Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

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Comment by Charlie Swann on February 22, 2010 at 8:19am
Katy, I have a similar issue with the care my wife received at the hands of the nurses after surgery. I say find a medical malpractice attorney and let them counsel you about the viability of going forward with a suit. They will not advise it if there is not a good chance of winning. Be prepared though if they tell you no chance be willing to accept it. As far as your family they are not in charge of you. Do what your conscience tells you to in regards to your loved one. You are their final advocate and only advocate when it comes down to it.
Comment by alan demetri on February 22, 2010 at 7:55am
missmylove47 if it's hurts to much to see his picture try to just put them up out of the way you'll know where they are they just will not be in your line off sight.It is ok to do so while you heal and im sure your husband wil understand im sure he wouldn't you to be in pain.If you can't do so yourself ask someone you trust to put them up for that's what i had to do.My wife keep every card i ever got her and i still can't bring myself to toss them when i start to i end up reading them ,there allmost thirty years whoeth off them.Like my pictures there put up out off the way but i know where they are .Just don't feel guilty if you do we each have to deal with our loss's as best we can. God bless you.alan d
Comment by ellen on February 22, 2010 at 7:46am
Katy, I say go for it. I still believe something went wrong with my husband when he was sent to hospice from the hospital. Because he died in hospice they wouldn't do an autopsy I would have to pay about $3000 for one and I didn't have the money. I still live with doubts because I though he was getting better and he died 2 days later. I will live the rest of my life not knowing and it is killing me. It won't bring your husband back but it might solve some unanswered questions.
Comment by Denise MacCallum on February 22, 2010 at 7:24am
Go for it...If it was my husband I would fight....He was the love of your life..You have every right to do what you want to do no matter what anyone else is telling you...You lost your husband...He would do the same for you ....
Comment by Tracie on February 22, 2010 at 6:36am
I think that`s the whole trick to this-say to yourself-TODAY I WILL make it through.Don`t worry about tomorrow,it will be here so enough
Comment by Gladys on February 22, 2010 at 6:07am
i too have felt that my spouse's death was due to negligence however i find myself asking, "how can you fight the system"? can fight but you can't ever win...your lost has occurred, no turning back.
Comment by Liz on February 22, 2010 at 5:43am
If you have actual proof it was all in vain that your husband died- by that i mean it was through someone else's fault- then by all means truly consider going forward with a lawyer etc... but i have a feelling the reason everyone - being his mom etc- are telling you to let it go is bc no matter what you do- the end result is still the same. You are on this earth without him. Sad but true. But if this fight will help you move on and will help in any way... go for it.
If I wanted to- I could actually go after a person that initiated what led to my husband's death... but in my mind- its not worth it. I miss my husband with every breath i take... but no matter what- it will not bring him, i have decided to focus on the here and now and my kids and healing myself... its what my husband would have wanted. What would your husband have wanted? What would you have wanted if the situation were reversed? These are two questions that have gotten me through the past 13 months of healing....
Comment by Jan on February 22, 2010 at 1:40am
Katy - go for it. Before my husband passed away he was with me for 2 seperate surgeries and on both accounts he found me barely breathing and coded with out anyone else noticing. My daughter is a nurse and she said only a small portion of the people that
actually work and monitor the patients don't even have a 4 yr degree. My nerve block broke and filled my system full of narcotics to last for a week. Alot of these hospitals are understaffed or use technical grads who are required to work out side of their training. You were not specific so I don't know if this helps. Hospitals and dr. are fallable!! My in-laws talked me into things I wish I had not done when my husband passed. Then I went numb and didn't do anything. I mean nothing. But depending on your state we have a 2 yr statue of limitation of 2 years.
If you need to do it, then do it. The sooner the better because hospital personnel constantly turns.
Good Luck, jan
Comment by diane Toffelmire on February 21, 2010 at 8:10pm
I am new to this site and I wish I had known about it a year ago. My husband passed away in his sleep,a year ago Jan. 11. We were married just short of 47 years. I miss him very much. I've been thru all the stages of grief they tell you about. It doesn't help the lonliness one feels. I kept his ashes here as our sons made his urn, he would be so proud of them.I am learning to have fun again and not feel guilty about doing it. They say it gets easier as time goes by. In my case it isn't easy, just have to keep going and work at it .I still have days when all I do is cry.Every thing in the house has a memory.As far as everything gets better, I don't say it's better it's just that life goes on and you readjust. Things are still tough at times for me I just live one day at a time and try to be optimistic. Don't try and rush thru your grieving, give yourself the time you need to get thru it. Lean on your friends and family. Enough for now.
Comment by Rachel on February 21, 2010 at 4:52am
My fiancee Mike died on Feb 6th. We were going to get married on Valentines Day. I am 3 months pregnant, we had tried for a few months before it happened. I love him so much- I feel cheated of the rest of our lives, we had so much left to do. We didn't have even close to enough time together. I can't accept that I will never hold him or talk or look at him again, that he won't see our baby.

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