Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

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Finding the new normal

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Comment by Walter Crowley on March 17, 2010 at 12:03am
Two short stories to tell as a respones to the earlier comments regarding humor. About a week after my wife passed away( my wife was a very loud snorer) I woke up about 3 in the am lying on my left side in the bed to the sound of loud snoring. Now I must admit, I was scared (you know what), I was literally afraid to turn over and look. When I realized I must, I slowly turned to see my dog laying in the wifes spot snoring away. My heart was beating 100 mph. whew!! ........The next thing, my wife used to like to sneek up behind me and poke and grab at my rear end. Very shortly after her death I heard a song on the radio, that naturally brought me to tears," ain't no sunshine when shes gone, this house just ain't a home when shes gone away", a classic I'm sure some of you know it. Any way I'm a welder by trade and one day after I had returned to work I was bending over under the welding hood when I felt a poke in my left rear cheek. Stood up lifted my hood looked around thinking a fellow employee playing around and there was no one even remotely close. Imagination, OK back to work, with in seconds it happened again to my right rear cheek, stood up, same thing. Then it hit me and I immediately started smiling and looking around and said half jokingly to stop it. No sooner had the words left my mouth when the song I mentioned earlier came on the radio. I swear as God is my witness, and I was grinning from ear to ear! How about that?
Comment by Walter Crowley on March 16, 2010 at 11:42pm
Yes indeed friends! Wouldn't have it any other way!
Comment by Walter Crowley on March 16, 2010 at 10:07am
I really wish people would READ! what I initially wrote. I'm not claiming to know the endall to the questions of what happens when one dies. If you read what I initially wrote, I essentially was asking a question???? I will try to put it a different way. Since I started my grieving process and not at all having any expereince with death and the hereafter, I have found myself confused as to what TO BELIEVE! On the one hand you have friends and loved ones come up to me and say things like "it's ok, she's in heaven now with God, a better place, no more suffering, etc. etc.. We are all familiar with it. Not being admittedly very religious, I turned to the bible as I,m sure many many others have, in an effort to find both comfort and some answers. What I got out of it was a completely different contex than what has been said by family and friends. The bible says something completely different than, " it's ok, their in heaven with God now smiling down on you. So unless I'm not quite understanding what I'm reading in the bible(which is entirely possible), I now find my self completely at a loss as to what to believe anymore. Yes I am looking for answers which I know I will never find in my LIFETIME, none the less I will keep looking. My original entry essentially said that. Has anyone else found themselves asking the same thing. I would bet tremedous sums of money that they are even at this very moment. As to the earlier comment that infered that this is not the appropriate place for this kind of discussion, where pray tell is it appropriate. And Tom I do very much appreciate your response, it deals with the question I was asking and certainly provides me with yet another piece of the eternal puzzel mankind continually seeks to answer. And as a more personal note, I too cry every day, I too talk to thin air, my heart is shattered beyond repair, I yearn to be rid of this life in the HOPE that maybe some of it is true. I miss my wife dearly!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment by Yvonne on March 16, 2010 at 7:19am
Hi Walter
First off let me say how sorry I am for you loss. It seems to me that right now you are mad at God for taking your wife. That is a very normal grief response and process. We are at all different stages of the grieving process and we try to find comfort where ever we can. We all have different beliefs and who is to say who is right or wrong. In grieving our lost loved ones there is no right or do what gets you through the day. We are all looking for answers. We come to this site for validation and support. Sometimes we come to just pour our hearts out. We don't come here to criticize each other. Everyone has their individual way of grieving. If yours is to question God and try to find answers in the be it that is your way. I hope you find peace and understanding and forgiveness. It is a very difficult journey with a long and winding road. I lost my husband of 38 years August 9, 2009. I miss him terribly and always will. I think you need a big hug ((((Walter)))).
Take care Yvonne
Comment by kathleen caylor on March 16, 2010 at 7:00am
As widows and widowers,we have enough gloom and doom in our lives.We did not come to this site to discuss religion.It is called " Grief Support".And that's all I have to say about it!
Comment by Walter Crowley on March 16, 2010 at 1:18am
You know Charles you obviously didn't read what I wrote and it would seem your actually angry. You don't have to preach to me, especially as some of the other readers are about easter bunnies santa claus and other foolish childrens fairly tales. I lost my wife of 10 years this past Dec. 24. I'm trying to sort things out in my own heart and mind and was simply relaying the perplexing situation I find my self in as it regards death, souls, heaven, etc.. No where in your somewhat attituded response do I see or hear one comment from you as to the reality of the situation. The easter bunny doesn't run heaven, God does. As for those of you who keep on beleiving such nonsense versus the reality of death and what the bible says, or should I say GOD SAYS, are going to find yourselves in a real spot come the judgement day. And finally Charles the question is " what does the bible say happens at the moment of death?" do you know Charles?
Comment by Yvonne on March 15, 2010 at 11:47pm
Nicely said Tom
Comment by Charles on March 15, 2010 at 7:32pm
No one like IreneParker..
What a sweetheart.
Thank you
Comment by Yvonne on March 15, 2010 at 4:54pm
Yes, thank you Charles.
Comment by kathleen caylor on March 15, 2010 at 3:48pm
Thank you,Charles

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