend I had mead here to scream that I was getting out of this stupid (not the word I used at that moment) state and would he come pick me up? Steve finally literally ripped the box off the wall then spoke with the support people on the phone setting up a visit the next day. The police weren't summoned thankfully, and once everything was quiet he looked at me sitting in the corner and just shook his head. I felt so foolish but also like I was living in a dimension from the Twilight Zone and could never adjust.

Well, I have adjusted, and while there are many things I complain about, I realize that so long as Steve and I are well enough to care for ourselves and each other, we will be fine. 

I know that you will also adjust with time, and with new friends and interests will be fine - happy even, like your kitty. Just keep sharing with us, and remember we love you lots!

Love & hugs, Chuck

Comment by deborah peck on Wednesday

Francis I think I have a real ability to be in touch with those that have passed over but for some reason Greg doesn't, think maybe my grief is still too strong, maybe in time, I hope so

Comment by Frances C Younger on Wednesday

Deborah, my dad was a Baptist minister, but raises Catholic!  I loved his perspective.  Here is what I read on the idea of souls reincarnating.  If the love is strong, they wait for us.  Their time is not like ours, so for them it is moments.  (  Makes no sense to me. )  I kind of like to think that way.  I like the idea, but I have no proof.  Yet, many of us sensitive people do see what appears to be signs.  I have for sure.  I don't think all I experience is my mind playing games on me.  So, I ask, is my mind a spirit part of me, and my brain the control panel for my body?

Comment by deborah peck on Wednesday

My first husband was a Baptist minister but I was raised Catholic so talk about  getting a new perspective, Im not sure about the reincarnation thing because if its true then we wouldn't feel our spouses energy would we? when my first husband passed I got a lot of signs from here that I know he was around, when I met and married my second husband I no longer felt him around, maybe he thought Greg would take care of me now. When Greg passed away I do not feel him like that at all, I will dream about him occasionally but that's it, Im afraid that if I believe in reincarnation that they would not be mine anymore but rather they now live another life, weird thought

Comment by Frances C Younger on Tuesday

My neighbor's son is to be buried Saturday.  She asked me if I believed they make a connection with us.  I told her we would talk about it later, sometime after this week.  We can share our observations.

Comment by Frances C Younger on Tuesday

OK Steven, I so agree.  My Dad was the minister.  lol  In truth, Dad loved people and was preaching what was acceptable at the time.  I am a few years younger, 68, married 3 times, divorced once.  I lost my   Larry after 20 years, and recently Vaughn after 14.  Aie, he promised to grow old with me.  I still believe his spirit is here, or he drops in on a regular basis.   

He was my best friend and we had a lot of conversations about religion too.  We both believed in God, but dared to question.  He was thrown out of a church for asking if the children of Adam and Eve committed incest. lol        Oh those Churchians!!!    

I too questioned everything, and was in a constant battle with my mom on religion.  OK, maybe I was a little - strong-willed was their word.

We connect on another level Steve.  My life has been blessed but hard at the same time.  Vaughn and I had temporary custody of my grand kids.  I still have 2 little boys, and an 18 year old with me.  So difficult after Vaughn died and I was so dysfunctional.  I gave up the teen age girl because her behavior was too much for me.  

I think their are many mysteries too.  I also write.  Coming here for comfort helped me put my emotions in words, and I knew you all were on that same path.  Finally, I am back to writing which was more of a hobby, but I am writing for children now and hoping to be published.  Be nice to have the income.

Comment by Steve G. on Monday

Frances,

You are correct, as a young child though I questioned everything and got the standard response "It's what the Bible says" you should not question such things.  In other words, be quiet and don't cause problems.

My past has defined me, grief has been an unwanted companion of mine from the time I was 5 months old and lmy sister was 4 yrs old when our mother died.  I was raised by my grandparents, and my sister stayed with our father until I was 6 yrs old, then became a pawn of my father.  He had remarried and wanted me back.  The story is a long one and sad for all of us.  In the end, things got to a point when my half sister was born.  Long story short, both my sister and I were given legal custody to our grandparents.

As time marched on my grandparents passed, then my sister when she got pancreatic cancer.  She was 50 and I was 46.

My questions never got answered to my satisfaction, when I lost Mark in 2014 all of that past came up and out.  I am now 72 and because of my grief, I began to look back and I found Legacy, I found a Church non-denominational, very small and LGBT.  That was a starting point, a small group of us started a bible study group.  This one did not just read text and ask "how or what does that say to you".  The gentleman running this was an ordained Methodist minister, he too was interested in all of the questions that are not spoken about, looking up the original text in the original language.  He was well versed in research and used a Lexicon to assist.  

There are more mysteries in this world and I find writing and research as my outlet. 

Comment by Frances C Younger on Monday

Steve, I agree with you as well.  We were taught out parent's faith.  Now, we see different and are more free to discuss it.  I am non-denominational, but a follower of the teachings of Christ.  At the same time, am I am sure you are by how you post, I read and question a lot.

Comment by Frances C Younger on July 13, 2019 at 10:25pm

Mary Jane, I am going to check that book out.  Hope I don't forget the writer's name.  i just finished How the Bible Actually Works, by Peter Enns.  It was good.  He talks about the Bible being mostly a book of wisdom.  You all might like to check it out.  I remember being told about the King James Bible and how proud the King was to have his name on it.  

 

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