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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1372
Latest Conversations: Sep 15

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on September 15, 2019 at 9:51am

Chuck, well said on knowing how our friends and family feel and the pain they are going thru at the continues cycly of life we all go thru. After Greg passed away many of my friends no longer contacted me nor me them as I was hurt they were not there for me. This pass week one of these friends sister passed away, this is the only time she has had a loved one pass away, I have been reaching ut to her to let her know I am here to meet up for coffee or just to sit, she sent me a text saying how sorry she was that she wasn't there for me, she didn't realize the pain of losing a loved one, I replied with no problem. I understand you couldn't possibly know the pain as you had never felt it, she also said she didn't know what to say which I replied, sometimes there is nothing to say, just sitting quietly together is enough so for her to let me know when things slowed down and we could just sit together. She was always what I had categorized as a good time friend, someone you could have fun with but not someone you could talk to about life, so sad she is now experiencing life in a different form

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 14, 2019 at 10:49am

Hello everyone,

Marsha, I have been meaning to comment since you wrote over a week ago - as always seems to happen I am now very late  in saying that although I am so glad to hear that you are alright (I'm a worrier), I am also am sorry for all the things you have been dealing with. Please always know that you are never far from my thoughts. As usual I find myself cursing the vast distances that keep us all separated, but that's what this"family" site is all about - being together when we can't be together.

Mary Jane, I agree with Marsha that Bob is letting you know that being close to you now isn't a matter of locality anymore - where you are, so will he be. Just as Larry and Mark have let Steve and I know in 100 small ways that they both continue their loving watch over us.

This past week my uncle passed at age 101. I was unable to travel for his funeral, as was his youngest daughter because her husband was gravely ill. I just learned that he now has also passed after 37 years of marriage. Today, one week after Uncle John's funeral, cousin Mary and her family are having Tuan's funeral. Again I will be absent in body, but not in spirit. I know how this emptiness and loneliness with which we are all familiar will hit her. She is a sweet quiet woman who will I fear internalize much of her pain. I will write her over the next few days after the shock has begun to wear off a bit and attempt to offer whatever support or comfort I can from a distance.

I guess what I am really saying is that another part of my path now includes witnessing others I love confronting their loss as I had to face losing Larry and I am feeling helpless and powerless to prevent the pain and fear I know too well is approaching. Being physically distant probably is exacerbating these feelings - but still I see myself as if watching from through some veil as people I love experience sadness with no way to reach them.

I hope everyone is well and has a peaceful weekend -  I send hugs to you all my dear family -

Love, Chuck 

Comment by Marsha H on September 14, 2019 at 3:20am

Diane C ...  If you are still having problems getting onto Legacy go to 'Start' on your computer  and go up the list to 'disc clean-up' and just follow what it says.  It gets rid of cookies you don't need and also files you don't need (don't worry, you won't lose anything important.)  I clean out my cookies every couple of weeks.  Hope this helps. 

Comment by Marsha H on September 14, 2019 at 3:15am

Mary Jane ...  I am so glad you had those experiences and I don't know if you remember before you moved that I told you that Bob would follow you no matter where you lived and apparently he's there!  I hope you win the lottery so keep us posted.  I do believe in your experiences especially the fortunate.  Hope you are getting use to your new digs.

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 12, 2019 at 10:08pm

Hi kids..I want to share this dream I had of Bob Tuesday when I took an early nap. I have been in my new mobile home in S.F. Bay Area..for 10 weeks now, and I really haven,t felt him here..until Tuesday...I was on the bed,my,kitty Rudy had crawled in with me, he ALWAYS sleeps with me..and I fell into a light sleep. Rudy although asleep, was making  constant kitty noises..something he never does..I dreamed Bob-and I were talking together, and I woke up and remembered he was gone. I HATE when that happens..but I .drifted into another VERY light sleep...Rudy was still cuddled with me, whimpering, and I couldn,t sleep deeper, as the closet doors kept REALLY rattling, must have been the wind? .and I had to use the bathroom, os I opened my eyes, but still lied there..with kitty asleep next to me..still making unusual noises...I was annoyed that the doors continued to rattle, when I noticed my Angel solar light was FLICKERING..continuously like Morse code...THE BATTERY HAD DIED THE WEEK BEFORE, AND I HADN,T CHARGED OR REPLACED IT...Ilied there,not moving for about 3 minutes, watching the light flicker, listening to the wind rattle the doors, but I had to use the restroom,so I sat up. 

It was as if I had flicked a switch..everything STOPPED. All was quiet. I lied down again, thinking maybe it was my weight..but nothing. Rudy was QUIETLY sleeping...the lighted Angel was dark..andthe rattling was silent..no vibration. 

Now I will tell u about the FORTUNE cookie fortune. A few weeks ago,I noticed there was a fortune lying on my bare dresser. ???? The back has numbers, and the fortune said THREE MONTHS FROM TODAY GOOD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU.  I had dated it 6/13/19. So I took it, and checked the calendar...and 9/13/19 (TOMORROW) was 3 months..I circled the day, and put the fortune in a safe place. This just happens to be one day B4 my birthday. 

When my daughter came over, The same day I had the dream... I showed her the tiny piece of paper, and we made plans to play LOTTO tomorrow. She left. And I straightened up the table, but didn,t see THE TINY PAPER anywhere! I looked all over for it, but figured it was so small, I had tossed it, and went to bed. The next morning, I felt a bit sad...as I hadn,t written the numbers down and since it was Friday the 13th we should just pick some random numbers. I walked into the dining room...and was STUNNED to see the little fortune had been placed NEATLY on the table..not randomly, but carefully. I took a picture of the placement of it, plus the numbers...and that is it.

sooo what do u all think? I think it was Bob who did all those things. The dream incident can be explained...maybe the wind caused the rattling..but I went outside, and there was NO wind right then...but a draft could have caused the light to flicker, and the doors to rattle..maybe Rudy was dreaming...but there is NO WAY that fortune could have accidentally  been placed in such a precise manner, when the table had been clear the night before..so that’s it..thanks for reading my very long post. 

Comment by Steve G. on September 12, 2019 at 12:08pm

If you can scroll to the top of this page, in the upper right and find your name, the sign out is blue which if you click on it, you should get signed out.

If the whole page is frozen, then I suggest a hard reboot, by turning off the power to your computer.  Wait a couple minutes, restore power and restart your computer.

Comment by Diane C on September 12, 2019 at 11:53am
I need some help!! I can not get logged out of Legacy, nor am I able to receive any new messages. It's like I am stuck in a time warp. I sent Legacy an e-mail and they advised me to "click on the sign out button. I would think I would know that after 7 years of being on this site.... If anyone has any suggestions, please message me on this site. Maybe I can still receive messages. Not sure of that either. I will send legacy another message too in the mean time. Thanks!!
Comment by Marsha H on September 2, 2019 at 5:46am

To my dear family.  I hope you enjoy this as it's given me so much encouragement.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjF9IqvXDjY

Hugs to all

Comment by Marsha H on September 2, 2019 at 5:14am

Dear Deborah P ....  You are a sweetheart and thank you so much.  You made me feel better.  I know it never gets easy for any of us.  

A belated Wedding Anniversary for your dear Greg and you.  I do the same thing with the balloons and it gives us some peace.  It almost feels when we let the balloons fly up into the sky Greg and Ernie would be holding their hands out to catch it.  I always believe they are around us when we need them the most.

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 31, 2019 at 9:55am

I hope this day is gentle for you, remembering   all the wonderful times..and the happy memories that you shared with Greg.

 

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