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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

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Started by denise. Last reply by Jeanette McSherry Aug 31. 6 Replies

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Comment by Jeanette Kilpatrick on February 10, 2010 at 11:25pm
I lost my husband of 60 years last May. I was in a daze for the first couple of months and then I came out of it. my daughter had to take me to do the things that needed to be done. She took care of me and then I knew I had to come back to our home. I had to start living. He had told me before he died that he wanted me to do that, so i'm trying. I still cry and I will always miss and love him but I'm trying to help others in my own way. This is helping me more than them. I trust in God to lead me the way He wants me to go. I have my husband's picture on the wall beside my bed and I talk to him and tell him that I love and miss him. I still wear my rings and always will. We always knew one of us would be left alone and it is better for it to be me than him. All things work together for good to them that love the Lord. I will make it and so will you. Good luck and blessings.
Comment by Charles on February 9, 2010 at 5:35pm
Liz
Never, never feel bad for going on with life.I now know that I dont have to grieve and cry to prove my love.Its here in my heart.
You can never replace the love you had with Shawn but you can move on and have love in many different ways.
I remember my love and I talking and crying together because we knew that one of us would have to face the day that the other would be gone.I am here now.
I want to love I want to be happy.I will take her with me where ever I go.
I said before. Because of that wonderful woman I know how to love and I can make the right woman happy.The right woman.
Liz, find love and give it.
My love told me one time.You cannot protect yourself from pain and grief by not loving me so you may as well get on board.Im so glad I loved that lady.
Comment by Liz on February 9, 2010 at 5:16pm
Charles,
Your words touched me.. I am by far probably one of the younger ones of this group. I am 29. My husband died last January- 6 days before my birthday. I woke up and found him dead on my floor... no real warning.. he was sick with what we thought was the stomach flu... we didnt talk about death bc we were 27- going on 28 and thought we had forever to talk about that. We would have been married 5 years this past summer and have 2 kids- one now 3 and the other now 2... in the beginning, i remember feeling like the world was over and I had no hope or drive... I was sad and just hated god... I still am not too fond of god as I have gone through hell in the past year... but the hatred is gone...
i had so much guilt in the beginning bc i beat myself up for not forcing him to go to the hospital... for surviving the stomach bug we all had that weekend... for being healthier.. for everything.. but with time, i forced myself to move on... and now i feel bad bc i get looks of why am i not grieving still or people have stopped talking to me bc they dont know what to say...
Shawn was the love of my life.. he was soulmate... yes, i will love again..as I am only 29... and i have a long life to live.. but Shawn was my life.. it still hurts to breathe and live without him and probably always will.. i am not who i was and i do not want to be anymore... for a while i felt bad for feeling as i do and for growing bc so many people dont want to see you move on at points... but thats their problems not mine...
Comment by Charles on February 9, 2010 at 5:07pm
Lois,
What a wonderful way of putting it...We start out with heads down and tears rolling and we trully believe it will always be that way.In my begining many people told me I would be better..No Way I said.Well I am better.My head is coming up and a smile is on my face some.Not always, but some.I have met a wonderful lady that is also greiving.We are friends.She has made my head come up and a smile on my face.I owe her a lot.
Oh if we could have lived long healthy lives together and then hand in hand go out together.
My soul mate was 53, she had fought M.S for 13 years.She was in her prime of life.I would not trade one day I had with that wonderful women for all the money in the world.
But as she said many times Life goes on- Live it.
Comment by Charles on February 9, 2010 at 3:21pm
Lois,
I had time to prepare for my wifes death, She and I were able to talk about it for 13 years and even her last 24 hours.Guilt is still with me.This or that on and on.She is gone and I cannot bring her back.
We don't want to accept it but you are so correct, We will never know in this lifetime.
My wife, who was my soul mate, my best friend, my everything is gone from this life as we know it.
We all want that one more touch, that one more moment in time that one more hug.
I do know now that we all grieve in our own way.We may like to think we are in more pain and grief than anyone else and no one understands what we are going through... But thats just not true.
Life goes on- Its up to us to do what we want to with it.
In my first post here I said when my wife took her last breath I wished I had took mine as well.At times I still feel that way.
I did not take my last breath yet.Until i do I will remember that wonderful woman and make my life as best as I can.
What else can we do??
Comment by Walter Crowley on February 9, 2010 at 11:45am
I had the privilage of spending the last ten years of my life with her, she passed away Dec. 23, the entire affair was unexpected and came out of nowhere so we thought. The entire situation was tramatic and heart rendering. I know it has changed me, in what ways, I'm not sure, but I know it has! I had always assumed to be the first to leave this earth and in fact hoped that to be the case so I wouldn't find myself in the situation I'm currently in....(hell on earth). Having read many of the stories herein I can see alot of the same emotions and experiences being conveyed by everyone. Unfortunately it doesn't do much for those of us who wish with all of our being for just one more touch, one more sound, one more chance to hold them and this time never ever let go. Every tear that falls from my face carries with it a memory of love, laughter, and even anger. It has become a river that will forever flow. I now find myself with questions that I can find no answers to. Question of God, the afterlife, and mostly if it is in fact so, is she ok. It's the not knowing that bothers me most. The obvious questions of guilt have their place too. Why couldn't I fix this, stop it, did I do the right things, what could I have done to make it ok again. I do however know one thing for sure... I hate this entire situation! Liz honey, I Love You and Miss You So.
Comment by KarenV on February 8, 2010 at 11:10pm
Good evening everybody! I lost my husband of 28 years in October 2009 on on his 62nd birthday. I cry almost everyday, I miss him so much. My daughter found this sight for me in hopes it might help with words of wisdom from others.
Comment by Gladys on February 8, 2010 at 9:49pm
hi everyone...my spouse passed june 2009...i still cry, i still hurt and i understand the msgs i have read since coming on to this website regarding your feelings...thank God for those feelings....
Comment by ellen on February 8, 2010 at 7:56am
I lost my husband 12/15/09 and am not handling it well. I do go to counceling and a group at Church. Nothing makes me feel better. I just want to give up at times. I can't watch TV or listen to music. Even going to the store is hard for me. He was also the cook so I have that and my house needs work that he used to take care of which I would like to sell but can't. I am overwhelmed by it all and I understand how you feel.
Comment by brenda horne on February 6, 2010 at 7:05pm
suzanne i know how you feel believe me i lost my high school sweetheart that i was married to 32 years in feb. 2008 the 16th of this month will be two years everywhere i go it feels like i am the only single person their everyone else is couples this is at church or out to restaurants anywhere i go all my friends still have their husbands mine had to die at age 51 it is not fair i find myself depressed now i could stay in my bed all day and alot of times i do since i am now also unemployed it has not gotten much easier for me a little maybe but not alot i miss him so much and since he died two days after valentines day i hate this time of year it is the hardest we have two daughters and the oldest one 23 is expecting our first grandchild in june and we just found out it is a boy me & my husband always talked about how much fun we weould have with grandchildren and now he will not be here to enjoy him i feel guilty because i am still here sometimes i wish i were gone so i could maybe be with him i will soon be seeeing a pschologist to help me deal with my feelings i wish i had words to tell u it will soon be easier i am sorry i dont because i am not there yet dont think i ever will be remember i feel your pain
 

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