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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Comment by Virginia on June 3, 2010 at 7:01pm
If I offended anyone here I am very sorry. It was not intentional. Virginia
Comment by Yvonne on June 3, 2010 at 4:19pm
Helen I am so sorry for your loss. I am also so sad that you feel so alone. I think the loneliness is almost the worst. No one to share your thoughts with, no one to count on, no one to hug and hold you. I lost my husband of 38 years August 9, 2009 to a heart attack. I also blame myself for not making him go to the doctor the day before he passed away. He was not feeling well, but thought it was some kind of flu that was going around and refused to go to the doctor. He passed away in his sleep at 6:30 am. Although we can't change what has happened to us, I know we all wish we had just another 10 minutes, an hour or day. But it is not to be and we must endure our lot in life. It is not easy as we all know. It is so nice to have people on here that understand. Take care and together we can all make it.
Yvonne
Comment by Helen Carll on June 3, 2010 at 3:28pm
This time last year my husband was fighting for his life in the hospital and with the help of the doctors and hospital he lost the battle which he fought bravely for years. They wanted to take him off life support and I must with much sorrow and regret when along with them. After spending 10 days watching him improving, then getting worse, not sleeping, I made the biggest mistake in my life by allowing them to basically contribute to his death. How I could give anything to have this time back so I would make different decisions. Even his daughter wanted him taken off of life support and when he was being slowlly dying she did not even stay at the hospital to comfort. She was my stapdaughter. Now I do not hear from his 3 children. I feel his daughter wanted him to die because of her mother and what a good life we had together to almost 30 years. My life has not gotten better and easier and I know it never will. I have no one to share life with - like going to dinner, going to church, going to the movies, even going to the doctors. I have not seen a doctor since my beloved died and I really do not care. All I feel like doing is crying. I miss him so and pray he will come back. I have even said prayers asking God to send him back - prayers that are supposed to never fail. I wish I could meet you in person to share this grief because I am lonesome.
Comment by Virginia on June 3, 2010 at 3:26pm
wow
Comment by Virginia on June 3, 2010 at 4:43am
Hi everyone, I held a bbq/family reunion on the 31st. I or I should say we my nephew and I worked for weeks to get the yard back in shape as it has been sorley neglected for the last 12 yrs. My husband took such pride in keeping it up we have 3/4 of a acre in yard and a acre and a half in field. My nephew did the best he could when my husband got sick but didn't do it like mike would and boy did he hear about it when mike would go outside lol anyway while we were working we had alot of good memories and when something would happen like a branch falling really close to us we would say it was mike trying to get back at my nephew for not doing it right in the first place lol,then there was the cooking to do. I ask everyone to bring a side dish or dessert and I never did that before we always did it all. We all had a very nice time even tho it was 92 hot and humid. nephews we helped raised were all here and they shared their memories one was not here for the funeral but there was no tears all laughter, now that it is all over boy am I really in a low spot again I found that all the many days and hours of work were very theraputic (excuse the spelling ) now I have nothing to do again,and going in the yard seems hard because mike would be so proud of it. You would think after 13 months it would be easier it's not, now I'm even having a hard time comming down the steps in the A M. I slept in the living room with mike for 10 yrs. and have recently started sleeping back in our bedroom and have a hard time comming down and he is not on the couch,so I'm finding myself sleeping in the living room again on his couch. It is so hard being in here pretty much 24/7. Virginia
Comment by Peg Otley on June 2, 2010 at 12:05pm
Hi Tom,
Thank you so much. I do have quite a large family and we are all close (at least the ones that matter). It is such a shame that your family does not bother with you. I absolutely HATE seeing that in families. Life is too short.
I know how much you miss your Lori. I read these comments and I think you have become the Grimm Reapers' foe on here. He tries to creep in and you kick him right out!!! Just about everything you say on here brings a smile to my face and for that moment I can wipe a tear away.
My Harry and I were together for 39yrs', married 36. He would do anything for me and I for him. Harry was a mailman and retired just 1 year before he got sick. He was soooo looking forward to going to sports events for the grandchildren as we did for all of our kids. We never dreamed we'd have 8 grandchildren!!! I THINK they are done but not so sure about the one with the twins. That daughter-in-law worries me. I think she'd have 10 if she could. They have a 6 yr. old boy and a boy and girl twins who will be 4 July 31. We will all be on vacation that week. There are 21 of us going including my 82 yr old Mom and 80 yr. old Dad. We DO have a blast but this will be another first for me without Harry being there. I know it will be hard at times but we will have a good time because Harry always did and would want us to. My daughter is coming from Georgia with her family and Harry's sister is coming up from Louisiana for the first time at camp. They have gone to Ocean City with us before but Harry's sister was never at camp. Its really a double wide prefabricated home since camp burned down to the ground about 10 years age. So we have all the amenities of home. I'm not sleeping out where the bears are!!!!!
Well, Tom keep up the good work on here. You are like a free psychologist:) I hope it helps YOU as well as you are helping others. I will let you all know how things turn out.
Comment by Peg Otley on June 2, 2010 at 2:45am
Memorial day was a sad day for me. I heard so many TAPS being played all over the TV and news. It really got to me because it was played at my Harry's military funeral 5 1/2 mos ago.
My son had the whole family over for a cookout and it was nice but although I made 4 diffferent things, I ate enough to fill a shot glass. Enjoyed watching the grandchildren jumping on the trampoline and then it started raining so the kids were running in the rain. They were soaked and muddy!!!! They are 9, 6, 6, 4, 4, and going to be 4 on Saturday. The other 2 ages 8 and 1 live out of state. I tried to hang in there but after 4 hours I had to leave. I am waiting to hear if I really DO have to have a liver transplant. Hopefully will know on the 18th. I guess I will feel this way until they are finished banding my enlarged esophageal veins that are bleeding. I am sure that can have an effect on how the stomach feels.
When I got home it was worse. All alone. I turned the light on in the corner cabinet (my "ANGEL") cabinet, only to see the funeral flag in it's shadow box and Harry's ashes behind it. I lost it. Still having a hard time dealing with it. I miss my soldier so bad and now that I have to deal with this illness without him it's harder. He always said if it ever came to this point, he'd be here to get me through it. Unfortunately, 35-40 yrs ago I had a blood transfusion and contracted Hepatitis C but didn't find out until 1993. I'm TRYING to stay positive for my family but I'm not a very strong person when it comes to these things. Praying for everyone here and their families. God Bless all.
Comment by Connie on June 1, 2010 at 1:03pm
Tom, I am glad to see that you are feeling somewhat better. Keep up your sense of humor. We all need a bright spot once in a while. Keep up your positive attitude.
Comment by Virginia on June 1, 2010 at 8:59am
Hi all, yesterday I had a bbq/family reunion, what a day about 60 people and I truelly enjoyed myself.wich was nice for a change.People talked about my husband and his crazy anticks. my nephews had fond memories of when they lived with us and the best part was I got through it without a tear. I hope everyone a nice day and I will be back on later, god bless. Virginia
Comment by Maureen on May 31, 2010 at 4:31pm
I went to my first cookout today without Steve. Yesterday was 3 weeks since he died, I miss him so much. I don't feel like I'm living - just going through the motions. Remember to eat, feed the dogs, go to work... I'm so lonely.
 

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