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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1376
Latest Conversations: Jul 6

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary on July 21, 2010 at 10:52am
Everyone seems to be struggling right now. I am so down. Can't seem to shake it either. I think I know why I am. Having my new roof put on the house, that is the last thing my husband was able to do for me financially, I am so relieved to have it done. the roof was 20 yrs old and the shingles were starting to curl. But now that it is done, I am so sad. I have to wonder what the point is of going on. Everyone else just goes on with their lives and I sit here alone. It has only been 5 1/2 months since I lost Jim, I keep telling myself that. but I hate this so much.
Comment by kathleen caylor on July 21, 2010 at 9:22am
I'm feeling the same way.Can't seem to shake it.Must be the heat or something!!
Comment by Virginia on July 21, 2010 at 7:36am
to all who have just joined our group i'm so sorry for your loss, this is a very good site to be able to express your feelings and to know we are not alone. i understand why some feel they need a break to deal with their grief alone but they will be missed i'm going on 15 months since i lost my husband and i thought i was getting better at dealing with it but i have to tell you that these last 2 weeks have been as painfull as in the begining and i don't know why. i can only hope it gets better, god bless
Comment by Fernandohulya on July 21, 2010 at 7:04am
Graig, I know what you mean when you say people get sick of hearing you talk of your soulmate because they think there must be an expire date on grieve. Lynda I get angry because people talk less about my Baby as he never existed in there eyes. I can not forget and so should the world do the same but the society or the "master puppertires" want us to have a normal life again. My Baby has nearly gone 5 month on the 25th. I am counting the anniversary days in a mist of disbelieve and walk through in a twilight zone.The feeling that maybe my Baby could walk in any moment is still fresh. Any death is unexpectance of any circumstances when our soulmates pas.... and we lose them. How am I going to last a year!!!

The Trauma is still fresh of what both of us especially my Baby went through and somehow I can not get it out of my head.
Comment by TINA GREER on July 21, 2010 at 6:46am
I am so glad that I found this site.. it has helped me deal. Today is only 16 days for me since I lost my husband. I too am having panic attacks. It is easy to fall asleep, because I stay awake until I am exhausted, but then I wake up every night. My husband had a heart attack sitting at the end of the bed around 2:30 am. I still have not moved the blankets... I still have not washed the clothes that were in the hamper... I still cry into one of the last shirts he wore... I still cannot stand to hear a siren, thinking about the ride in the ambulance that night... I still can't do a lot of things. I know that it is still fresh, but reading what everything else is going through here I somehow don't feel so alone. I have a great family... kids and grand kids... I try to be strong in front of them because they say they are worried about me. They have enough to deal with themselves. I know they are there if I need them, but they cannot understand the depth of my loss.
I made a memory page on Facebook for my husband. A place where family and friends can connect and leave their comments, memories, feelings. I hope that this will help us all get through this. Thank you all for listening.
Comment by Leia Wright on July 21, 2010 at 2:13am
Kathleen is right Lynda. I lost my husband 11 months ago on Friday. No one else understands unless they have been there. My husband had been ill but it doesn't matter. It is still "unexpected". I, at least, did have a chance to say goodbye. I was fortunate enough to be holding him my arms when he died. I also have people continually telling me I need to move on. I don't know when I can do that. I totally understand how you want to keep all your husband's things. I read a book that said don't create a shrine to you husband. How can I not? I have his ashes, the military flag, Presidential honor, his medals from Vietnam and too many pictures to hang or set out.
Like you, I don't want to forget. I don't think that is wrong. I cannot imagine the grief and guilt you must feel. But, I truly don't think your mother would want you to feel guilty about how you handled her death. She would understand that your husband's sudden death overshadow any everything else. I had been married almost 37 years also. All the firsts are so difficult. Next month is the one year mark of his death. I don't know how I am going to handle or get through that day. I understand about the pills also. I still take pills because I have panic attacks. I don't think it's wrong. I could not make it through some days without them. I also wonder if there was one more thing I could have done to make things better for Don's last days. I know I couldn't change the inevitable, but could I have made it easier for him? I will never know. I do know the extreme pain is easing and I don't cry nearly as often. I am hoping this means I am going to make it through this. You will also. Please realize you are not alone. There are a lot of us our here.
Comment by kathleen caylor on July 20, 2010 at 7:25pm
Lynda,until they walk in our shoes,they won't .As I stood at my husbands coffin speaking to the crowd,I looked about and saw my friends who had lost their spouses and thought"this is what they felt.How could they bear the pain?"I wish I had been a better friend.Don't beat yourself up.It will not change the outcome.Hold your memories close.
Comment by Lynda Lenell on July 20, 2010 at 7:11pm
My name is Lynda Lenell and it was a year ago June 18th that I lost my husband Captain Craig Lenell from a sudden heart attack. He was bringing in a flight from Brussels and died at the controls. Until that morning I had been secure in the knowledge that he had flight physicals every 6 months and he would be home that morning. He was coming back to go with me to W. Virginia to bury my Mom's ashes. She had died 4 days before him. I still wake up at night and think it can't be true. Continental had to tell me by phone because the news was on TV and we lived 2 hrs from Houston. I feel such guilt because I still have not felt any grief for my Mother. It took a back seat. My Mom was sick, she was 85. I expected it, but not my husband. Craig was my life. We'd been married 37 yrs. Every month it seems like I say, let me get through the holidays, let me get through our anniversary, his birthday and the anniversary of his death but it's a year and it's no better. I still take pills to function. I still take pills to sleep. I ask what did I miss? What did the Drs miss. There were 7 Drs on his flight and one was a cardiologist. They had a defibrillator. I know I'm not alone. I have our children but people think you should move on and I can't. My daughter said she thought I would date eventually and I could barely speak. People speak of him less and less and I want to scream. They give me books and don't seem to see that I can't focus on reading a book and I don't want to forget. I don't want them to think I'm wallowing in self-pity. I just want them to understand I don't want to pack his uniform away and throw away the chocolate that was in his suitcase for me. The memories are what I have left of him. They comfort me. Reading the cards I've saved from him over the years are a comfort. I just don't know how to make them understand.
Comment by Craig Cody on July 20, 2010 at 6:50pm
Lost my lover of 28 years about 4 months ago and am feeling so lost and depressed. Life is so different and just doesnt seem right. Know i need some help getting through this but dont know how i can get it. Our daughter moved out almost a year ago and isnt in contact alot. So lonely in this house without him and her. Dont know why im posting this just needed to get it off my chest i guess. Everyone i know, i feel are getting sick of me talking about him. Think its time to move on but i cant.
Comment by Fernandohulya on July 20, 2010 at 6:13pm
Kathy and Randolph I am so sad to hear to I will not be hearing from you both but I hope to stay in contact and hear your progress and if you need a chat. It really makes me cry because everyone in this site became part of my family.
 

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