Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1374
Latest Conversations: 5 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of Bereaved Spouses to add comments!

Comment by kathy obiedzinski on February 22, 2010 at 10:55am
today i just put in the paper a memorial for my husband he passed on 3/1/10 it would be 1 year that he passed when doing this all i did was wipe away the tears that i have for him: it felt good to do this for him also because the saying fit him to a tee. i know when monday comes it will be most saddest day of my life.
Comment by Yaca Attwood on February 22, 2010 at 8:27am
Greetings, Katy,

I think you will not have complete peace until _all_ of your questions, reservations and doubts about your beloved's death are answered, and I think it is necessary for _your_ sake, not anyone else's.

I read everything I could on liver disease, cirrhosis, hepaptic encephalopathy, ascites, jaundice, bilirubin; I asked my sister, a Critical Care Nurse, and 8 months later, I still feel that more could have been done, that I was not told everything about my husband's condition.

I asked the hospital several times for his medical records, filled out various forms, and still have not gotten any response. It feels like a Great Wall has been put up.

However, he was in so much pain, in so much agony, even though I miss him terribly, even though I cry all the time - I am, in some way, content to let him go, because I know he is no longer in any pain, that he can walk again, do cartwheels, and that he is young, handsome and _fine_ (oooh, that man was _fine_; he had long, curly brown hair, light brown eyes - he was definitely _fine_!) again, so I have not been as motivated to pursue the medical profession.

Wisdom, peace and blessings to you - Yaca Attwood Perkins
Comment by Charlie Swann on February 22, 2010 at 8:19am
Katy, I have a similar issue with the care my wife received at the hands of the nurses after surgery. I say find a medical malpractice attorney and let them counsel you about the viability of going forward with a suit. They will not advise it if there is not a good chance of winning. Be prepared though if they tell you no chance be willing to accept it. As far as your family they are not in charge of you. Do what your conscience tells you to in regards to your loved one. You are their final advocate and only advocate when it comes down to it.
Comment by alan demetri on February 22, 2010 at 7:55am
missmylove47 if it's hurts to much to see his picture try to just put them up out of the way you'll know where they are they just will not be in your line off sight.It is ok to do so while you heal and im sure your husband wil understand im sure he wouldn't you to be in pain.If you can't do so yourself ask someone you trust to put them up for that's what i had to do.My wife keep every card i ever got her and i still can't bring myself to toss them when i start to i end up reading them ,there allmost thirty years whoeth off them.Like my pictures there put up out off the way but i know where they are .Just don't feel guilty if you do we each have to deal with our loss's as best we can. God bless you.alan d
Comment by ellen on February 22, 2010 at 7:46am
Katy, I say go for it. I still believe something went wrong with my husband when he was sent to hospice from the hospital. Because he died in hospice they wouldn't do an autopsy I would have to pay about $3000 for one and I didn't have the money. I still live with doubts because I though he was getting better and he died 2 days later. I will live the rest of my life not knowing and it is killing me. It won't bring your husband back but it might solve some unanswered questions.
Comment by Denise MacCallum on February 22, 2010 at 7:24am
Go for it...If it was my husband I would fight....He was the love of your life..You have every right to do what you want to do no matter what anyone else is telling you...You lost your husband...He would do the same for you ....
Comment by Tracie on February 22, 2010 at 6:36am
I think that`s the whole trick to this-say to yourself-TODAY I WILL make it through.Don`t worry about tomorrow,it will be here so enough
Comment by Gladys on February 22, 2010 at 6:07am
i too have felt that my spouse's death was due to negligence however i find myself asking, "how can you fight the system"? can fight but you can't ever win...your lost has occurred, no turning back.
Comment by Liz on February 22, 2010 at 5:43am
If you have actual proof it was all in vain that your husband died- by that i mean it was through someone else's fault- then by all means truly consider going forward with a lawyer etc... but i have a feelling the reason everyone - being his mom etc- are telling you to let it go is bc no matter what you do- the end result is still the same. You are on this earth without him. Sad but true. But if this fight will help you move on and will help in any way... go for it.
If I wanted to- I could actually go after a person that initiated what led to my husband's death... but in my mind- its not worth it. I miss my husband with every breath i take... but no matter what- it will not bring him, i have decided to focus on the here and now and my kids and healing myself... its what my husband would have wanted. What would your husband have wanted? What would you have wanted if the situation were reversed? These are two questions that have gotten me through the past 13 months of healing....
Comment by Jan on February 22, 2010 at 1:40am
Katy - go for it. Before my husband passed away he was with me for 2 seperate surgeries and on both accounts he found me barely breathing and coded with out anyone else noticing. My daughter is a nurse and she said only a small portion of the people that
actually work and monitor the patients don't even have a 4 yr degree. My nerve block broke and filled my system full of narcotics to last for a week. Alot of these hospitals are understaffed or use technical grads who are required to work out side of their training. You were not specific so I don't know if this helps. Hospitals and dr. are fallable!! My in-laws talked me into things I wish I had not done when my husband passed. Then I went numb and didn't do anything. I mean nothing. But depending on your state we have a 2 yr statue of limitation of 2 years.
If you need to do it, then do it. The sooner the better because hospital personnel constantly turns.
Good Luck, jan

Members (1374)


Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2020   Created by   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service