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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Comment by Mary on March 8, 2010 at 8:32pm
My husband of 24 years died just 4 weeks ago. I just don't understand at all, the cancer treatment was all done and the cancer was gone. He should have gotten better, but one month after treatment was done he was gone.
So here I am, widowed again. I was only 35 yrs old the first time with 3 young children at home. This time seems so much harder. Probably because I am older, just retired and children grown. I loved him so much, he was such a good man. It is hard to think about the weeks and months ahead with out him. I am only 64 yrs old and can't bear the thought of the years ahead alone. It just doesn't seem fair at all. But no one ever said life was fair.
Comment by Missmylove47 on March 8, 2010 at 1:51am
Anita,
You were one of the first people to help me here in Legacy.com just 4 months ago when I lost my husband, and you lost your fiance at the same date October 26, 2009. We were both devastated, numb and lost, I tried to help you too as much as I could. I know how you are feeling. I still healing too...It is not easy!
Trust God....he closes one door and open another. Sometimes changes in life is for the best. Just pray and have faith.
Hang in there.....I am praying for you!

I wish you the best Anita!
Comment by Anita Simmons on March 7, 2010 at 3:06pm
As time goes on and the months (4) past by I wonder when all of this gets easier to handle. When I can finally let go and and move on. When I can feel something other then sadness, loneliness and heartache. When I don't feel so scared. Right now I am just so numb from all of it. I feel the stages and am grateful that the anger stage didn't stick around for very long but the acceptance stage I think is going to take awhile. The family is asking me to leave our home (empty for foreclosure) which I don't understand but getting rid of his belongings, packing up his clothes and things seems to be so much harder then expected. I want to feel the goodness, joy and happiness again. When will that happen??????????. How do I do this????????
Comment by Yvonne on March 5, 2010 at 9:38pm
Tom I love you sense of humor, and it is good to smile and see that you can too. Yes, sometimes people don't think before they speak. We run into a lot of those people it seems or are we hurting so much that we are that much more sensitive. Don't know. I know I will not be moving anytime soon. We finally got the house both of us have always wanted 9 years ago. I love our home and our big backyard. Just looked out the back door and saw that the alarm light is still blinking in his big black truck...yay the batteries aren't dead yet, I haven't driven it since December when I put new tires on it. I suppose I should start it and let the batteries charge up. Oh well, tomorrow. I am fortunate that I have lots of family near by. I was so lonely this afternoon that I invited our son over for dinner. Gave me an excuse to cook a decent meal and eat one as well. I am so glad that he understands that sometimes I just need to lean on him. He is single and I think sometimes he is lost and lonely too. Well enough for now.
Take care all Yvonne
Comment by Yvonne on March 5, 2010 at 3:07pm
Yes Tom I have been asked that same question. Where else would we want to go? As you said it is our home and all our memories are there.
My husband and I also have a business and I was asked if I was going to carry on with the business. Duh!!! No I will close it up walk out and never return. What kind of question is that? Yes, I will sell the business when I am ready. I am not ready yet and until then it is business as usual. How about the question did he have a will? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. People can actually be very rude.
How about when they change the subject when you mention your spouses name. I guess they don't understand. Sorry, just a few things I had to get off my chest.
Take care all Yvonne
Comment by Colleen on March 5, 2010 at 9:49am
Thank you so much, every one of you. I feel like I really am a mess, but it's comforting in a tragic kind of way to know that, as Lois says, there will be signs of hope for me too someday. I appreciate all your kindnesses as I begin to see a life that I had never imagined for myself. I'll be staying with my daughter for the next few days and I think that should help, too. Again, thank you and I hope that each of you continue to experience small degrees of hope for the future.
Comment by kathleen caylor on March 4, 2010 at 5:51pm
Colleen,I'm so sorry for you.You are right ,things are mixed up and crazy for you right now.My first sympathy card is what made it real for me.I felt like i'd been kicked in the gut.Nature is trying to protect you.I felt like half my brain shut down for the first few weeks.Keep your family close and your memories closer,they will sustain you through this long,painful journey.try to get some rest and find some peace,Kathy
Comment by Colleen on March 4, 2010 at 5:37pm
I don't expect to feel better for a long while, I guess. My husband just passed 10 days ago. But it's all so mixed up and crazy. I have this on going dream that we're defying the odds by having a relationship across the realities. Like it's our secret - and I want it to be real so very badly. I think that must be the denial I've read about. But it's crazy and painful. His memorial is this Sat. and I'm terrified to go through it. It'll make it more real I think, and I don't want that. This is just the kind of event where he would have been there for me to lean on. I cry and cry and it just gives me a headache.
Comment by kathleen caylor on March 4, 2010 at 4:27pm
Lois,the book I just read said widows fall into two catergories,the sleepers and the runners.One crawls into bed and the others keep busy.I guess we're runners.Trying to stay busy to ward off the grief.But we are doing ourselves a disservice.It will come crashing down eventually.I've experienced that myself just recently.But I can't stand sitting still.At least I sleep at night.
Comment by kathleen caylor on March 4, 2010 at 5:28am
The overwelming emotions that I experienced was very cathartic.So I did learn a valuable lesson.Sorry you're having a bad day.But your pictures are beautiful.Having everyone here is theraputic for me.
 

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