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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1. 4 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Connie on June 15, 2010 at 1:31pm
My neighbor who hasn't said 2 words to me since Phil passed in November, spoke to me for the first time last week. The conversation was casual at first and then she said "And how are you?" I couldn't help it but I said to her "How do you think I should be, I feel like h__l." She was kind of shocked by my reply but I am tired of telling everyone that I am ok because I am not. I think maybe if we just tell people how we actually are and not what they want to hear either they will stop asking or if they ask, they will sincerely want to know. Just my opinion!!
Comment by Connie on June 15, 2010 at 1:27pm
I think I need to apologize again. For one thing, please understand that I have been going through a really bad time recently - worse than usual. Tom, you have not offended me. If you need to do something different, I think that is great and I sincerely hope that it works for you and helps you because I am sure that you are devastated being without Loni. It is just that I don't want to bring anyone down by the way I am feeling. I feel like h--l lately - again. I think Father's Day is affecting me badly and we have a lot of birthdays with the grandchildren right now. It is a lot of things that really make me hurt more because he is not here. My daughter has a house at the Jersey shore and wants me to come for the weekend. I would love to go but that would mean that I could not go to the cemetery on Father's Day and I really feel like I can't miss a day of being near him. Please understand and don't get down because of the way I feel. I really treasure the people that I have met on this site and the help that I have gotten from it. We are all going through the same thing but we are all individuals and even though the hurt is there, some people react differently to it and that does not mean that anyone is right or wrong by feeling what they feel. I hope that you all understand my rambling but I so appreciate all of you and I don't want anyone to misunderstand what I said. Thanks Guys!!!!!
Comment by BoLynn on June 15, 2010 at 12:12pm
I cringe when I'm asked if I'm ok. What do you say? No, I want to die and be in heaven with my husband. I think that is one of the stupid questions because they know the life as you knew is gone. Your soulmate is never coming home. Yes, sad to say, they only want to hear you say that you're doing ok......so I lie and that's what I say. It makes them happy to hear that, but it makes me angry.
Comment by Basia on June 15, 2010 at 11:12am
When people ask you "how you doing?" do they really want to know or is it just a thing to say?
And do they really want to know the truth about how you are REALLY doing or do they just want to hear you say "ok".
And would it be completely inappropriate of me to say to them that the only reason I haven't flung myself off the balcony is the realization that at least one of my kids would not mentally survive losing another parent.
Comment by Basia on June 15, 2010 at 11:06am
To Tom. I don't know you but I have read a lot of your posts and they cheer me up somehow. I was wondering why I haven't seen you post much lately. Please don't stop posting.
Comment by BoLynn on June 15, 2010 at 3:12am
My friends, let's take a deep breath here. Our nerves are raw and we are all on edge. I can see how some posts could be read in a different tone as was posted. Feelings are hard to put in words. Some think that being here is making them more depressed and they should take a breather. I think that's a good idea. Others feel that reading what other members are feeling makes them understand their feelings and that they are not alone. Some come here because there is nowhere they can go to vent and purge. There is no wrong here. We hurt, we're angry, we're lonely, we're sad. If not, why would we be here? Please......take a deep breath and let's all start over. A group hug is needed and ice cream all around....on Tom ;)
Comment by Suzanne on June 14, 2010 at 10:35pm
Hi BoLynn
I feel directly responsible for 2 people who left this site. I could explain further but why stress about what's already been done and in the past. Although I totally agree with every word you said. We need a place to share our feelings and vent and if others grieve differently they are here to just listen not preach. For that I'm not apologizing, only if I hurt someone would I be sorry. But your words have comforted me as well. Thank you for that.
Suzanne
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on June 14, 2010 at 9:17pm
Thank you for your input BoLynn. Yes, hugs are good.
Comment by BoLynn on June 14, 2010 at 8:58pm
Randolph......Hugs are wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment by BoLynn on June 14, 2010 at 8:39pm
Donate one pair and keep the other in your treasure box.
 

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