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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Comment by Yaca Attwood on August 9, 2010 at 5:55pm
Yes, the turn of the calendar - the arrival of school supplies, backpacks and the fact that _Christmas_ items are starting to appear in the stores (grrrrrrr) herald the soon arrival of the holidays - a difficult time, at best, and often agonizing after the death of a beloved.

Even though we were not much for holidays - it was still something to have another person around, even if all we did was watch DVD's or movies. Last December was truly a St. John of the Cross "Long Night Of The Soul" - loneliness, ashes, tears and grief. New Year's Eve - I think I went to bed around 6 PM or so - the entire week between Christmas and New Year's was an endurance contest.

This coming year? I probably won't feel quite so bad, but I will miss my Old, Tired, Decrepit White Man With No Gluetus Maximus. All the books say, "get out, do something for others, take care of yourself, do something even if you don't feel like it, etc, etc"

I just find that so hard to do, especially when I tend to be somewhat fried when I get home (a looooong day of Oracle, SQL Server, UNIX, Windows, meeetings, documentation, users, problems, etc tends to do that) - I tend to watch either Nickelodeon or science programming (astronomy in particular)

Not looking forward to the holidays at all.....
Comment by Virginia on August 9, 2010 at 5:50pm
wow barb that was so beautifull and i think it hits home with most of us, mary thank you for reposting it god bless
Comment by Mary on August 9, 2010 at 4:48pm
I have just added a copy of the e-mail Barb sent us. I know it was cut in half and I was glad to find the full copy so I could finish reading this inspiring story. Thanks to Barb for sharing it with all of us.
Comment by Mary on August 9, 2010 at 4:45pm
Barb ChamberlainAugust 9, 2010 at 5:45pm
Subject: Hi
THE BIRTH OF THE SONG "PRECIOUS LORD"

Back in 1932, I was a fairly new husband. My wife, Nettie and I were living in a little apartment on Chicago 's south side. One hot August afternoon I had to go to St. Louis where I was to be the featured soloist at a large revival meeting. I didn't want to go. Nettie was in the last month of pregnancy with our first child. But a lot of people were expecting me in St. Louis . I kissed Nettie good-bye, clattered downstairs to our Model A and, in a fresh Lake Michigan breeze, chugged out of Chicago on Route 66.

However, outside the city, I discovered that in my anxiety at leaving, I had forgotten my music case. I wheeled around and headed back.

I found Nettie sleeping peacefully. I hesitated by her bed; something was strongly telling me to stay. But eager to get on my way, and not wanting to disturb Nettie, I shrugged off the feeling and quietly slipped out of the room with my music.

The next night, in the steaming St. Louis heat, the crowd called on me to sing again and again. When I finally sat down, a messenger boy ran up with a Western Union telegram. I ripped open the envelope. Pasted on the yellow sheet were the words: YOUR WIFE JUST DIED.

People were happily singing and clapping around me, but I could hardly keep from crying out. I rushed to a phone and called home. All I could hear on the other end was "Nettie is dead. Nettie is dead."

When I got back, I learned that Nettie had given birth to a boy. I swung between grief and joy. Yet that same night, the baby died. I buried Nettie and our little boy together, in the same casket. Then I fell apart.

For days I closeted myself. I felt that God had done me an injustice. I didn't want to serve Him anymore or write gospel songs. I just wanted to go back to that jazz world I once knew so well. But then, as I hunched alone in that dark apartment those first sad days, I thought back to the afternoon I went to St. Louis. Something kept telling me to stay with Nettie. Was that something God? Oh, if I had paid more attention to Him that day, I would have stayed and been with Nettie when she died.

From that moment on I vowed to listen more closely to Him. But still I was lost in grief. Everyone was kind to me, especially one friend. The following Saturday evening he took me up to Maloney's Poro College, a neighborhood music school. It was quiet; the late evening sun crept through the curtained windows.

I sat down at the piano, and my hands began to browse over the keys. Something happened to me then. I felt at peace. I felt as though I could reach out and touch God. I found myself playing a melody, once into my head they just seemed to fall into place: "Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, let me stand, I am tired, I am weak, I am worn, through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light, take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home."

The Lord gave me these words and melody, He also healed my spirit. I learned that when we are in our deepest grief, when we feel farthest from God, this is when He is closest, and when we are most open to His restoring power.

And so I go on living for God willingly and joyfully, until that day comes when He will take me and gently lead me home.

-Tommy Dorsey-


For those too young to know who he is, Tommy Dorsey was a band leader in the Thirties and Forties.
Did you know that Tommy Dorsey wrote this song? I surely didn't. What a wonderful story of how God CAN heal the brokenhearted! Beautiful, isn't it?

Worth the reading, wasn't it? Think on the message for a while. Thought you might like to share this--I just did.
Comment by Elaine Richmond on August 9, 2010 at 4:12pm
Barb, I wanted to read the rest of your posting, but I do not know how to find you. The one about the birth of the son "Precious Lord" Please someone tell me, right about now I really need to read that.
Thanks
Comment by kathleen caylor on August 9, 2010 at 11:43am
Dawn,This is my first year,so I'm no expert.Last X-mas was a complete disaster for me.So after that fiasco,I decided to change things up a bit.When hubby's b-day came around,we had a party.I've taken to calling old friends ,the ones not comfortable around me.What do I have to lose!This week is my b-day,so I invited my friend for a girls night out.On the 13th of sept,his anniversary of his death,we're having a family get together.I,ve been trying to take charge of this grief.It still slaps me upside the head once in a while,but I feel better knowing at least I tried!
Comment by kathleen caylor on August 9, 2010 at 11:43am
Dawn,This is my first year,so I'm no expert.Last X-mas was a complete disaster for me.So after that fiasco,I decided to change things up a bit.When hubby's b-day came around,we had a party.I've taken to calling old friends ,the ones not comfortable around me.What do I have to lose!This week is my b-day,so I invited my friend for a girls night out.On the 13th of sept,his anniversary of his death,we're having a family get together.I,ve been trying to take charge of this grief.It still slaps me upside the head once in a while,but I feel better knowing at least I tried!
Comment by dawn e bland on August 9, 2010 at 10:55am
good morning all , im new and have a queston , how do you all handle holidays , as i have no kids , no close family , few friends , and is so hard to be by my self on holidays my husband bob died 10/3/07 of liver and lung and bone cancer also have any body noticed the friends you and husband used to hang out with no longer call you
Comment by Virginia on August 9, 2010 at 9:51am
Hi Everyone, hears hoping you will have a good day and find some comfort today god bless
Comment by Virginia on August 9, 2010 at 9:40am
sharon,i'm so sorry but i truelly don't think we will get over it we may move on but there will always be those 2 steps backword days i am at 16 months and and have learned you still have to take it minute bye minute because the tears come when they want not when we want,god bless i'll keep you in my prayers as Randy says hugs to you as hugs are good
 

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