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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

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Comment by brenda horne on March 18, 2010 at 8:18pm
comment by Brenda Horne
for Kathy Obiedzinski
sorry to tell you this but you will always have people say comments like this to you they have no idea what you are going thru i lost my husband of 32 years to cancer in feb.2008 the people that say these kind of things to you are not worth the time to make a comment back to walking away was the best way to handle it in my opinion i would distance myself from this person and if she were to ever ask me why i would then tell her how much her comment hurt me people want you to get out after you have lost a loved one they think it is the best thing for you but it has not been for me everywhere i go all i see are couples and i say to myself why are they still together why did it have to be me that lost my husband i know people lose loved ones daily but i sometimes feel all alone 5 months after my husband passed i went to a fourth of july celebration at church i started crying so hard watching all the families with their kids having fun until i had a panic attack and had to be rushed by ambulance to the hospital i thought i was having a heart attack after three days in ICU and numerous test i was told my heart was fine that it had been a panic attack i am now seeing a psycologist that is a great help for me i am getting better as you will also but it takes a while and it will not end completely until my heart stops beating my husband was my everything i miss him every minute dont let anyone force you into anything if they get upset and dont understand in my opinion they were never your friend i am praying for you and if you need to talk again please feel free to contact me it helps so much to talk to someone who knows how you feel God bless you my friend
Comment by Ron Adkins on March 18, 2010 at 2:40pm
For Kathy Obiedzinski:

It takes more strength to just walk away then it does to succumb to strange peer pressures from a group of people who, in effect, think they know what's best for, you as if going to dinner with them is so special.



I respect your decision to do exactly what you did. This has less to do with your husband passing (my opinion) and a lot more to do with you copping with your personal circumstances. You are moving on with your life, not easily, but certainly. You should be very,very, proud of yourself. It's exactly what your husband would have said to you. He is smiling down and very happy with what he sees.



Ron
Comment by kathy carlson on March 18, 2010 at 10:47am
we all miss you, Josie still runs thro the house looking for you! The kids are all well & settleing down. Love you, kathy
Comment by Yvonne on March 17, 2010 at 12:34am
That is beautiful Walter. Brought a smile to my face and I could imagine you smiling as you wrote it. I know the song you are talking about. One of my favorites. This morning when I turned on the stereo, Just a little patience was playing, and when I got in the truck to go to the store Turn the Page was playing. I think my Larry was thinking of me. I saw him in my dreams the other night. I remember being upset that no one else could see him but he reached out to hold my hand and it was warm and it really made me feel good. Just a few ramblings. Have a good night all and take care. Yvonne
Comment by Walter Crowley on March 17, 2010 at 12:03am
Two short stories to tell as a respones to the earlier comments regarding humor. About a week after my wife passed away( my wife was a very loud snorer) I woke up about 3 in the am lying on my left side in the bed to the sound of loud snoring. Now I must admit, I was scared (you know what), I was literally afraid to turn over and look. When I realized I must, I slowly turned to see my dog laying in the wifes spot snoring away. My heart was beating 100 mph. whew!! ........The next thing, my wife used to like to sneek up behind me and poke and grab at my rear end. Very shortly after her death I heard a song on the radio, that naturally brought me to tears," ain't no sunshine when shes gone, this house just ain't a home when shes gone away", a classic I'm sure some of you know it. Any way I'm a welder by trade and one day after I had returned to work I was bending over under the welding hood when I felt a poke in my left rear cheek. Stood up lifted my hood looked around thinking a fellow employee playing around and there was no one even remotely close. Imagination, OK back to work, with in seconds it happened again to my right rear cheek, stood up, same thing. Then it hit me and I immediately started smiling and looking around and said half jokingly to stop it. No sooner had the words left my mouth when the song I mentioned earlier came on the radio. I swear as God is my witness, and I was grinning from ear to ear! How about that?
Comment by Walter Crowley on March 16, 2010 at 11:42pm
Yes indeed friends! Wouldn't have it any other way!
Comment by Walter Crowley on March 16, 2010 at 10:07am
I really wish people would READ! what I initially wrote. I'm not claiming to know the endall to the questions of what happens when one dies. If you read what I initially wrote, I essentially was asking a question???? I will try to put it a different way. Since I started my grieving process and not at all having any expereince with death and the hereafter, I have found myself confused as to what TO BELIEVE! On the one hand you have friends and loved ones come up to me and say things like "it's ok, she's in heaven now with God, a better place, no more suffering, etc. etc.. We are all familiar with it. Not being admittedly very religious, I turned to the bible as I,m sure many many others have, in an effort to find both comfort and some answers. What I got out of it was a completely different contex than what has been said by family and friends. The bible says something completely different than, " it's ok, their in heaven with God now smiling down on you. So unless I'm not quite understanding what I'm reading in the bible(which is entirely possible), I now find my self completely at a loss as to what to believe anymore. Yes I am looking for answers which I know I will never find in my LIFETIME, none the less I will keep looking. My original entry essentially said that. Has anyone else found themselves asking the same thing. I would bet tremedous sums of money that they are even at this very moment. As to the earlier comment that infered that this is not the appropriate place for this kind of discussion, where pray tell is it appropriate. And Tom I do very much appreciate your response, it deals with the question I was asking and certainly provides me with yet another piece of the eternal puzzel mankind continually seeks to answer. And as a more personal note, I too cry every day, I too talk to thin air, my heart is shattered beyond repair, I yearn to be rid of this life in the HOPE that maybe some of it is true. I miss my wife dearly!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment by Yvonne on March 16, 2010 at 7:19am
Hi Walter
First off let me say how sorry I am for you loss. It seems to me that right now you are mad at God for taking your wife. That is a very normal grief response and process. We are at all different stages of the grieving process and we try to find comfort where ever we can. We all have different beliefs and who is to say who is right or wrong. In grieving our lost loved ones there is no right or wrong...you do what gets you through the day. We are all looking for answers. We come to this site for validation and support. Sometimes we come to just pour our hearts out. We don't come here to criticize each other. Everyone has their individual way of grieving. If yours is to question God and try to find answers in the bible...so be it that is your way. I hope you find peace and understanding and forgiveness. It is a very difficult journey with a long and winding road. I lost my husband of 38 years August 9, 2009. I miss him terribly and always will. I think you need a big hug ((((Walter)))).
Take care Yvonne
Comment by kathleen caylor on March 16, 2010 at 7:00am
As widows and widowers,we have enough gloom and doom in our lives.We did not come to this site to discuss religion.It is called " Grief Support".And that's all I have to say about it!
Comment by Walter Crowley on March 16, 2010 at 1:18am
You know Charles you obviously didn't read what I wrote and it would seem your actually angry. You don't have to preach to me, especially as some of the other readers are about easter bunnies santa claus and other foolish childrens fairly tales. I lost my wife of 10 years this past Dec. 24. I'm trying to sort things out in my own heart and mind and was simply relaying the perplexing situation I find my self in as it regards death, souls, heaven, etc.. No where in your somewhat attituded response do I see or hear one comment from you as to the reality of the situation. The easter bunny doesn't run heaven, God does. As for those of you who keep on beleiving such nonsense versus the reality of death and what the bible says, or should I say GOD SAYS, are going to find yourselves in a real spot come the judgement day. And finally Charles the question is " what does the bible say happens at the moment of death?" do you know Charles?
 

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