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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Fred Dunn on May 14, 2010 at 9:02pm
To Kathy:
My wife passed on to God on May 31st 2007 and for the first week I could not sleep without waking up every hour or so and even then it was difficult to get back to sleep.
I am averaging about 4-5 hours of sleep still and only because I go to bed early but I always wake up several times every night and usually wind up finally getting up between 2:00am-3:00am and just drink some coffee and watch TV until it's time for me to shower and get ready for work. Luckily I have a very understanding employer (and go in 2 hours early) so I take a 2 hour lunch 1/2 hour eating and the other time taking a nap at my desk.
On the weekends it's no different but I can stay in bed and often try to catch up on my sleep or rest on the weekends. I can do that because I live alone now and am very much a recluse when I am home.
It's funny that I still wake up expecting Rose to be there and it takes a little while for reality to set in.
Like some I was already a caregiver to my wife before she passed on and was prescribed anti-anxiety meds along with anti-depressants, which my doc recently doubled.
I have lost 35 pounds since my wife passed and continue to lose weight, I have chronic headaches (always have) and they have gotten worse.
I don't think what you are going through is abnormal and you will find a method to deal with it over time.

God bless,
Fred Dunn
Comment by Helen Raulerson on May 14, 2010 at 7:47pm
To Kathy O. My husband died April 22, 2009, I still feel the same way you do. I also have trouble sleeping and do on occasion take a pill to help. My doctor is just great and suggested an antidepressant and although I hate the idea of taking anything, I am really amazed how it helps. I can now function pretty well. Not only did my husband die in April, in November my son died rather suddenly. But life does go on, there is really no choice. So all I can say is just hang on,things will eventually even out and you will be able to have him in a special part of your heart and lead a full life also.
Comment by kathleen caylor on May 14, 2010 at 6:46pm
Tom,I have a feeling you would!
Comment by kathleen caylor on May 14, 2010 at 6:30pm
Tom.Remember the alicia's of the world!This ornery old cuss isn't worth it .Just know you did your good deed and move on!
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on May 14, 2010 at 10:14am
To kathy obiedzinski and all members: Its been 13 months since my wife of 44 years died and I still have not gotten over it. She was my pal, I died when she did. I tried anti-depressors but had too many side effects from them. I wake up every night at the exact time that I had left the hospital after she died. I stay up late now so that,hopefully, I can sleep past that nightmarish timeline.Only thing I can say is, you and we are not alone in all of our sorrows and grief and aloneness. God bless us all and thank him for "allowing us to have this time together".
Comment by Peg Otley on May 14, 2010 at 10:05am
I would like to thank Steve Cain for creating this site. It has been most helpful in dealing with my loss. I read things that others write and wonder if I am the one who wrote it. So many letters in here are exactly what I am feeling and it is nice to know that it is normal afterall and I'm not just feeling sorry for myself. It is great...Thank you again. I am very happy I found it.
Peggy
Comment by Connie on May 14, 2010 at 9:54am
Kathy, I never in my life had a sleeping problem until I lost my husband. Since then I am taking an anti-depressant and a sleeping pill and although with them I am doing a little better, there are still many nights that I cannot sleep at all. I clean cabinets at 3:30 a.m. I used to do cross-stitch and now I just can't pick it up. I have read many books on grieving and what we are experiencing is not unusual. I love my children and my grandchildren but I just wait for the day that I will be with him again. You need to do what works best for you. I needed help with sleeping but you need to decide what will help you.
Comment by alaine dougherty on May 14, 2010 at 9:42am
this message is to kathy obiedkinsky who wrote about not being able to sleep. i never was a very good sleeper and since my husbands death almost ten months ago it is very sporadic. i was already on an antidepressant and and antiexty long before my husband died (believe me i fought long and hard to not be on these medications but realized my life was much better because of them) and the doctor and i have increasssed them a bit and added one so that i can sleep. even with this change it is still somtimes hard to sleep. when we are grieving our bodies need to rest as much as possible so we do not become ill. i take the sleep anyway i can get it. when i don't sleep the world is a much darker place. i exercise also and take a warm bath before bed. anything to make sleep possible. without sleep we will not even be able to grieve because we will be so overcome with fatique that all we do it cry. let me know if any of this works for you. we are all different and have to do what makes us feel the best in an otherwise awful situation.
Comment by alaine dougherty on May 14, 2010 at 9:42am
this message is to kathy obiedkinsky who wrote about not being able to sleep. i never was a very good sleeper and since my husbands death almost ten months ago it is very sporadic. i was already on an antidepressant and and antiexty long before my husband died (believe me i fought long and hard to not be on these medications but realized my life was much better because of them) and the doctor and i have increasssed them a bit and added one so that i can sleep. even with this change it is still somtimes hard to sleep. when we are grieving our bodies need to rest as much as possible so we do not become ill. i take the sleep anyway i can get it. when i don't sleep the world is a much darker place. i exercise also and take a warm bath before bed. anything to make sleep possible. without sleep we will not even be able to grieve because we will be so overcome with fatique that all we do it cry. let me know if any of this works for you. we are all different and have to do what makes us feel the best in an otherwise awful situation.
Comment by Joyce F. on May 13, 2010 at 3:47pm
Tammy,

It has been 65 days since my Donald passed away, and some days are better than other's, but what you are going through with you his family is crazy, I pray that God will continue to give you strength to deal with Kelly's passing and he will take care of those ruthless family members...prayer changes things!!!
 

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